About a year ago, I started jotting down some of the funny, irreverent, and downright dirty things that came up in conversation with Allan. Things that you'd love to Tweet or post on Facebook, but deemed rather inappropriate. So I thought I'd start saving them up privately, and before long, I'd amassed quite a collection. Now's the perfect time to blog it, I figured, so here you are. I'll leave it to your imagination to figure out who said what (aside from the obvious, of course).
MARRIAGE:
- Mutual suspicion-- it's what makes a good marriage work
- The day we stop cussing each other out is the day we know our marriage is in trouble
- Our marriage is successful because it's the product of a failed divorce.
SEX:
- Mental note: zerberts on the penis are good
- (corollary to above) I just gave my husband a blowjob... literally! And he enjoyed it!
- While making out with my husband, I heard a very clear and loud "boink!" (the IM chime on his phone)
- Helly just got shocked by Allan's balls! (static)
- She won't fake an orgasm, but she'll fake a tickle
- Uh-oh, she's closing the blinds. She's either gonna fuck me or kill me.
- (pouty-faced) I thought I was supposed to cum!
- It's not GoToFuck! (on Allan staying in Portland while I'm in SB, and keeping in touch via chat/webcam, plus toys hooked up to each "other")
- (in a resigned tone after finding nothing in the adult store) *sigh* I guess I'll have to buy a double-headed dildo online
- "Ooh, baby! Do me 'till I dangle a participle!" (on sex while blogging-- and yes, for the record, this really works!)
- Note to self: the apricot face scrub is NOT lube!
- They're not speed bags, dammit, they're my testicles!
PERVERSION:
- Allan: "I didn't marry a prude!" Helly: "No. *I* did!"
- My wife's definition of "decorum" is saying "boob sex" instead of "titty fuck". Sigh.
- What are you talking about!? You have your own built-in strapon! (Helly responding to Allan's assertion that she has more experience with strapons than he does)
- Is a JB (possibly acronym for Jitter Buffer) a reverse blowjob? If so, does it mean the woman tries to spit cum back into the man's penis until it goes flaccid?
MISCELLANY:
- You know... fuck being Asian! (on the practice of lugging around tons of souvenirs to bring home when traveling)
- Is word leprosy an STD? (see this post for more on "word leprosy": http://heckledtrio.blogspot.com/2010/01/word-leprosy.html)
- Humans: can't live with 'em... fuck 'em!
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