Shrek

I will admit. As hugely popular as the Shrek franchise is, I'd never actually seen the movies. That is, until Todd wanted to watch them. So I put the first movie into our Netflix DVD queue and watched it. I was enchanted by the movie, and we put its sequel into the queue after returning the first one. I was a bit skeptical when we received it and began watching it, for experience has taught me that sequels rarely live up to the expectations created by the original, especially if the original was a smashing success. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that I was wrong about that-- not only was Shrek 2 a really good movie on its own, it built up very well from the first one.

Our appetites whetted, we sent away for the third movie. I thought to myself: they can't repeat this kind of success again, can they? Again, I was mistaken. Shrek the Third was so thoroughly enjoyable that I couldn't help but watch it again and again, and it was with some reluctance that I finally returned the DVD so we could receive the fourth, and final, installment.

By this point I was REALLY skeptical. Could a FOURTH movie live up to the hype? It seems that all the storylines have been exhausted. Major villains had been done away with in the previous 3 movies. What plot could possibly be left, aside from watching Shrek the domesticated family man... er, ogre?

I should have known. I had begun to detect a trend amongst the movies. While most movies tend to go downhill with its sequels, especially when there are multiple ones, Shrek went in the opposite direction. It started off with a really strong, enjoyable movie. But it then became, odds against all odds, even BETTER with each subsequent sequel. The second was better than the first, the third was better than the second, and-- you guessed it-- the fourth was absolutely superb. I rarely cry at movies (or at anything in life, really), but this one was moving enough to bring about a few tears. And of course, it still had the sunshine-y happy ending I've come to expect from animated movies.

I'm not sure why the whole Shrek series is so appealing to me. I certainly enjoy almost all of the animated films by Disney/Pixar and DreamWorks. Shrek seems to have become an accidental favorite, maybe partly because of the message of love, courage, and acceptance it conveys, and partly because it has managed to build steadily upon its own successes-- a rare feat in Hollywood these days, it seems.

So if you haven't seen any of the Shrek movies, I highly recommend you check them out! You won't regret it :-)

Veteran's Day: The Demise of DADT

Happy Veteran's Day! This is the year that "Don't Ask, Don't Tell", which was implemented the year I began ROTC at UCLA, was finally repealed. Well-- okay, it was technically repealed last year, but this is the year it's finally gone into effect. I'm ashamed to say that while I was in the service, I was pretty nonchalant about the whole rule. I didn't really care one way or the other. The rule did not apply to me, and since I didn't know anyone who was gay (for obvious reasons-- it was "against" the law!) I didn't understand the full extent to which it affected people.

It didn't get any better once I went on active duty. I remember what it was like while I was in the service. I realize that opposition you hear from military personnel today stems from being "brainwashed" by the system. While there are definitely segments of the population who truly are homophobic to the core (and these segments can often be overrepresented in the military), there is something to be said for assuming and believing that something is wrong when you're taught it's illegal. When you're taught, on top of that, justifications for why it's illegal, you're going to automatically agree with it and apply that thinking to your own feelings. I went from being totally noncommittal about and ignorant of the topic of homosexuality to being slightly uncomfortable about the idea, simply because that's what I'd been taught, however indirectly, by the DADT policy.

Once I returned to the civilian world, however, things changed for me. No longer in uniform, I began to see things from an outsider's point of view. I had friends who were gay. The discrimination faced by homosexuals today started hitting home for me. I began identifying with their equal rights causes (such as No on Prop 8), and I started realizing just how wrong and misguided DADT was. I was aware that it was an attempt to reach a compromise between the staunch defenders of the anti-homosexual policy that was prevalent in years past, and the more forward-thinking human rights defenders trying to end discrimination. A compromise that, obviously, fared no better than the overtly discriminatory policy it replaced.

Vicious hatred spewed in support of keeping DADT filled me with revulsion, but the half-assed supporters, who were merely mouthing the party line without truly understanding what they were saying? I knew why they were saying the things they did, knew they probably didn't believe it deep-down, and had simply been "brainwashed" by living under the policy day after day. They took for granted that gays serving in the military must be wrong, simply because it was "outlawed".

That isn't to say that I condone any opposition, or justifications thereof, to the repeal of DADT. But I do understand, to a certain degree, where some of this opposition comes from. And it all boils back down to the key ingredient in rectifying past wrongs: EDUCATION. Educate people. Many are misinformed. I know I was, and woefully so. When you simply don't know any better, it's easy to fall prey to the falsehoods spread by the truly prejudiced.

I am heartened to see the military fully embracing and preparing for the repeal, because having support from higher echelons will go a long way toward changing individual soldiers' minds. Being thoroughly educated at all levels is vital. If the pervasive anti-gay attitude in the military comes about because that's what they've been taught through policies like DADT, then the repeal of DADT, and subsequent education at all levels, will hopefully reverse that.

I reflected on the things I cherished most about the United States military in my Veteran's Day post last year-- many of those things still hold true. Our military is one that I still truly, deeply admire and am still proud of. Which is why I look forward to our armed forces becoming even more top-notch as they uphold the freedoms of those who fight to defend the freedoms of the rest of us!

More Strange Dreams

A while back I wrote a post detailing some of the recurring dreams I've always had: flying/falling, mouth full of food, driving a car that won't brake, and yelling at Allan ;-)

I also wrote about how sometimes, when I'm especially in the thick of something at work, I'll wind up carrying it along with me to Dreamland. Funny how the mind works. For instance, this past couple of months I've been mired in personnel promotion cases. On top of that, I had some intensive training on the subject yesterday. So last night, I dreamed about... *drumroll* doing personnel cases! Only in my dream, Jennifer Aniston was one of the faculty being considered for promotion, and my friend Tabitha was helping me with her case. I couldn't even begin to imagine what that's supposed to mean. Not like Jennifer is one of my favorite actresses or that I'd seen anything with her in it lately. Oh well-- sometimes a cigar really is just a cigar, right?

In other news... 

The youth pastor at our church Tweeted about a dream he had last night, and it immediately reminded me of a joke that doesn't exactly belong in church. It seems wrong to connect a dirty joke with our youth pastor, but I'm sure he'd understand :-)

His Tweet: "Last night I was dreaming about petting a cat.  When I woke up I was petting my hand!  Weird!"

The joke: Three guys were out hiking and camping, and when they got to their cabin, they realized it only had one bed. At least it was large enough to hold all 3 of them, so they climbed in and went to sleep. The next morning, the guy on the left said: "I had a strange dream last night. I dreamt that I was getting a handjob!" The guy on the right said: "I dreamt I was getting a handjob, too!" The guy in the middle stretched and yawned, then said: "I dreamt that I was skiing!"

:-D

Apparently, we aren't the only ones having weird dreams last night. Stephanie dreamt of narwhals, and then posted this picture. I'm not normally much for Star Wars (I prefer Star Trek, myself), but I think narwhals are cute and cool, and really enjoyed the picture! :-)

How about you? Any weird or wacky dreams lately?

A Ring Is Not Just A Ring

This "Working Daze" comic reminded me of one of my favorite stories that took place shortly after Allan and I got married.

When we tied the knot, not many of our friends at school knew about it. So when I went to class the following Monday after our wedding weekend, one friend, Golnaz, immediately spied the plain gold ring I was sporting on my left hand. She gave me a coy, knowing look and asked: "What is that?" Before I could say anything, our other friend, Steve, overheard her question and sidled up to us. He followed Golnaz's gaze to my hand and studied my ring.

His earnest, excited reaction?

"Oh, is that from Lord of the Rings!?"

Golnaz stared at him incredulously for a few seconds before setting him straight: "It's a wedding ring, you dork!" I can't remember if she smacked him or not, but I wouldn't have blamed her if she did. Only a bona fide geek would see a plain, flat, gold band on the ring finger of a girl's left hand and automatically assume it's that sci-fi/fantasy ring, and not a wedding band! Apparently Roy and Kathy fit that bill! :-P

Good ol' Steve. This little anecdote has provided lots of laughter as we've recounted it numerous times throughout the years since then.We love him anyway! :-)

Things We Wish We Could Tweet/FB

Warning: not for the faint of heart!

About a year ago, I started jotting down some of the funny, irreverent, and downright dirty things that came up in conversation with Allan. Things that you'd love to Tweet or post on Facebook, but deemed rather inappropriate. So I thought I'd start saving them up privately, and before long, I'd amassed quite a collection. Now's the perfect time to blog it, I figured, so here you are. I'll leave it to your imagination to figure out who said what (aside from the obvious, of course).

MARRIAGE:

•  Mutual suspicion-- it's what makes a good marriage work
•  The day we stop cussing each other out is the day we know our marriage is in trouble
•  Our marriage is successful because it's the product of a failed divorce.

SEX:

•  Mental note: zerberts on the penis are good
•  (corollary to above) I just gave my husband a blowjob... literally! And he enjoyed it!
•  While making out with my husband, I heard a very clear and loud "boink!" (the IM chime on his phone)
•  Helly just got shocked by Allan's balls! (static)
•  She won't fake an orgasm, but she'll fake a tickle
•  Uh-oh, she's closing the blinds. She's either gonna fuck me or kill me.
•  (pouty-faced) I thought I was supposed to cum!
•  It's not GoToFuck! (on Allan staying in Portland while I'm in SB, and keeping in touch via chat/webcam, plus toys hooked up to each "other")
•  (in a resigned tone after finding nothing in the adult store) *sigh* I guess I'll have to buy a double-headed dildo online
•  "Ooh, baby! Do me 'till I dangle a participle!" (on sex while blogging-- and yes, for the record, this really works!)
•  Note to self: the apricot face scrub is NOT lube!
•  They're not speed bags, dammit, they're my testicles!

PERVERSION:

•  Allan: "I didn't marry a prude!" Helly: "No. *I* did!"
•  My wife's definition of "decorum" is saying "boob sex" instead of "titty fuck". Sigh.
•  What are you talking about!? You have your own built-in strapon! (Helly responding to Allan's assertion that she has more experience with strapons than he does)
•  Is a JB (possibly acronym for Jitter Buffer) a reverse blowjob? If so, does it mean the woman tries to spit cum back into the man's penis until it goes flaccid?

MISCELLANY:

•  You know... fuck being Asian! (on the practice of lugging around tons of souvenirs to bring home when traveling)
•  Is word leprosy an STD? (see this post for more on "word leprosy": http://heckledtrio.blogspot.com/2010/01/word-leprosy.html)
•  Humans: can't live with 'em... fuck 'em!

I Love My Bank, Part 2

I am happy to report that I did NOT participate in national "Bank Transfer Day", where disgruntled members of big behemoths like B of A were encouraged to make the switch to a bank or credit union where they wouldn't be gouged with fees. I don't blame them. I did the same when WaMu got bought out by Chase, and Chase began implementing a fee structure that could only be waived by 1) direct deposit (which we had) AND 2) a minimum amount for said direct deposit (which we did NOT have). We switched to Capital One, where we'd been keeping our savings-- better interest rate.

But, that was not our main bank. Our main bank is USAA, and we're sticking with them because, unlike other big banks, they really care about their customers and know HOW to take care of them.

Three years ago, I blogged about how wonderfully proactive USAA was about alerting us to potential fraudulent activity on our credit card. A year later, Allan's car was hit in our apartment parking lot by a drunk driver, and the transaction of getting the repair paid for went very smoothly. All throughout, whenever I had any questions or issues, I always encountered the friendliest of customer service. They were polite and thorough, always making sure our issue was completely resolved, and even though they did try, on occasion, to sell/upgrade us to certain products, they never pushed when I simply declined. As I said in my previous blog post, there is a reason they consistently rank in the top of Consumer Reports' "best customer service" category.

In fact, if they exceed their profit margin for the year, they give some of that money BACK to the customers! It isn't very much, but it's a nice little gesture. There are no outrageous fees, they refund ATM transaction fees, and make it really easy to take care of all kinds of financial needs all under one roof: banking, investments, credit cards, insurance.

Anyway, today's warm fuzzy about my bank comes about partly because the whole Bank Transfer Day movement made me especially appreciative of all the service that my bank provides, and partly because of my recent experience with something I have NEVER ever done in my life: an overdraft.

You see, we deposit my paycheck into savings, and Allan's into checking. So we essentially live off his paycheck alone. That worked well until a couple things happened recently. Todd came back and began at a new school, whose tuition was almost twice that of his old school. Not only that, but because payments are divided up into 10 months beginning from July, we owed about 3 months' worth of tuition all at once, when he began in September. The other thing was his karate lessons-- rather than writing a check every month, I prepaid for 6 months, earning a discount in the process. That's still a huge lump sum, though.

The end result? Before Allan's next paycheck was deposited, two smaller checks I'd written most recently managed to overdraw the account.

Now, I've never been one to think about overdraft protection. I usually manage our money well enough that it isn't necessary. But I had forgotten about the huge checks we wrote earlier in the month, since they veered so far off from our ordinary expenditures. And I'd never thought to actually *sign up* for overdraft protection.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I logged into our bank website to see how we were doing, and wondered what these "OD" deposits were into our checking account, and why they matched the exact dollar value of the last 2 checks written. I eventually figured it out, and realized that even though I'd never explicitly signed up for overdraft protection, USAA went ahead and took the money from our savings account anyway, to cover the overdrawn checks. And best of all? They did it for FREE. Most banks I know of will charge you to enroll in their overdraft protection plan. USAA not only does NOT charge for it, but they implemented it anyway, even though I hadn't signed up.

Now, if that's not taking care of your customers, I don't know what is.

So... in a climate where big banks are struggling to maintain a solid reputation and are gouging their customers, I am happy that we are with a big bank that truly has its customers' best interests at heart!

The Perks Of My Old Job

It's been a little over two months since I left Citrix Online and started working at UCSB. I wrote a bit about the why here. Shortly before I started working here, I came across this post by Young and Thrifty, a personal finance blogger I follow. She wrote a post about the perks of your job, and at the time, I was transitioning into the new job, and really missed the perks of my old job. Funny isn't it, how easily we take things for granted when they're readily available at all times.

First up, the food:
The kitchens at Citrix Online were well-stocked with all kinds of snacks: granola bars, Cheez-Its, Wheat Thins, peanut butter crackers, Corn Nuts, peanuts, sunflower seeds, various trail mixes, popcorn, pretzels, cookies. Whatever you had a hankering for, something was guaranteed to satisfy it.

Every Wednesday the Tech group was treated to free bagels with a wide assortment of cream cheeses. I could never decide on which cream cheese to get, so my bagel always ended up looking like a Christmas ornament-- 1/3 honey walnut, 1/3 strawberry, 1/3 blueberry.

And to keep things healthful, there was always fresh fruit onhand: apples, bananas, strawberries and grapes.

Then there was the drinks:
We had fancy coffee machines that dispensed a variety of different coffees and hot chocolate. You could control what kind of milk you got, and what flavorings were added. 
There were tons of Tazo teas in addition to the standard Lipton. I usually drank these.

There were sodas: your standard Coke, Diet Coke, root beer, Dr. Pepper, Mountain Dew
Other cold drinks included apple juice, orange juice, Snapple (various flavors-- both regular and diet), lemonade, pineapple juice, and V-8.

Even the water had plenty of options! There was ice, cold water, hot water, room temperature water, and even fizzy water!

And a lot of other things:
The work-life balance is pretty enviable. For the engineers, at least, the hours were relatively flexible. You had people working all kinds of hours, from the standard 8-5 to a typical engineer's 10-7 :-) And when not in the office, our own remote access products enabled us to easily work from home anytime, whether we simply felt like it, or had to stay home to mind a sick child without taking time off.

There are plenty of ways to take a break at work, besides feasting on the myriad of snacks and drinks in the kitchen ;-) Each of the buildings on the Citrix Online campus housed something different in its break room. One building has billiards. Another has foosball. Yet another has ping pong. And all have some large-screen TVs featuring either cable channels or an electronic game system, such as the Wii. One building even has all the equipment for Rock Band!

One unique thing about the company was the ability to bring dogs to work. We took this a step further and brought our kid to work. Twice a week Todd would come hang out with us in the afternoon, saving on after-school care costs. One day he'd be in my building, another day in Allan's. It worked especially well when he got older, and I could simply plop him in the break room to read his book, watch TV or study. He knew his way around the building well enough that he could even hit the bathroom on his own when he needed to.

Contrast that to my current job, where I think we're lucky to HAVE a communal fridge, sink and microwave to share. We just recently got a water filter installed, so now I don't have to lug water bottles back and forth from home anymore. There's no denying that I miss a lot of the perks from my old job, but so far, it's been worth the trade-off.

What kinds of perks does your job have?

The Copier Warms Up

Our ancient copy machines take forever to warm up after a night of "sleeping". I had the happy "fortune" of having to wake one of these behemoths up, as I was the first one to use them one morning. I waited, and waited, and waited. Then waited some more. Before long, I realized that the screen kept changing pictures to match the warming-up progress. I decided to take pictures of it as it went along, not realizing that I'd have a whole slew of pictures by the time the copier was completely warmed up. It probably took a good 5 minutes, but at least I was somewhat entertained throughout it all!

It began with a space shuttle, ready for launch:

I missed the shot of the space shuttle reaching the top of that... whatever that scaffolding next to is called, but there is a screen where it has risen, plumes of smoke billowing out behind it. Then came a picture of the shuttle well on its way into space:

 

Distant planets are starting to come into view:

 I see meteors and other distant galaxies!

Finally, docking with another spacecraft. And now we actually get to see astronauts floating around in space.

Did you notice something interesting-- the progress bar to the left the entire time? It started out completely filled, and then emptied as the copier warmed up. Quite the opposite of what you'd expect in a progress bar, isn't it? Usually you expect those things to fill up, not empty, as it progresses. Definitely threw me for a loop the first time I saw it.

I have to admit, this sequence of pictures was actually kind of neat. kept me entertained during the wait, at least!

Crazy Baby Names

One of my favorite comic strips is "One Big Happy" by Rick Detorie. Little Ruthie is always full of witticisms and keen observations that only the pure, innocent mind of a child could come up with.

A long time ago, I remember reading a strip featuring the arrival of a babysitter. The teenager introduced herself at the door, and while I can't remember the exact words, her speech bubbles went something like this:

My name is Typhanni. Just like "Tiffany", but with a "ph" instead of an "f", 2 "n"s and the "i" and "y" switched.

I thought it was hilarious that she had to go into such a long spiel to explain how her name is so different from the original spelling.

Little did I know that this innocent little comic strip would be a foreshadowing of the recent trend of parents trying to conjure up "unique" spellings of ordinary names for their children. Things like "Madysynn" instead of "Madison". Worse yet, totally newfangled, weird names! This trend is made fun of a lot in a blog that I read regularly: STFU, Parents!

If you haven't read that blog, I highly recommend it. The blog owner posts screenshots (along with some funny personal commentary, which really makes reading it worthwhile) of parent overshare on Facebook-- pictures of dirty diapers, children's injuries, placentas(!!), mama drama, you name it, it's on there. It can make for effective birth control! And lest you think it's a child-free, child-bashing forum, it's not. I'd venture to say that most of the readers are parents themselves. We're just shaking our heads in wonder and disgust as we marvel at why on earth fellow parents would feel the need to overshare the less glamorous parts of parenthood. Strangely enough, a lot of the oversharing parents featured on the blog name their children something out of this world.

It's getting to the point where seeing a common name, spelled in an ordinary way (like "Katherine") is something of a rarity!

Which brings me to another "One Big Happy" strip that I came across recently, and enjoyed enough to share with the STFU, Parents site. It certainly sums up how most of us blog readers feel about this onslaught of unique (or should that be: "yoo-neek"?) baby names, and not just from celebrity parents!

Right on, Ruthie! Those kids are gonna need those blessings!

Dishydrosis

As I write this, I'm taking care not to rest my left palm on any surfaces, lest I irritate it.

Why, you ask? Well, my lifelong story with itching starts with birth. I was born with a condition called neurodermatitis, where all my joints itched, and I would scratch until they bled: neck, wrists, back of the knees, crook of the elbows. From the time I was born to the time I reached puberty, I was a sight that scared many moms of fellow children, because those parts of my body were constantly covered in scabs from the repeated scratching, bleeding, and healing. They thought it was a rash and indicative of a contagious skin disease (it's not). My mom tried every remedy under the sun. Nothing worked. Doctors were stumped. Only one had the answer: there's nothing you can do but wait. And he was right. When I hit puberty, everything suddenly vanished. If you look closely at my arms, wrists and legs, you can make out some of the scars from 12 years of constant itching. For the next decade, I lived in relative peace from the itching.

Then, in 1998, my palms started itching. Before I knew it, the entire surface of both of my hands were aflame with itchiness, and it got so bad that I had to wrap them in gauze to protect the open wounds from scratching, and to keep myself from making it worse. I remember eating lunch with a colleague at the mess hall. Someone stopped by our table to inquire about my hand, and before I could mumble something about a rash, my colleague interjected with: "She beat somebody up. You should see the other guy!"

It was funny, but not as funny as the constant itching. Fortunately, it went away after a few weeks. The incident still left me puzzled, because I had never in my life experienced itching on my PALMS before!

Enter the year 2008. I remember sitting at my desk at Citrix when I noticed a blister on my finger. Without thinking, I scratched at it. The next thing I knew, both hands were again covered in itchy blisters: not just the palm, the sides of my fingers, too! It didn't help that right around this time, I was hit with a bad bout of the flu, so the misery doubled. When a couple weeks had gone by with still no relief in sight, I did some searching online and came across articles (and a user group) on a condition called dishydrosis. The symptoms matched mine, and I checked the treatment options. While there is no cure, there ARE ways to find relief. One of the suggestions was to soak the affected area in hydrogen peroxide. I sent Allan to the drugstore for some, and tried it: poured some in a bowl and then just dunked my hands in it, one by one.

The effect was interesting: The affected area started bubbling and fizzing. Blisters turned white, drained, and eventually dried out. The itchiness subsided. And, except for a few spots where the wounds were still open, it didn't hurt a bit! After another week or two, my hands were back to normal.

Back to my opening sentence. As you can imagine, the blisters have struck again. Fortunately, they are confined to only part of my left palm. My fingers and my right hand remain unaffected. But it's been slow to heal. Armed with my H2O2 experiences from last time, I tried to do the soaks early on. So far they haven't helped-- blisters dry out, but new ones take their place soon afterward. My guess is that it simply takes several weeks, period, for the disease to run its course, and that the first time I tried the hydrogen peroxide treatment, it just so happened to be at the end of the cycle anyway. I guess I'll try being more faithful about soaking my hands this time around-- see if more regular use keeps the blisters at bay until they go away for good. It's already been a couple of weeks and I'm tired of this red, angry rash.

What's interesting about this is that each recurrence has been different. The first time, only my two palms were affected-- but very badly (i.e. the entire palm). The second time, my entire HAND was affected. And this time around, only part of my left palm. Count my blessings, at least? :-)

More on Reading

Two years ago I delved into a bit of nostalgia, remembering with fondness the books I enjoyed as a child: http://heckledtrio.blogspot.com/2009/12/reading-memories.html

Many of those books I've come to share with Todd, finding them in the library and bringing them home for him to read. He has enjoyed the Little House series immensely, and even did his first school book report on one of them. The Ramona series also became a favorite of his, in addition to Beverly Cleary's other much-loved series, such as Henry Huggins, Ralph S. Mouse and others.

Yesterday Tabitha posted about what she's currently reading, and that spawned some commentary about what I was currently reading, myself.

Now that Todd is a little older, his grade-appropriate reading is a little more involved. There is more classroom reading, and every month there is a book project to do (not a full-blown book report, thankfully). So I've had to keep up with his reading a lot more than I used to. And in the process, I've discovered some other favorites!

I love anything by Dick King-Smith, author of Babe. He writes a lot of animal stories, and I find that nothing is more entertaining than anthropomorphized animals! In my post 2 years ago, I mentioned The Incredible Journey as a favorite, for much the same reason-- animals!

Todd is currently in the middle of Judy Blume's Fudge series, which I actually read last year, and which I found a good form of "birth control". Just reading about little brother Fudge's crazy antics makes me wonder how his parents (and older brother, whose point of view the story is told from) keep their sanity, and glad that I only have ONE such kid to deal with!

In class, he's reading My Side of the Mountain, which I also decided to pick up and read. And I love it! Why? Because it so perfectly fits the type of story I've always been enchanted by as a kid: the kind where you read minute details about people being resourceful and surviving. It's the main reason I enjoyed The Boxcar Children (which I mentioned in the previous post, as well) when I was little, and why the winter scenes from Laura Ingalls Wilder's The Long Winter are among my favorites: lots of details about what they ate, how they scrounged up their food, how they obtained shelter, etc.

I've enjoyed stories meant for older kids, as well, such as John Grisham's Theodore Boone, his attempt to transport his usual courtroom drama into a youth novel. Still a little adult-flavored, in my opinion, but a fascinating read nevertheless. I spied Little Blog on the Prairie in the teen corner of our library, and couldn't resist the wacky-sounding title-- it turned out to be a pretty cute story about a modern-day girl transported back to 1890 as her family attends "Frontier Camp"! And finally, I've started to get into books by Alex Sanchez, his The God Box, the first one I read, being especially good. I hope to expand on his work in a later post.

And finally, I've been able to get some books for free through a website called BookSneeze. The basic premise of this program is that they'll send you a book for free in exchange for your writing an honest review about it-- both on your blog and on a big retailer site, like Amazon. So far I've read and reviewed one book (which I wasn't terribly impressed with), and am in the middle of reading a biography of George Washington Carver. No pressure to write a positive review-- just an honest one. This program is an offshoot of Thomas Nelson Publishers, so the majority of the selection is Christian-themed. And a lot of the books are available only as e-books, so that makes reading a bit cumbersome for me. Still, it's a neat program, and so far I'm enjoying participating in it. Highly recommended if you like reading, and don't mind having to finish a book and write a review about it before you can get your next one :-)

What's on your bookshelf these days?

Marriage: A Partnership

It is Day 1 of the November NaBloPoMo, and, as is the case each year, it always kicks off with our anniversary. Today the husband and I celebrate 8 years of marriage. EIGHT years! Where does the time go! That's 4 times longer than our previous relationship records. And we're still going strong. Of course, in the grand scheme of things, 8 years isn't really that long. I'm sure there are those more experienced out there who are thinking: yeah right, just wait till you hit 15 years, 20 years, 30 years... and that's a valid point. If I'm still blogging 7 years from now, I'll try to remember to revisit this and see how things are going at 15 years. The question is... who of my readers will still be reading and remind me? ;-)

I got to thinking about what makes a marriage work. You can glean nuggets of wisdom from both the experts and from people who have lived long, satisfying marriages. Of course, you get different opinions on what the key ingredient to a successful marriage is. I think the only single thing that is universally true is that it's all different! That, really, is my main take-away from all those articles and interviews that showcase marriage/relationship longevity: you gotta figure out what works for you!

For me and Allan, it's a couple of key factors.

1. We work together, not against each other. And I mean that literally. Everything is an equal partnership, from household chores (he usually cooks, I usually clean, and on weekends we divide up the weekly house cleaning) to raising the boy (he gets him ready in the morning and off to school, I pick him up and get him ready for bed at night) to discussing major household decisions. At the same time, we know we can count on each other to fill in when we're unable to take fulfill our "main" responsibilities.

2. There has to be some give and take. The greatest example is sex. By and large, men have a bigger sex drive than women, so for the most part, the man is gonna want it more frequently than the woman. That's just the way nature rolls, and there's honestly nothing wrong with that. We've found that bartering works remarkably well-- trade sex for doing the dishes ;-) Kidding! Actually, only half-kidding. We don't make a regular practice of "bartering" for sex, but once in a while it actually does work. Allan gets his nookie and I get out of doing a mundane chore for a night. It's win-win all around! ;-)

On a more serious note, though, there really is nothing wrong with a bit of compromise. I'm sure Allan would like it more often than we do it, and I could get by less often than we do it (especially when Todd is in town, keeping us busy and wearing us out), so how often we DO do it is our compromise. And yes, there are times when I don't really feel like it, but go ahead with it anyway. More often than not, I wind up having fun and saying "I'm glad you started that", but if not-- no big deal. It's not an affront to Allan, and he doesn't take it as such.

Sex is an integral part of marriage, but it's not the end-all-be-all. It's fun, but shouldn't be taken too seriously.

Which brings me to my last point:

3) We don't take each other, or any issues that crop up, too seriously. That's not to say that we treat serious issues cavalierly. We deal with what comes up, and don't let it consume our lives. Equally important is feeling that there isn't anything you can't discuss. After all, what's a spouse if not your best friend, the person with whom you're free to confide everything in?

The corollary to that is being able to be lighthearted about anything. Even serious topics like divorce. I've known people who thought that the mere mention of it spelled doom for their marriage. Nonsense. If you can't freely talk about it, how can you address issues that might be serious enough to make you contemplate divorce? Not only do Allan and I freely discuss it when relevant, but we also feel free to joke about it. And there's nothing wrong with that, so long as joking is not the only way you ever discuss divorce. It lends a bit of levity to an otherwise depressing topic.

And when it comes to laughter-- what better way to diffuse an argument than with a bit of funny? I can certainly attest to how well that works: http://heckledtrio.blogspot.com/2008/02/how-to-diffuse-argument.html

I guess the nutshell version of this isn't all that different from the generic advice you get from others: teamwork, compromise and humor.

What works for you?

Book Review: Just In Case You Ever Wonder

Just In Case You Ever Wonder by Max Lucado. Illustrated by Toni Goffe.

Let me start out by saying that I generally enjoy Max Lucado's works. His adult books are easy to read and express common-sense concepts about faith in bite-sized chunks that are easy to chew on and digest. So I was looking forward to reading this to my 7-year-old son at bedtime when I received it. Since it was in e-book format, I turned off the light, snuggled into bed next to him, and turned on the iPad. Cozy, right? Well, on to the book itself...

Just In Case You Ever Wonder is a Christian children's book that looks as if it were meant for young children-- not many words, lots of pictures. But the content is really geared more towards older children. The basic premise of the story is sweet and innocuous enough: told from a parent's point of view, it is a reminder to children that their parents will always be there for them and will always love them. A good message....

... until I got to the part about scary noises at night and seeing monsters in shadows. That bothered me. I can see how such a notion can be planted into a young child's head and cause problems. I get that the idea was to reassure the child that their parents (and God) will love and protect them even when they're scared, but I think better examples could have been used. Not every kid thinks there are monsters under the bed, and maybe now they will!

The book then trails off a bit into the topic of heaven and how wonderful it is. Which is also nice, but seems strangely out of place in a book that starts strongly with the message that a child can turn to his parents and to God for love and support. 

All in all, I thought the *overall* message of the book was nice-- "I'm here for you no matter what"-- and that's something I definitely want to impart to my child. But the way this idea was presented felt rather disjointed and disorganized, on top of the use of some poor examples. This probably won't be a book I'll be passing along to anyone as a gift. I definitely think there are better books out there that can present this idea, with better examples and better-flowing content.


Note: I received a complimentary copy of this book through booksneeze.com in exchange for honest feedback about the book. The opinions expressed in this review are solely my own.

The Trouble With Remotes

Today's Drabble comic reminded me of a couple of funny television-remote-related anecdotes, as well as some musings. First up, the comic:

Yesterday my boss arrived at work, dug around in her purse for her keys to let herself into the building, and was surprised to see her TV remote in there. That's when she realized that in her morning rush, she'd inadvertently grabbed the remote instead of her cell phone... which happened to be sitting right next to the remote. When she left at quittin' time, she wondered aloud about what kinds of long distance calls her dog must have made in her absence ;-)

The mention of her dog reminded me of Ron and Debbie's late doggie-- Sammy. Apparently one weekend while they were out of town, leaving the dog to his own devices (see, unlike kids, dogs can do well on their own for a few days-- leave them some food and water, and they're good to go!), Sammy accidentally stepped on the remote, turning the TV on. Further actions-- maybe playing with it? -- caused the volume to go up. Way up. It got so loud that not only did it scare poor Sammy, but the neighbors actually called the cops because of the noise! The cops had to break in and turn off the TV. Who knows how long the TV was on before Sammy was rescued from the clutches of the noise pollution! ;-)

We're so attached to our remotes. Makes you wonder how on earth we managed to survive in the days of TVs that had knobs you had to manually turn. I remember growing up watching one of those small B&W models with the... what was it, 13? channels. That was before we moved into our house, and our living room apartment was so small we sat close enough to the TV that sitting up and reaching out to turn the knob wasn't too inconveniencing.

Why is it that when the batteries on a remote run low, we respond by pressing the buttons harder? Do we somehow believe that the weak connection will work better if we exert untold force on the poor buttons?

Amazing, isn't it-- in the span of just a decade or two, we've gone from the non-existence of remote controls to now having to keep track of 3 or 4. Let's see-- the TV, the VCR, the DVD, the stereo, the DirectTV console... yeah, it adds up. No wonder we're so attached to our clickers, we become virtually unable to function without them. Just like Ralph Drabble above :-)

The New Job at my Old Haunt

As many of you are no doubt aware, I started a new job at UCSB 2 weeks ago. I'm currently starting my third week, which is also my first full 5-day week. The first two were short ones: I started on a Tuesday, then last week was shortened due to the Labor Day holiday).

I first came to UCSB exactly 10 years ago, in the Fall of 2001, to begin my studies in computer science here. This is where I met my husband, this is where our son was born, and this is where we bought our first house. And now, 6 years after graduating, I am back-- except now I can park in some of the better-located parking lots! :-) It feels a bit strange to back on campus amongst all the young 'uns. Today's freshman class was born during my senior year of high school! How's that for perspective? A lot has changed on campus since I was last here, and I feel a mix of nostalgia as I walk by our old haunts near the Engineering building, and take in some of the new scenery that has been constructed since I left.

Anyway, I digress... the new job!

Many of you have long known that I've had aspirations to move out of the software engineering industry. I mean, the field is fun to a point, but I knew early on that this was not something I wanted to do long-term, as a career. I thought about the various types of things I'd done in my career thus far and came to the conclusion that there were a couple of things I knew I enjoyed doing, and did well. One was training, which I discussed briefly in an older blog post here. The other was basically anything that was highly-organized and highly-structured in nature.

I remember when I first arrived at the 72nd Signal Battalion headquarters in Mannheim, Germany, a brand new Army lieutenant. As part of my inprocessing, my sponsor took me to meet the Battalion Adjutant (S-1), which is essentially the equivalent of an HR manager for the unit. I remember sitting in Darren's office, thinking to myself, "this is the job I want". Sure enough, after a couple of years, I landed the job. And just as I had imagined, I loved the job. I loved the administrative nature of the job. I loved organizing and analyzing data, having it at my fingertips whenever it was needed. I loved figuring out ways to streamline our personnel processes. When it came time to write my annual review (which came close to the time I was getting ready to leave the Army), my commanding officer acknowledged that I had a passion for this type of work, and that if I had chosen to stay in the military, he would've recommended me for a personnel-oriented career track.

Unfortunately, I had no idea of what kinds of civilian-equivalent jobs my work as the S-1 would translate to. I wasn't aware that there was such a thing as "Human Resources" in the civilian world. Instead, having been surrounded by fellow Signal Corps officers who came from engineering backgrounds, I decided to give computer science a try. After doing that for 6 years, though, I was feeling burnt out enough to realize that I needed to actively pursue a different career. I had held out for something within Training or HR at Citrix, but nothing really panned out.

So when the job opportunity came up at UCSB, I jumped at it. I wasn't really holding out for much, as I knew how hard it is to break into the UC system, since many of the job placements are done from internal hiring/promotions. But lo and behold, here I am!

The days have been flying by. Each day keeps me so busy that time zooms by before I even realize it. In fact, the only way I even know that time has gone by is by the rumbling in my tummy alerting me to lunch/snack time. I'm enjoying the work, and am learning about all sorts of things related to Academic Personnel and campus-wide policies pertaining to personnel.

My job is strictly 8-5, which is great because I can leave work at 5:00 on the dot to pick up Todd from school. And when I arrive at 8:00 in the morning, my co-workers are there, too, in case I need to pick anyone's brain for something. Unlike Citrix, where most of my co-workers showed up between 9:00 and 10:00, so if I ever ran into an issue at 8:00am, I'd have to wait at least an hour anyway. And leaving at 5:00pm wasn't so easy either, as I'd often find myself right in the middle of something I couldn't easily break away from. That wasn't so bad when Todd's after-school care was nearby and open until 6:00pm, but now that it closes at 5:30 and is farther away, it's even more imperative that I leave right at 5:00.

The benefits are really good too-- especially the defined benefit retirement plan-- that's pure gold in this day and age. Discounted university classes are a nice plus (not that I have the time or inclination for that these days, anyway), and there are all kinds of opportunities for training within my field.

Anyway-- so far so good! I like being at a job where I'm not only in my element (I get to wield a red pen! It doesn't get any better than that! ;-) ) but where I'm busy and productive all day long and where I can go home and just NOT think about work in the evening or on weekends.

There you have it. My first couple weeks (and the years leading up to it!) in a nutshell :-) Here's to many, many more!