To Feed or Not To Feed

Did you know that the first week of every August is designated as National (or is it World?) Breastfeeding Awareness Week? I didn't-- until now. Hearing about it brought to mind a few breastfeeding-related topics that really get my goat.

First off, let me be clear that I definitely believe that "breast is best" (if for no other reason than it's more convenient and cost-effective!) and that women should be educated about their choices. What I DON'T believe, however, is that breastfeeding is a one-size-fits-all deal. Some women can't breastfeed. Some women choose not to. And what I don't believe in is shaming them for it. I believe a mother should be supported no matter what her choice.

Secondly, I draw a clear distinction between people who genuinely care about and lovingly support breastfeeding mothers, and those that would vilify any mother who chooses otherwise, guilt-tripping them for not breastfeeding. The latter group has truly earned the "boob Nazi" moniker.

There is an episode of "Law and Order: SVU" in which a new, young mother is brought to trial for the death of her newborn baby, who starved to death because she was unable to nurse him. Why didn't she feed him formula? Because she was so terrorized by the bullying lactation consultant, who convinced her that feeding him formula was the worst thing she could possibly do. Here was this new, young, inexperienced mother who believed the professional who should know better. Instead, the "professional" raged about how vile and awful formula was. Now, no question, breastmilk is superior to formula, but that doesn't make it poisonous! As the prosecutor said: "babies don't starve to death from it!"

I myself had a similar experience when Todd was born. I had incredible difficulty getting Todd to nurse, and the boob Nazi assigned to me was rude and brusque. She did nothing to help me feel better about being unable to nurse my child. She made me feel like it was MY fault, like I wasn't trying hard enough. And though she never outright said anything, I could feel her disapproval when I fed Todd a bottle. Sorry, but I'm not gonna let my baby starve! (as it turned out, I was able to get a supply going by pumping exclusively, so while Todd never nursed, he did drink expressed milk from a bottle for the first 6 months of his life. And while I would've loved to keep it up longer, I'm glad I was able to for that short period of time, and have no regrets about it).

And now, NYC Mayor Bloomberg wants hospitals to lock up formula, keeping track of bottles that are signed out, and forcing new mothers to endure a lecture every time they ask for a bottle. This is just another manifestation of the arrogant, brusque behavior I encountered with the nurse at my hospital. Women are made to feel like they are harming their babies by feeding them formula.

Given that breastfeeding fell out of favor not that long ago, I can understand (and totally support!) efforts to educate and support women in this endeavor.  What I DON'T understand is how treating women like idiots and shaming them into breastfeeding is supposed to encourage anyone to do so. For a myriad of reasons, breastfeeding can be a hard task for many. Most women (like me) who try and fail are already feeling bad that they can't breastfeed their babies, what they need is kindness and compassion and support, not judgment and condescension that only worsens the guilt. And even if formula feeding is a set, conscious choice from the get-go, that is no reason for shaming, either. Contrary to what boob Nazis would have you believe, formula DOES provide adequate nourishment for a growing baby, and as long as baby is healthy and loved, that's all that matters.

Another thing I take issue with are the reasons that boob Nazis give for support of breastfeeding. I will grant that yes, nutritionally and economically, breastmilk beats formula. But when they make formula out to be this evil, deadly potion, I'm really offended. Plenty of people (including me) have been raised exclusively on formula and turned out just fine. The worst part is when they use "statistics" to illustrate how much worse off (physically and mentally) children raised on formula are compared to their breastfed counterparts. Not only is much of this data skewed, misleading or outright false, but it lays needless blame on mothers for not "trying hard enough" to do what's "best" for their child. Unless you've walked a mile in that mother's shoes, you have absolutely NO right to dictate what is best for her and her baby.

Yet another "advantage" that boob Nazis tout about breastfeeding is the close "bonding" between mother and child. I'm sorry, but that is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard. Does this mean fathers can't bond with their babies? What about adoptive parents? Or the mother who had a double mastectomy long before the baby was born? True bonding comes from the act of closely holding, loving, and caring for the child-- and this can take place whether the feeding is done by bottle or by breast.

As you've probably surmised, this is a bit of a touchy topic for me. I understand what it's like to try so hard at doing my best for my baby, only to be made to feel like an inadequate, incompetent mother for not nursing him, for supplementing with formula, for not going longer than 6 months, etc... I have boob Nazi Facebook friends who post statuses and links to articles that they believe are supposed to educate women about the benefits of breastfeeding, but really only serve to guilt-trip those who don't.

Parents make a myriad of choices when it comes to raising their children. Every situation is unique. Everyone has their own individual set of challenges to overcome. So why is what/how they feed their babies anyone's business but their own? Barring outright abuse or neglect, there is no one right or wrong way to do thing. Why, then, are parents being shown anything but support, love and compassion for their choices?