Militaries All Over the World

Being stationed in Germany affords the opportunity to meet and train with your military counterparts from many different nations. It wasn't unusual for our unit to conduct a joint FTX (field training exercise) with a Signal unit from another NATO country. Usually it was with British forces, since there were a number of British bases in Germany. Mostly in the north. Seems as though, after World War II, the Brits took up northern Germany and the Americans settled in southern Germany :-)

It was kind of neat, getting to interact with officers and soldiers from sister units from various countries, all while remaining in the same country of Germany. We all had the military (and, more specifically, the Signal Corps) in common, but we all came from vastly different cultures about the military.

For example, I learned that British officers live much the same way American enlisted soldiers do-- in dormitory-style buildings with shared bathrooms. By contrast, American officers live in the lap of luxury with our own apartments. I remember once arriving on the site of a joint exercise in Krefeld  around lunch time. Our host said he'd wake up one of the soldiers to fix us something to eat. Imagine my shock when he went-- not into a building, not into a tent, but... underneath a 5-ton truck! The soldiers actually draped bedskirt-like coverings all around the truck and slept underneath it!

And while there has always been a clear social divide between American officers and American enlisted, that divide is even sharper and more stringently obeyed between British officers and British enlisted. I remember when we all came back from the field in the middle of an exercise to rest and relax over the weekend. The whole group of us Americans went out to eat, and, of course, I ate with my platoon's soldiers. Who else was I going to hang out with? When we ran into a group of British soldiers at a pub later that night, they were downright amazed that I was actually socializing with my own soldiers... and with them!

The German view of the military is a complete 180 to the American view. In the US, being in the military is something that is respected and honored. In Germany, you join only because everyone is obligated to do either military or civil service after high school. Hardly anyone actually enlists to make a career out of it, and those that do? Are generally looked down upon, as if they can't do anything with their lives, so the military was their only option.

I also remember one time when we did an exercise with a German Signal unit. It was on one of the few German bases actually occupied by German troops (rather than American or British), so even though we camped out in our tents, we were able to visit the neighboring buildings to shower and eat. Since there are no women in the Germany military (or at least, there weren't when I was there-- things might have changed now?), we drew more than a fair share of odd stares when a group of us women would troop to the showers together.

All in all, it was quite enlightening to learn about the military culture of other nations. And despite our differences, our common goal of keeping peace in a non-peaceful world really reminded us that, deep down, we are all truly the same: human beings.

I'm posting every day in October as part of the 31-Day Writing Challenge. Click here to read more about it and to see the rest of my posts this month!

Eco-friendly Germany

One of the things that impressed me the most about Germany was how eco-friendly the whole place is, even more so than Southern California, which is probably more environmentally conscious than the rest of the United States.

Obviously, public transportation, which I wrote about last week, plays a big role in reducing the number of cars on the road. And if you do drive, public parking isn't cheap. Additionally, in many bigger cities, you actually have to purchase a special "environmental sticker" for your car to be allowed to drive there.

In Muenster especially, bicycles are a prominent form of transportation as well. There is a saying that goes something like "Every person in Muenster is born on a bicycle", a testament to the number of bikes in the city. I remember borrowing one and using it to get around during one of the first times I visited our old family friends there:

1998

Then there's recycling. Germans really take the concept to a new level with not just separating general trash from recyclable goods, but divvying up the various recycling categories, as well. Typically, the division runs like this: one bin for bio-waste that can be used for composting, one bin for regular waste, a bin for paper, a bin for plastics/packaging, and a bin for glass (which, even then, can be further subdivided according to color of glass).

It can be dizzying, but it's pretty impressive! We could stand to learn a thing or two from our neighbors on this little planet! :-)

I'm posting every day in October as part of the 31-Day Writing Challenge. Click here to read more about it and to see the rest of my posts this month!

German Bed and Bedding

As is often the case with most couples, Allan and I have different heat tolerances. This is especially evident at bedtime-- back when we were sharing the same blanket, as most American couples do, it was rather trying. I'd either be too cold or he'd be too hot.

So we hit upon a solution: do blankets German-style, that is: each person has his/her own blanket (or. more accurately, duvet). Allan got a thin one, I got a thick one, and voila! No more problems at bedtime!

Now, the Germans don't just have separate blankets. They also have separate twin-size mattresses pushed together, like so:

Often the two mattresses are enclosed in one big bed frame, like so:

I like having separate beds and separate blankets. When your partner moves around, it's less likely to disturb you, because your shared space isn't as connected (single blanket that will move, single mattress that transmits motion to your side). There's a clearer delineation between your side and my side, which limits bed hogging. And blanket hogging is a thing of the past when you have your own!

I also like the concept of the duvet and duvet cover. Unlike American blankets, which are protected from your skin by flimsy flat sheets, duvets are encased in a cover, much like a pillowcase. When it gets dirty, it's a cinch to pull off the cover and throw it in the wash. And you don't have to worry about all those pesky layers of sheets and blankets getting tangled up. AND it's MUCH easier to make your bed-- fluff out your blanket, fold it neatly, and you're done!

Of course, Allan and I took this concept to the next level with completely separate DOUBLE beds (rather than twin beds) pushed together, creating the effect of one gigantic bed that still doesn't take up all of our master bedroom:

See? Plenty of room for our myriad of stuffed animals! :-D

I'm posting every day in October as part of the 31-Day Writing Challenge. Click here to read more about it and to see the rest of my posts this month!

Nostalgia 2: Living in Mannheim

Yesterday's post got me a little misty-eyed, recalling the "ruins" of the US Army bases in Mannheim where I used to live and work. So today I thought I'd write a little more about what it was like living there.

I was stationed in Mannheim from January 1998 through September 2001. I had come straight out of college, so this was my first real job, and my first time away from home. Unlike many of my colleagues, I elected to live on post (officers, senior enlisted, and enlisted folks with family had the choice of living on post or living on the economy and getting a housing allowance for it), which kept me in closer proximity to everything you might need, especially work!

The military base at Mannheim was one of the larger ones in Germany. It was spread out over several barracks (Kaserne) throughout various parts of the city, and constituted a microcosm of sorts. You could conceivably be stationed in Germany for years and never once interact with a German, learn the language, eat the food... You were surrounded by fellow Americans and everything you needed was on post: the PX for general shopping needs, the commissary for groceries, a theater, bowling alley, schools for your children (from elementary through high school), a university, a library, barbershop, a Burger King (LOL) and various nightclub-type spots-- including one featuring weekly karaoke! :-)

Of course, most people didn't limit themselves to on-post activities (I really don't know why you'd want to!) Unlike most military bases in the US, we didn't have distinct Officer's, NCO and Enlisted Clubs. Most of us were busy hitting up the local bars in downtown Mannheim (most memorably, O'Reilly's Irish Pub, where my hair once caught on fire!). And I rarely shopped on post-- at the time, the dollar was so strong that it was cheaper to shop on the local economy. Not to mention you had a bigger, better variety of goods, especially groceries!

One of the things I remember with the most fondness was the close relationships between the American troops and the local Germans. Many of our civilian employees were local nationals. Several of my soldiers had German families. And every year, in Benjamin Franklin Village, literally right across the street from my apartment, we held an annual German-American Volksfest, where Germans and Americans alike gathered together in giant beer tents to eat, drink, and make merry. It was kid-friendly, too-- lots of carnival rides and games outside the beer tent.

 

It goes without saying that living in the heart of Europe made it amazingly convenient to travel to neighboring countries. From cruising the river Seine in Paris to ferrying across the channel to the UK, from skiing in the Swiss Alps to sunning yourself on Spanish beaches, from venturing through the red-light district in Amsterdam to visiting World War I historical sights in Belgium, it was all easily accessible.

I don't think I fully appreciated how fortunate I was to be able to live there, while I was actually there. Since I'd never lived on my own before, I really didn't have anything to compare it to. Looking back, I wish I'd made more use of travel opportunities and learning the language. But I'm glad I got the chance to experience living there, to meet the many people I did, and to be very small part of the history of Americans in Germany. For many of us who were stationed here, it is indeed our "second home".

I'm posting every day in October as part of the 31-Day Writing Challenge. Click here to read more about it and to see the rest of my posts this month!

To Feed or Not To Feed

Did you know that the first week of every August is designated as National (or is it World?) Breastfeeding Awareness Week? I didn't-- until now. Hearing about it brought to mind a few breastfeeding-related topics that really get my goat.

First off, let me be clear that I definitely believe that "breast is best" (if for no other reason than it's more convenient and cost-effective!) and that women should be educated about their choices. What I DON'T believe, however, is that breastfeeding is a one-size-fits-all deal. Some women can't breastfeed. Some women choose not to. And what I don't believe in is shaming them for it. I believe a mother should be supported no matter what her choice.

Secondly, I draw a clear distinction between people who genuinely care about and lovingly support breastfeeding mothers, and those that would vilify any mother who chooses otherwise, guilt-tripping them for not breastfeeding. The latter group has truly earned the "boob Nazi" moniker.

There is an episode of "Law and Order: SVU" in which a new, young mother is brought to trial for the death of her newborn baby, who starved to death because she was unable to nurse him. Why didn't she feed him formula? Because she was so terrorized by the bullying lactation consultant, who convinced her that feeding him formula was the worst thing she could possibly do. Here was this new, young, inexperienced mother who believed the professional who should know better. Instead, the "professional" raged about how vile and awful formula was. Now, no question, breastmilk is superior to formula, but that doesn't make it poisonous! As the prosecutor said: "babies don't starve to death from it!"

I myself had a similar experience when Todd was born. I had incredible difficulty getting Todd to nurse, and the boob Nazi assigned to me was rude and brusque. She did nothing to help me feel better about being unable to nurse my child. She made me feel like it was MY fault, like I wasn't trying hard enough. And though she never outright said anything, I could feel her disapproval when I fed Todd a bottle. Sorry, but I'm not gonna let my baby starve! (as it turned out, I was able to get a supply going by pumping exclusively, so while Todd never nursed, he did drink expressed milk from a bottle for the first 6 months of his life. And while I would've loved to keep it up longer, I'm glad I was able to for that short period of time, and have no regrets about it).

And now, NYC Mayor Bloomberg wants hospitals to lock up formula, keeping track of bottles that are signed out, and forcing new mothers to endure a lecture every time they ask for a bottle. This is just another manifestation of the arrogant, brusque behavior I encountered with the nurse at my hospital. Women are made to feel like they are harming their babies by feeding them formula.

Given that breastfeeding fell out of favor not that long ago, I can understand (and totally support!) efforts to educate and support women in this endeavor.  What I DON'T understand is how treating women like idiots and shaming them into breastfeeding is supposed to encourage anyone to do so. For a myriad of reasons, breastfeeding can be a hard task for many. Most women (like me) who try and fail are already feeling bad that they can't breastfeed their babies, what they need is kindness and compassion and support, not judgment and condescension that only worsens the guilt. And even if formula feeding is a set, conscious choice from the get-go, that is no reason for shaming, either. Contrary to what boob Nazis would have you believe, formula DOES provide adequate nourishment for a growing baby, and as long as baby is healthy and loved, that's all that matters.

Another thing I take issue with are the reasons that boob Nazis give for support of breastfeeding. I will grant that yes, nutritionally and economically, breastmilk beats formula. But when they make formula out to be this evil, deadly potion, I'm really offended. Plenty of people (including me) have been raised exclusively on formula and turned out just fine. The worst part is when they use "statistics" to illustrate how much worse off (physically and mentally) children raised on formula are compared to their breastfed counterparts. Not only is much of this data skewed, misleading or outright false, but it lays needless blame on mothers for not "trying hard enough" to do what's "best" for their child. Unless you've walked a mile in that mother's shoes, you have absolutely NO right to dictate what is best for her and her baby.

Yet another "advantage" that boob Nazis tout about breastfeeding is the close "bonding" between mother and child. I'm sorry, but that is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard. Does this mean fathers can't bond with their babies? What about adoptive parents? Or the mother who had a double mastectomy long before the baby was born? True bonding comes from the act of closely holding, loving, and caring for the child-- and this can take place whether the feeding is done by bottle or by breast.

As you've probably surmised, this is a bit of a touchy topic for me. I understand what it's like to try so hard at doing my best for my baby, only to be made to feel like an inadequate, incompetent mother for not nursing him, for supplementing with formula, for not going longer than 6 months, etc... I have boob Nazi Facebook friends who post statuses and links to articles that they believe are supposed to educate women about the benefits of breastfeeding, but really only serve to guilt-trip those who don't.

Parents make a myriad of choices when it comes to raising their children. Every situation is unique. Everyone has their own individual set of challenges to overcome. So why is what/how they feed their babies anyone's business but their own? Barring outright abuse or neglect, there is no one right or wrong way to do thing. Why, then, are parents being shown anything but support, love and compassion for their choices?

Planning Ahead

I can be somewhat obsessive about planning ahead. For instance, I'm going out to karaoke tonight, something that has been a somewhat regular outing for me and a core group of karaoke-loving friends for the past year and a half. Every time I've gone, I've come prepared with a list of songs that I can choose from, making the selection process that much quicker once I arrive at the bar. I can't help it-- I don't like going in there unprepared. I'm the antithesis of one of my "karaoke buddies", Nick, who *prefers* going into the bar without a set agenda. He even let us pick a song for him once. You can guess what he ended up having to do: "Barbie Girl" by Aqua ;-) Anyway, I look upon my planning ahead with practicality in mind:

1) It saves time, not having to flip through an enormous song book to find something that catches my fancy.
2) I know I'm sticking to songs I CAN do (there are some songs that span such a huge vocal range that I simply cannot do them, knowing which ones to avoid helps me avoid embarrassment on stage)
3) Likes and dislikes are fleeting. I might not even FEEL like singing the song I really wanted to do last week. Having a current list ensures that I have a list of possibilities that I actually *want* to do.

I even go a step further and try to plan out WHEN I'll sing songs. Slower songs, or songs that I'm not 100% confident about, I'll tend to request earlier in the evening, when it's not as crowded. Songs I know I can rock, or just plain faster songs that get people moving, are better later in the evening, when there's more people to kick up a storm on the dance floor.

Karaoke isn't the only thing I plan for, though. Spreadsheets are my friend :-) When I was in the Army, I was nicknamed the "PowerPoint Ranger" because of my extensive use of PowerPoint (well, I had to, it was part of my job!), but these days, I think "Excel Ranger" is more apt.

Spreadsheets come in very handy when it comes to managing the family budget-- a pretty common use of them, I would imagine. They also came in very handy when it came to buying our house. Knowing the interest rate, I worked out several different mortgage scenarios, based on potential purchase price and available down payment. This gave me an idea of how high we could comfortably afford to go with our offer price, and enabled us to give our realtor a set figure from which we couldn't go much higher. Makes negotiations easier when you know what your maximum is.

I even plan out our vacations on spreadsheets. In summer of 2007, we all flew up to Vancouver for a conference that Allan was attending through the university. After the conference, we rented a car and drove down along the West Coast back home, stopping by cities along the way to see family and friends: Seattle, Portland, San Francisco. I had the entire trip mapped out, to the hour, on spreadsheets. Even though I got very sick during the trip and had to forego much of the sightseeing myself, we managed to stay remarkably on track with the plan. Whenever we go to Vegas, I map out our itinerary on Excel, too. Helps work out how much the hotel, food and activities will cost us in sum.

Now, that's not to say that there's no room for flexibility in there. Some of the activities I throw in are more like "placeholders"-- things we can do if we feel like it or find nothing else interesting to do, but it's not the end of the world if we don't do it. It's the best of both worlds, actually-- room for spontaneity, yet still with a backup plan. There are, of course, some things I will not leave to chance-- like booking our hotel room. And I prefer planning out where we're going to eat so that we can keep costs in check. But other than that-- having a plan makes me feel better about having some sort of structure to guide us during our trip.

How about you? What sorts of things do you like to plan ahead for?

The Little Things

You know how they say that it's the little things in life that you really appreciate? Well, I didn't really understand that until I got older (read: busier, especially due to a kid).

What are some of the little things that make me happy?

Knowing that I don't have to make my son's lunch for the next day. I would have to say that this tops the list. Silvergreens delivers lunch to Todd's school some days of the week, and I usually order at least one meal a week from them. I keep the monthly at-a-glance calendar on the fridge for easy reference, and I literally (yes, literally!) jump for joy and do a little happy dance when I look at the calendar and see that lunch is being delivered tomorrow. Especially on days when I'm especially frazzled already. I later discovered that I wasn't the only parent who does this happy dance, so I'm glad there are others out there who understand :-)

Being able to go to bed early. Todd isn't yet dry at night, so I usually have to stay up until at least 11:00pm in order to haul him out of bed and make sure he goes to the bathroom, before diapering him and putting him back to bed for the rest of the night. Of course, by the time that chore is done, I'm wide awake and will take time to settle back down to enough sleepiness to climb into bed-- and by then it's already midnight. So when he's out of town (as he is this week), I can take full advantage of going to bed as early as I like, without any worries!

Enjoying holidays that most private companies do not. Veteran's Day a couple weeks ago is a prime example. You see, when I left Citrix, I exchanged 16 days of PTO per year for 10 days of vacation per year at UCSB. However, sick days are counted separately from bona fide vacation days, and I get 12 of those every year. So, for true vacation days, it about evens out, time-wise. Plus the added bonus of 3 extra holidays that places like Citrix don't observe. It's kind of nice knowing you have a day off when everyone else has to work :-D

Unexpected free food at work. At Citrix this was a little more prevalent than it is here (and I'm not talking about the regular things like Bagel Wednesdays and free snacks/drinks perpetually available). Nothing is quite as nice as wondering what you're going to do for lunch, and getting ready to shell out some $$ to eat at the cafe, only to discover leftovers from a lunchtime meeting in the kitchen. But you have to act fast! Those things disappear fast! Here, a co-worker will occasionally bring in baked goods, which makes a nice breakfast treat, but that's really about it.

How about you? What are the little things in life that bring you enjoyment and pleasure?

Veteran's Day: The Demise of DADT

Happy Veteran's Day! This is the year that "Don't Ask, Don't Tell", which was implemented the year I began ROTC at UCLA, was finally repealed. Well-- okay, it was technically repealed last year, but this is the year it's finally gone into effect. I'm ashamed to say that while I was in the service, I was pretty nonchalant about the whole rule. I didn't really care one way or the other. The rule did not apply to me, and since I didn't know anyone who was gay (for obvious reasons-- it was "against" the law!) I didn't understand the full extent to which it affected people.

It didn't get any better once I went on active duty. I remember what it was like while I was in the service. I realize that opposition you hear from military personnel today stems from being "brainwashed" by the system. While there are definitely segments of the population who truly are homophobic to the core (and these segments can often be overrepresented in the military), there is something to be said for assuming and believing that something is wrong when you're taught it's illegal. When you're taught, on top of that, justifications for why it's illegal, you're going to automatically agree with it and apply that thinking to your own feelings. I went from being totally noncommittal about and ignorant of the topic of homosexuality to being slightly uncomfortable about the idea, simply because that's what I'd been taught, however indirectly, by the DADT policy.

Once I returned to the civilian world, however, things changed for me. No longer in uniform, I began to see things from an outsider's point of view. I had friends who were gay. The discrimination faced by homosexuals today started hitting home for me. I began identifying with their equal rights causes (such as No on Prop 8), and I started realizing just how wrong and misguided DADT was. I was aware that it was an attempt to reach a compromise between the staunch defenders of the anti-homosexual policy that was prevalent in years past, and the more forward-thinking human rights defenders trying to end discrimination. A compromise that, obviously, fared no better than the overtly discriminatory policy it replaced.

Vicious hatred spewed in support of keeping DADT filled me with revulsion, but the half-assed supporters, who were merely mouthing the party line without truly understanding what they were saying? I knew why they were saying the things they did, knew they probably didn't believe it deep-down, and had simply been "brainwashed" by living under the policy day after day. They took for granted that gays serving in the military must be wrong, simply because it was "outlawed".

That isn't to say that I condone any opposition, or justifications thereof, to the repeal of DADT. But I do understand, to a certain degree, where some of this opposition comes from. And it all boils back down to the key ingredient in rectifying past wrongs: EDUCATION. Educate people. Many are misinformed. I know I was, and woefully so. When you simply don't know any better, it's easy to fall prey to the falsehoods spread by the truly prejudiced.

I am heartened to see the military fully embracing and preparing for the repeal, because having support from higher echelons will go a long way toward changing individual soldiers' minds. Being thoroughly educated at all levels is vital. If the pervasive anti-gay attitude in the military comes about because that's what they've been taught through policies like DADT, then the repeal of DADT, and subsequent education at all levels, will hopefully reverse that.

I reflected on the things I cherished most about the United States military in my Veteran's Day post last year-- many of those things still hold true. Our military is one that I still truly, deeply admire and am still proud of. Which is why I look forward to our armed forces becoming even more top-notch as they uphold the freedoms of those who fight to defend the freedoms of the rest of us!

The Meme where we reveal our secrets

Throughout my years of blogging, I've done several Q&A type quizzes, memes and posts dealing with the more private aspects of myself: from deeper ruminations about life to lighthearted trivia about my own quirks and foibles. Today Tabitha posted her response to a meme that's currently going around: revealing some of your secrets on video. Here is my version.



Some of you may already be familiar with some of the tidbits on there. Some of it will be new to you. Either way, I had fun making this video, and was surprised by 1) how easily the ideas started flowing once I started (and I had some serious writer's block when I began!) and 2) how personal it got.

How about you? What are some of your deeper secrets?

(The accompanying song in the video is called "Gently" and is from http://www.danosongs.com)

Bits and Pieces

So, it's been nearly 2 months since my last post. A flurry of activity has kept me pretty busy lately, so I thought I'd jot down a bit of a summary of each here.

The House
As you know from my previous post, we bought a house! Escrow closed at the end of April, and we've been busy getting it the way we like. We pulled out all the carpets, put in new carpet in the bedrooms, and laid down laminate flooring in the living and dining rooms. That was an arduous task, as our house is full of odd angles and corners-- so there was a lot of precise measurement and careful cutting.

We got a new big-screen LED TV and that is internet capable, so we're enjoying watching Hulu and Netflix shows on it, in its full HD glory!

I've taken plenty of "before" pictures of the house the day we got the keys from our agent, but I'm waiting for Allan to finish spackling the baseboards before I take the "after" pictures. Plus, I still have to organize my bookshelves and unpack one last box :-)

Nightlife
April was a busy month, karaoke-wise! My friends and I explored all sorts of venues around town, and went at practically the rate of once a week. You know you're going very often when the DJs start recognizing you and even remember your name! I've got another post coming on karaoke DJs, but I'll save that for later. Suffice it to say that we've been having a great time, and that I've decided that (for me, anyway), drinking and karaoke do not go together! I look forward to more frequent trips this summer :-)

Now that summer vacation has begun (i.e. Todd is in LA with my parents), Allan and I have started exploring some of the places around SB to eat and hang out. We've found the Bak Dor, which is a nice little dive bar with an awesome jukebox selection and friendly regulars. We've also tried out the Alcazar Tapas Bar, which is expensive-- but all the tapas places in SB are.

My goals for the summer are two-fold: hit every venue that offers karaoke (every single night of the week, 7 days, there are at least 2 venues doing karaoke) and explore some of the lesser-known bars around town. Looking at my list, we've actually hit about half of the available karaoke venues, and already favorites are forming ;-)

Drive-In
We got to take Todd to the drive-in theater for the very first time! Rio was playing one week, and we decided to catch it one Saturday. We packed snacks and blankets and headed down to the drive-in. What a blast! I really enjoyed being able to put up my feet on the dashboard and relax, and it was great to allow Todd to bounce around and laugh and make noise in the back seat without fear of bothering other patrons. Little kids have to let loose all that energy, right?

My only gripe was with the inconsiderate SUV drivers in the row in front of us-- almost all of them left their back doors open so they could sit outside behind their vehicles and watch the movie. This, of course, meant that the bottom part of the screen was blocked from view. Now that we're familiar with the layout, we know to park in the front row this time.

School
Todd's school let out for the summer early. It wound up closing, which is a bummer, but I guess we'd been expecting it. The economy has hit many people hard, and private schools (especially smaller ones like Todd's) are no exception. We're hopeful that they succeed in opening a preschool, which should provide some good revenue for re-opening the school in a year or two. In the meantime, we're on the hunt for another school for Todd to begin in the fall.

That about sums up the past couple of months. Busy with the house, busy with family, busy with friends. Aside from the house-- it's business as usual, basically :-) And what have you been up to, dear readers?

Why me, God?

Today's "One Big Happy" cartoon really seemed to fit in well with the season of thanksgiving and being grateful for what you have. Insane Black Friday (weekend) crowds notwithstanding, of course ;-)

Here's little Ruthie spouting off another of her funny "the things kids say!" type of nuggets that makes the comic endearing:



Really makes you think, doesn't it? Too often people turn to God only when things are going wrong with their lives. Sometimes they seek his help because they have nowhere else to turn. Sometimes they realize they can't get comfort through anything else in this material world. And sometimes they simply lash out in anger, cursing God or blaming him for the troubles in their lives. No matter the reaction, it seems like they only think of him when they need something. Frankly, sometimes it takes a catastrophic event to turn an otherwise stoic's heart toward God to gain a little perspective.

Much rarer, however, is turning to God with a grateful heart the rest of the time. Taking inventory of your life and, as Ruthie does in the comic above, realizing how fortunate you are compared to a lot of other people in this world. And thanking God when things go *well* with your life-- not just when you achieve a big milestone (such as passing an important exam, or getting a much-coveted job, or finding out you're pregnant when you've been trying for years), but when things are otherwise humming along smoothly in your life.

The Thanksgiving holiday is, these days, often a time for people to reflect on what they have to be thankful for. I will fully admit that most days, I don't really stop to think about all that's going well for me, because I just take it for granted. The Thanksgiving-themed list I outlined earlier this week contains a lot of things that are just part of my day-to-day existence, and therefore easy to simply take for granted.

How much more perspective we would gain on our lives, the next time we're commiserating about little things, if we would just pause and think about our life the way Ruthie does. And then, when we're asking "Why me, God?" it's not with a tone of anguish, but with a tone of reverence and awe.

Why me, God? Why me, indeed...

Accents

Accents are a fascinating thing. They are most apparent when non-native speakers learn a new language. Not having grown up with the nuances of pronunciation, their way of pronouncing things is inevitably different from that of native speakers.

More fascinating are the regional differences within one single country with one main language. Like the United States and its variations of English pronunciation according to various native residents' accents.

Then there is me. Like most Asian kids of my generation, our parents were born and raised in an Asian country, and we grew up in the US (whether we were born here or immigrated here at a very young age). As a result, households are often a mish-mash of accents, with the parents speaking accented English and the kids speaking perfect American English. I'm sure that's true of all immigrant families, not just Asians.

When I was about 8 years old, my school held a speech contest. My mother and I worked on my speech, and I spent countless hours practicing its delivery. I distinctly remember my mom emphasizing my pronunciation (and enunciation) during our practice sessions. Even though she herself couldn't speak with an American accent, she could detect it and note when something didn't sound right. Consequently, I adopted an American accent and since then, I've had 2 accents: the one I share with my parents, and the American one for everyone else. A bit of an oddity, to be sure, but I bounce between the two "worlds" with relative ease.

Here's where it gets interesting. This past summer, my cousin, his wife and their daughter (same age as Todd) came to visit us. Allan, Todd and I rented a van and took them to some of the sights like Sea World and Universal Studios. We had a great time, and they enjoyed meeting Todd and Allan (I had already met them 2 years earlier, when we went to Indonesia). After they returned home, my mom, somewhat amused, relayed something they had told her: they had an easier time understanding Allan than they did me! My mom even agreed with their assessment, telling me that she'd always noticed that I seemed to roll my "R"s more heavily than most Americans-- something she has mentioned occasionally before. I was puzzled, because I couldn't detect anything unusual with my own accent. And probably most Americans wouldn't either, but I guess to people for whom English is not their native language, it's more readily apparent.

Until now. What's changed now? Todd started talking more and more. Listening to him, I realized that he rolled his "R"s more strongly than most Americans. Clearly he picked that up from me. I now understood what my mom was talking about.

So I started wondering why I spoke the way I did. And I think it's a byproduct of my tongue overcompensating for not speaking with my parents' accent in public. I liken it to deep cuts-- when your body heals and generates new skin, it overcompensates and creates more skin than originally was there. And so, in an effort to "correct" my accent, I overcorrected. It makes even more sense when you think of it in the context of what makes my American accent distinct (and difficult for foreigners to follow, apparently): the "R". Asians are notorious for being unable to pronounce this letter. My parents less so because their native language does contain an "R" sound, but it's flatter. It's less trilling than the German "R" sound, and less rolling than the American "R" sound. So perhaps one of the ways I changed my accent was to attack the way I rolled my tongue to make the right "R" sound... only between German and English, I somehow attacked it with a little too much fervor ;-)

I had never thought of this before-- well, why would I, when I was never aware of what I was doing in the first place? But now I've got a little mimic to mirror the way I've been talking back at me.

Fascinating, isn't it-- the way people adapt and adjust and compensate. Sometimes it's not enough, sometimes it's too much, and sometimes... sometimes it's just right :-)

On Giving Back

'tis the season for people to be charitable and, even in these tough economic times, give back to their communities, whether it be donating money to favorite charities, donating food to the local food banks, or volunteering time with their favorite causes. Something about the season brings charitable good to the forefront of people's minds.

Our company is pretty big on giving back to the community. Every year, they match your donations to non-profit organizations, dollar for dollar, up to $1000 per individual, per year. Every year, each employee gets a free volunteer day, where they can take the day off (without cutting into accrued PTO) to do volunteer work. Earlier this year, we used our volunteer day to participate in Disney's give-a-day, get-a-day program. Not so much volunteering in the true sense of the word, since we did get "paid" with free Disney tickets, but it was fun helping out our church's preschool, running errands and cleaning up. This year, the company gave everyone a second free volunteer day in October, to be used with specified local non-profit organizations.

I wound up volunteering for Life Chronicles, an organization that makes video recordings of people wishing to leave their loved ones a last message. The service is employed not only by the terminally ill, but by the elderly who wish to document their memories, or soldiers who are about to be deployed to a war zone and aren't sure if they'll return, or mothers who give their babies up for adoption, leaving a message for the child to view when he/she grows up. I gathered with a group of co-workers in one of our conference rooms, and we set about transcribing DVDs.

Let me tell you-- transcription is hard work! I'm not exactly the world's slowest typist, but often times I had to repeatedly rewind the DVD to try to understand something that wasn't spoken clearly (names of people/places were the worst!). I had to pause to create sections with timestamps, as individual, topical sections do not become apparent until after you've heard/read everything. I managed to get through 2 DVDs during the day.

The first DVD was of an elderly lady with Parkinson's, recounting memories of her childhood, growing up on the farm, and raising her daughter (who also has Parkinson's). There were some funny moments, and it was largely autobiographical in nature.
The second DVD was of a woman who was battling cancer and did not face a good prognosis. She wanted to leave behind some nuggets of wisdom to her children, grandchildren, siblings and nieces/nephews. Some were basic: stay in school, stay away from drugs, get a good job and be independent (mostly for her baby granddaughter). Some touched more poignantly on her current situation: this family is prone to cancer, get yourself checked out early and often! Some were insights borne of years of experience: don't waste energy holding onto grudges, focus that energy on something more positive instead. It made you realize that when you're facing the end of your life very soon, the really important things become clear. It is sad that it takes a lifetime for many people to realize that, and I hope that she made an impact on her family long after she departed this earth.

I worked steadily for 5 hours, transcribing the two 1-hour-long DVDs. By the end of it, my shoulders were aching, my eyes were watering and crossed, and my ears yearned for fresh air after being oppressed by headphones for so long. But in another way, I felt good. It felt good to contribute in some small way to a larger project, a project that is important to a lot of people, a project that leaves behind a loving and lasting legacy for many loved ones.

I hope to instill this sense of helping and volunteerism in Todd. Perhaps one day, when he's older, we can go as a family to DAWG (Santa Barbara's local dog shelter) and volunteer from time to time there. I live too far away from any coastal areas that serve my biggest animal love, sea turtles, but I happily donate to the organizations that do help the turtles. Todd has already developed a love of animals. Let's see if we can turn this compassion into some good for the community :-)

Coffins from Costco, or Postmortem Bling?

A friend posted on FB about an interesting find he came across while browsing the costco.com website: a "funeral" section, stocked with coffins and other funeral-related essentials. How about that! When Costco aims to be a one-stop shopping place, with its gas stations and fast food and electronics in addition to food and household items, they're really rounding things out with funeral accessories! I'm not sure how Costco's prices stack up against normal "retail" prices of caskets at your average funeral home, but I guess if you really find yourself in the market for one, and if a comparable coffin goes for price difference of at least $50, then it's worth a year's membership just for the casket ;-)

Of course, Costco sells traditional, run-of-the-mill funeral items: caskets, urns, flower stands. Stuff you'd typically find at your local mortuary. But that's assuming that you're going to choose traditional burial or cremation for yourself or for your loved one. But what if you don't want to go with the norm?

Back in January 2006, I spotted an article in the current issue of Popular Science that dealt with the various alternatives of body disposal (besides cremation and burial) available to the public. One environmentally-friendly option is dipping the body into a vat of liquid nitrogen, which essentially freeze-dries it and makes it so brittle that one zap of vibration shatters it into a pile of powder. This powder is then put into a potato-starch box and buried in the ground, where everything disintegrates within a year, returning nutrients to the soil. Pretty eco-conscious, not to mention cost effective (at $1000, about the same cost as cremation, and much less than the $8000 average price tag for conventional funerals and burials). And as they say... ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Very fitting, no?

But wait, it gets better (this is copied verbatim from the article):

LifeGem in Elk Grove Village, Illinois, has perfected a flashier type of after-death alchemy: transforming cremated remains into man-made diamonds. Technicians extract pure carbon from the ashes, then place the carbon into a diamond press that exerts intense heat (about 2200 degrees Fahrenheit) and pressures of up to 50,000 atmospheres for several days. The rough diamond that results-- which will be naturally colored yellow or orange but can, through processing, be made blue with trace amounts of the element boron-- can be faceted and polished just like an ordinary stone. In addition to choosing the color, you can specify the size of your LifeGem, from 0.2 to 1 carat. At $20,000 for a 1-carat blue diamond, though, it's a fair bit more expensive than a typical cremation, which costs around $1000 (small yellow gemstones start at $2700). Total turnaround time: six to nine months.

LifeGems have attracted a devoted following of thousands who prefer their deceased loved ones around their fingers, not underfoot. "The diamonds are tangible, they're beautiful, and they can be handed down", says the company's CFO, Mike Herro. "Family members say we've made their difficult situation a little bit better".

How's that for an icebreaker at a party-- stumped for something to say? Just show off your jewelry and explain how that's Grandma on your finger or Great Aunt Millie around your neck.

And in case you're wondering why I'm quoting an article that's almost 5 years old, it's because I did blog about it on my Grab.com blog back when that issue of the magazine came out. No doubt LifeGem was a fledgling company back then. I looked them up, and it appears that they are still around. Wonder how business is doing. Given the fact that nothing in life is certain but taxes and death, I suppose they'll always have a steady supply of customers, if people are quirky enough to consider it ;-)

Me? I actually like the sound of the more eco-friendly options. If nothing else, it saves money AND space. I always wondered what would happen when cemeteries ran out of room to landscape more burial plots or build more mausoleums.

How about you? What are post-life options would you consider?

We're Just Like You (Only Prettier)

Yesterday I had fun recording Miranda Lambert's "Only Prettier" on Myspace karaoke. I had recently discovered the song while listening to the country stations on XM Radio, fell in love with it, and fell in love with the music video even more. Of course, since Myspace decided to restrict viewing of its videos to members only, and I know not everyone has a Myspace account (anymore), I had to extract the mp3 and post it on my Tumblr. Here it is, if you haven't seen the post already: http://heckledtrio.tumblr.com/post/1553581529

Now, most of my readers, I know, aren't really into country music and probably won't listen to the song. Fair enough. However, the music video is pretty awesome, and I highly encourage you to view it. If you really hate country music that much, just turn the volume all the way down. It's still a fun video to watch:



I loved that the 4 singers-- Miranda, Kellie Pickler, Laura Bell Bundy and Hillary Scott (of Lady Antebellum) played both the pretty-in-pastel, goody-two-shoes characters opposite their alter egos: the sexy, dressed-in-black, rebel bad girls. I thought the video was very well-done (and fun to watch!) in that regard.

But what I loved most about the video was the basic message of the song. It's sung mostly from the point of view of the "bad girls", but it reveals that deep down, these bad girls that society likes to judge and look down upon are really no different from the rest of us. That society judges people by their actions and outward appearances, when it's a person's character that truly matters.

Sound familiar? Martin Luther King Jr's "I Have a Dream" speech, perhaps? Mother Teresa reaching out to the world's poorest and most rejected? Jesus's basic message of extending love and compassion toward your neighbor, no matter who they might be?

At the end of the video, the girls have reached a sort of understanding-- instead of sneering and scoffing at each other, they give each other nods of understanding (if a bit begrudgingly) that they really aren't so different, after all. Not exactly embracing each other, Disney-ending-style, but at least it's a start. And I think that society would do well to begin down that path, too. To stop judging each other. That's God's job, because in the end, the person doing the judging is himself full of flaws and subject to the same judgment he passes on others. To realize that every person has dignity and worth deserves love and respect, not scorn and disdain. To actually treat each other with that love and respect.

It all goes back to my previous blog post on examining actions through the lens of love. Do your actions pass that test?

At the beginning of the video, both sets of girls were guilty of judging each other lovelessly. At the end, they started to see that such action was needless. And that's why I like the video-- it gives me some hope for humanity. Heaven knows we need a lot of it! ;-)

Veterans Day Ruminations

Happy Veterans Day!

It's been 5 years since my military service officially ended, 9 years since I left active duty. Apparently old habits die hard, especially in the years immediately after finishing active duty. Like the time I walked across the UCSB campus with a group of friends, and we had to cross the huge lawn between Physical Sciences South and Physical Sciences North. It felt strange to step on the grass, because for the past several years I'd had it drilled into my head that stepping on the grass on a military installation while in uniform (unless it was a field specifically designed for things like PT and ceremonies) was strictly verboten. Allan, whom I'd just met, cracked up at the notion.

I've lost count of how many times I've used military-only terms (like VTC = Video Teleconference) with Allan, assuming it was a universal term, only to be met with a blank stare. Just the other day, I posted a status that made mention of "rain gear". It was more efficient than "umbrella/rain jacket", and didn't seem out of the ordinary to me until an old ROTC colleague laughed at it with the old "once a soldier..." adage.

I've always been fascinated by different countries'/cultures' takes on the military. Here in the USA, making the military your profession is regarded with great honor and admiration. But in countries like Germany, it's actually looked down upon. Most of the "Why on earth would you choose that?" questions came from our German friends. For them, it's a draft obligation, not a career. I don't know what the British attitude toward its military personnel is, but I do know that they don't live nearly as nicely as we do. Family friends who lived in places where women aren't allowed to serve in the armed forces wondered what my life was like, and when the movie  "G.I. Jane" came out, they all imagined that that was what my experiences were like. Heh, not exactly! When a co-worker went to India to help with our efforts of opening up a new office in Bangalore, he posted a pic of this billboard, which I found fascinating, and made me wonder what India's take on the military-as-a-career is.

I often get asked why I joined the service. Well, it started out as curiosity more than anything. My senior year in high school, I made friends with some of the JROTC cadets, and they kept persuading me to try it out. Since I was about to graduate, I figured I'd give it a spin when I started college. The following year, I enrolled in the UCLA Army ROTC progam, and things just sort of blossomed from there.

I don't know how many of you have read Colin Powell's autobiography, but in it, he says that he felt rather aimless in college, when the cadets in uniform on campus caught his eye. He decided to try it out, and found that it was not only something he enjoyed, but excelled at. Well, it's pretty much the same thing with me. I found it was something I really enjoyed and became good at. But more than that, all that military and leadership training really helped bring me out of my shell.

After finishing my 4 years of ROTC, I received my commission into the U.S. Army Signal Corps, and after a few months of Officer's Basic Course at Ft. Gordon, GA, I spent the remainder of my 4 years of active duty stationed in Mannheim, Germany. (My subsequent 4 years were spent in the IRR-- Individual Ready Reserve). Being in Germany provided me a great opportunity to go back to my birth country and see old family friends, as well as tour the rest of nearby Europe.

One of the reasons I left was because all that uprooting every few years just didn't seem conducive to a stable family life. Unfortunately, I also left around the time I discovered what I truly enjoyed (my last position before finishing active duty was as the Battalion Adjutant (S-1), something akin to HR in the civilian world), and if I had stayed, I would've made the Personnel field my career track. And as much as I hated getting up at ungodly hours for morning PT, I have to admit that I did like the steady routine of the day. And I never had to wonder what I'd wear that day! ;-) So, there are days when I think about going back, and might consider it if I didn't already have a family and a pretty nice, stable life here in SB.

Was it worth it? Yes, definitely so. As I mentioned before, my experiences have really helped bring me out of my shell. I've always been very much an introvert, and still am-- but am more outgoing and sociable because of my military experience. Few jobs require as many in-depth people skills as being a military officer, so it was a very useful learning experience.

The military also possesses a unique culture-- something unparalleled in the civilian world.  The importance of teamwork and effective team-building was brought home to me every single day, since that's a large part of what makes our armed forces so great. The camaraderie and close bonds formed between you and the people in your unit, the immense pride in the work you do, the limitless opportunities for self-development and self-improvement-- all are things you rarely find anywhere else, and things I cherish.

Overall, it was a good experience: I learned so many things and gained so many skills that you just don't get anywhere else, especially in the civilian working world-- at least not until you've worked for many years and moved up the corporate ladder. I enjoyed my time there, even if I didn't like the early-morning hours :-P Plus, I stayed in great shape then! :-D

Meanwhile, hats off to our country's veterans and current servicemembers, for helping to make this country as great as it is!

Things I love (and don't love)

Over 5 years ago, I blogged a list of things I love, in the context of the 5 senses. I thought I'd revisit that list and update it, as well as add a little twist: things I *don't* love.

I love the taste of ripe strawberries, soft-boiled eggs with a sprinkling of salt, peanut butter with Nutella, liverwurst-and-lettuce sandwiches, coffee-flavored ice cream, batter-fried squid, soft, chewy dinner rolls, and crisp bits of tender pork fat that melt in your mouth.

I don't love the taste of ginger, processed coconut, black licorice, beer, black coffee, and most spicy... well, spices.

I love the smell of pages in brand-new books, freshly-brewed coffee, barbecues, freshly-baked bread, and clothes laundered in Tide.

I don't love the smell of vanilla/cocoa butter, most perfumes (because they're too overpowering), vinegar, smoke, and black licorice.

I love the feel of (the outside of) velour clothes, my bed after a long day, baby's soft skin/hair, smooshy pillows, my soft and cuddly stuffed tarantula, and stepping out of the shower onto a freshly-laundered bathmat.

I don't love the feel of clothes tight against my armpits, my unruly hair getting in my face, warm, dry wind, earbuds in my ears, dirty hands (I'm mildly OCD about washing them), jewelry on my hands (especially rings), and not having my neck and shoulders covered by a blanket as I sleep.

I love the sound of the pitter-patter of falling rain while I'm snugly indoors, the bustle of city life, upbeat country music, frogs croaking, my son's giggles, and heels clicking on a hard floor.

I don't love the sound of kids screeching, Santa Ana winds blowing, dogs barking incessantly, Harleys cruising by, and just about anything when I'm trying to sleep ;-)

I love the sight of big city skylines at night, neat and newly-cleaned living spaces, my son's smile, Rottweilers sitting regally, the views of cities from an airplane, and tropical beaches.

I don't love the sight of cluttered spaces, baby drool (not even my own son's), animal abuse, crooked parking jobs, and blatant grammatical errors.


How about you?

"Love Your Neighbor"-- that's all to it

A few weeks ago, our pastor did a sermon on love: the way you love God is to love people. 1 John 4:20-21 best sums it up:

If anyone says "I love God", yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother. (NIV)


It's a pretty straightforward verse, isn't it? And it basically sums up the core of what I believe about Christianity, the core of everything Jesus taught. Moses came down the mountain with 10 commandments, but Jesus reduced it to the most important: Love God (and in doing so, love your neighbor). Everything else follows from there. Seems simple, doesn't it? How on earth this basic message got twisted into the kind of fundamentalist rhetoric we associate modern-day "Christians" with today is baffling.

Allan and I had lunch with our friend Matt today, and wound up having a really interesting conversation on this concept: who are we, as mere, fallible humans, to decide what is and what is not sinful? Even the word "sin" itself carries such negative connotations that we really *shouldn't* be any position to tell anyone whether or not they are sinning. Instead of focusing on that, why not take a different approach when deciding whether an action is right or not? Simply examine it under a lens of love.

Matt gives a great example (which I'm paraphrasing and expanding on):

Is drinking alcohol a sin? By itself? No. But if I'm with a friend who is an alcoholic and susceptible to falling off the wagon if I drink around him, then my taking a drink now becomes an act of selfishness that winds up hurting my friend. That is not love. Or if I drink to excess, damaging my health, I am hurting myself. That is not love. Or if I drink irresponsibly and get behind the wheel, I wind up hurting an innocent pedestrian. That is not love.

This same lens can be applied to just about everything in life, including the current debates (and theme of my last couple of blog posts) about homosexuality.

I believe that any question that is asked (usually in a context of decrying it) of homosexual relationships can also be asked of heterosexual relationships. Just substitute the first few letters, and the issues are identical. If it is harmful and destructive in one, it is harmful and destructive in the other, and so is not love. The gender of the partner you're in a relationship with is irrelevant.

- If I bounced from one unhealthy, meaningless relationship to another, I'm hurting myself (and potentially the other person), regardless of whether it's a man or woman.
- If I had multiple sex partners to fill some sort of empty void in my life, it's destructive behavior whether I'm sleeping with a man or a woman.
- If I cheat on my husband, it's devastating to him regardless of whether my lover was male or female.
- And if I'm in a loving and committed relationship with someone who is my partner in all life endeavors, through thick and thin, in sickness and in health-- that sort of relationship IS healthy and IS about love. Whether it's heterosexual or homosexual.

I'd like to conclude with something Pastor Paul Raushenbush wrote at the end of his book, "Teen Spirit: One World, Many Paths", in answer to a person questioning which religion is "right":

"I stick with my core belief that God is love and that anything that is of love is of God. That's a good test for (people) of different faiths: Does their religion promote love? Hinduism (for example), believes in a supreme God and calls upon all people to revere and love all forms of life. For me, this passes the test."

To me, that's all there really is to it. Does it promote love? Or does it harm someone, whether it's yourself or others, physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually? That is the question.  Everything else just naturally stems from the answer to that question. Love God, love your neighbor. Can't have one without the other.

Passive Discrimination

The title of this post is what started a brief conversation on Facebook between me and an old high school friend, regarding this news article he shared. This post also a bit of a follow-on to yesterday's post, in that it deals with people's attitudes toward those different from them or what they believe to be the norm. In yesteryear it was racism (though it still is an issue today, sadly), today it is discrimination against LGBT people.

There was someone once (I can't remember who) who said something along the lines of how he would rather deal with an overt racist (such as members of the KKK), yelling racial slurs at him, than a covert one. Because with the overt one, he was at least being honest about his feelings, you knew where he stood, and could deal with it accordingly. But what do you make of the covert racists, the people who display a smiling, polite veneer, only to stab you in the back later?

It's an interesting point. There are many people who don't consider themselves racist, or don't consider themselves discriminatory against homosexuals. Yet their actions (or lack thereof) say otherwise. When you turn a blind eye to obvious injustices, when you sit by and do/say nothing in the face of abuses, you are condoning that abuse. You are just as culpable as the bigot dishing it out.

And the worst part of it? As Mark points out: these teenagers (who are naturally vulnerable to begin with) are already receiving hateful messages from the overt abusers. Now bring in the people whom these kids normally look upon with respect-- parents, teachers, pastors, politicians, other influential adults. For these supposedly sane, moderate, polite adults (after all, they don't go yelling epithets or making threats) to sit silently by and do nothing, or worse yet, shrug it off, sends an even more painful message: that the targeted kids don't matter, ARE second-class citizens, and will never be accepted.  That they agree with the bigots' message. And that *they* (the tormented teens) are the ones with the problem.

It's heartbreaking to think that the impact of such an attitude can do much more harm than the verbal sticks and stones hurled by bullies. That people in positions of authority, even though they don't outright verbalize any bigotry, convey that message even more powerfully when they condone it. Do they realize that just because they don't actively, outright SAY or DO anything discriminatory, it doesn't necessarily mean they aren't still BEING discriminatory?

That's passive discrimination. And it's far more insidious, in my opinion, than active discrimination. The people committing the latter can pretty much be dismissed for the lunatics they are, but the former? Such people wield influence and outnumber the latter. And that's scary.

So... think of your kids. Or the kids of someone close to you. Or any other loved one. Or even yourself. Think about what kinds of effects you can have by either acting indifferently to their problems (and thereby siding with the bullies)... or by providing love and support.

If only more people chose love and support...

Won't Somebody Please Think of the Children!?

A friend on Facebook posted a link to this blog, which has apparently been making the internet rounds. Before reading on, have a gander:

http://nerdyapplebottom.com/2010/11/02/my-son-is-gay/

Back yet? Or did you skip the link? If you did-- oh go on, click it!

Too lazy or link-phobic? Fine, here's the synopsis: when the author-- whose 5-year-old son dressed as Daphne from Scooby Doo-- dropped her son off at their Christian preschool, she was met with horrified looks and backward attitudes from some of the so-called Christian mothers. This blog post was her defiant response against ignorant and bigoted attitudes toward people who don't fit the "norm", whatever that may be, and I enjoyed reading it.

I could really relate to the things she was saying. I bristle when my own mother expresses concern about Todd's choice of playthings-- that boys should be playing with trucks or Legos or other "boy-like" things, not cuddling with stuffed animals the way I did (and still do :-D). Todd does indeed favor the stereotypical "masculine" toys, but even if he didn't-- what's the big deal? If my son enjoys building things, I'll buy him toys that exercise that interest. And if he grew up to be the type of boy who wanted to wear makeup, I would teach him how to put it on properly, same as I would a daughter that age. Why all these gender-specific hangups?

When Proposition 8 was on the ballot here in California, I remember having more than one heated discussion (to put it mildly) with my mother about it. I was shocked to learn that my normally rational, critical mom had bought into much of the anti-gay rhetoric fueling support for the passing of Prop 8. Her highlighted point?

Think of Todd.

Ahem.

To which I respond: I AM!

I don't want him to grow up in a world where he could be treated as a second-class citizen because of his sexual orientation. As the recent teen suicides evidence, this world can still be a harsh and ugly place for someone who doesn't fit the majority "norm". And I want to do everything I can to try to make that world a *better* place for my son, not be a part of enacting laws that make it *worse*.

I think most sane, rational people would agree on the patent ridiculousness of the idea that a 5-year-old boy choosing to dress up as a female character for Halloween indicates that he's abnormal or will "become" gay. I think it would be a ridiculous notion even if that boy were 15 or 25 instead of 5. So I applaud that mother for having a sane and healthy attitude toward her son. If only more parents and influential adults treated children with that sort of love, respect, and thoughtfulness, the world would have a whole lot more healthy, happy, well-adjusted kids.

And isn't that a *good* thing to have?