All Turtles go to Heaven

One of the requirements of this school year is to do 4 book reports, with the books chosen from a list his teacher has provided. Some of the titles are old classics I enjoyed as a child, such as the book he did his first report on, Little House in the Big Woods. But most are new to me, so I've been checking them out of the library and pre-screening them. Some of the choices were from the "Fudge" series by Judy Blume. I figured I would start with the first one, "Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing". The copy I got featured an adorable drawing of a little turtle on the cover, which, of course, won me over:



The story was amusing enough, and if you haven't read it as a child, it's basically told from the point of view of 9-year-old Peter and his (mis)adventures with his lively, rambunctious, naughty little brother, Fudge (age 2), who gets into all sorts of trouble. At the end of the story, Fudge's mishap consists of swallowing Peter's little turtle. Despite this, he suffers no ill effects and crows with happiness and pride at this feat. Hope against all hope, but it takes a couple days for the turtle to pass through Fudge's system, and of course it doesn't come out alive :-( Peter did get a dog to "replace" the turtle, and he named it Turtle, to remember his original pet by. Still, the ending made me sad and frustrated enough to put the book back down on the dining table and decide not to give it to Todd to read for a book report.

Now, on weekend mornings, Todd typically awakens before us, so the night before, I set out things for him-- his breakfast, his robe, some books to read on the couch with a blanket, and instructions on what to do. Today was the same-- except that instead of getting a book from the coffee table by the couch, Todd spied "Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing" as he sat at the dining table, eating. So he picked it up and began to read it. By the time I got out of bed, he was about 2/3 of the way through it. I held my breath and wondered what would happen once he got to the end, knowing how much he loves turtles and how cute he thought the turtle on the cover was (I think that's what caught his attention). Well, here's what transpired:

"Oh, I don't believe it!" he said.

"What?" I inquired.

"I don't believe Fudge swallowed the turtle", he replied, not so much an exclamation as a declaration.

When I asked him why, he elaborated further: "if he really did swallow it, he'd be sad and sick!"

"Who? Fudge or the turtle?" I wanted to clarify.

"Fudge! Fudge would be sad and sick, but he's happy. The turtle would just be... dead!"

Todd said this so matter-of-factly, as if he were presenting simple, hard evidence in front of a court:
If a boy swallowed a turtle, he'd be sick. Fudge is not sick. Ergo, he could not have swallowed the turtle.
I have to admit, it made sense, but that only heightened my sense of dread as he approached the pages that confirmed the outcome.

My dread was for naught, though, because he finished the book, shut it, and told me in that same straightforward manner: "A dog named Turtle! That's cute!" He was even amused at the idea. Slightly encouraged, I asked him if he wanted to use that book for his next book report. He thought for a moment before vetoing the idea. Naturally, I asked why-- was it because he didn't like the story? His reply?

"Oh, I liked the story. But I think the rest of my class will cry".

Awww. I haven't decided if he really does think it will make others sad, or if that's just his way of projecting his own feelings about the story without having to admit that it made HIM sad. Either way... time to find another book for the next book report!