The Pros and Cons of Husbands

"Husbands: can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em!" -- such is a popular refrain punctuating the end of a conversation, argument, or blog post. At least, it is in my household and my realm ;-)

For today's blog post, I decided to try to map out the pros and cons of husbands. An exercise in futility, you say. We all know the cons outweigh the pros. Perhaps, but maybe keeping mindful of the pros will help put the cons into perspective, or at the very least, keep us from strangling our husbands. After all, last time I checked, murder was still a capital offense in this country :-P

First up, the pros:

1. Husbands make good heaters. On cold, chilly days like the ones we've been having lately, nothing is more efficient at warming you up than snuggling with a nice, warm husband under the covers.

2. They make good jar openers. Or tackle any other thing where physical strength is needed (assuming that he happens to be stronger than you).

3. They serve as stepladder substitutes. Much more convenient to have him fetch that item from the top shelf for you! Again, assuming he is taller than you.

What of the cons, then?

1. Snoring. I know women are just as guilty of this, but there is something about most men's snoring that no woman can compete with. It's not just loud, it's deep and rumbling so that even earplugs are useless. My own son doesn't want to sleep in the same room as Daddy because the snoring keeps him up!

2. They're smelly! Sure, wives are no beds of roses themselves, but husbands outshine them in that regard as well. It would take me hours of activity to work up as much sweat as my husband can accumulate in 30 minutes. And when it comes to passing gas? Which we're comfortable doing in front of each other because, well, we're married? Again, there is no comparison. Mr. Stinkbomb wins, hands-down!

3. When you have kids, they could pass along a Y chromosome, resulting in a son who... *drumroll*... is just like his Daddy. 'nuff said.

4. The pièce de résistance: Husbands are constant sources of consternation! My own husband personifies this a thousandfold by cracking lame jokes. By mocking me when he can think of nothing else to say. By purposefully doing things that annoy me (like attempt to tickle me). He picks on me and then "wins" arguments with the unbeatable "well, look who you married" line.

So really... as soon as the little man is grown and out of the house, and as soon as I get my own electric blanket, electric jar opener, and a small, convenient stepladder, hubby had better watch out! ;-)