Oral Communication

If you'll remember my post introducing the "month of sex" and soliciting idea, John commented with in idea for a topic: oral sex. He even included a funny story of his own, whereby "my mother in law told my wife’s cousin on her wedding day to remember that the mouth can be used for more than kissing/talking" ;-)

My favorite story is a little closer to home-- with my brother-in-law telling his future mother-in-law: "Your daughter likes it in the ear. Every time I try to stick it in her mouth, she turns her head!" Obviously she was unruffled by the comment, as she is now his mother-in-law and has been for many years.

What about you? What funny stories can you share?

While we're on the subject, a comment my friend Scot made on my previous blog entry made me pause and think. He said something to the effect of how only a person with the same equipment as you (i.e. of the same gender) would be able to fully understand how said equipment works/feels, and be able to give you the greatest pleasure (in this case, the best blowjob). Now, on the surface, this may be true, as it's only natural to best understand what you yourself are familiar with/have experience with. This holds true not just for sex, but just about any aspect of your life.

But I think it goes beyond that. If you've trained on the piano all your life, you're naturally going to be better at it than, say, the violin. But that doesn't mean you can't practice just as hard and become equally good on the violin, as well. Now, obviously, it's a little harder for a person to fully empathize with what it's like to possess the "equipment" of the opposite sex. But you can be "trained" in that, can't you? Because the fact is, even though two people of the same gender may possess the same equipment, in reality, no two people are alike. What one woman likes done between her legs is going to be different from what another woman likes. You just can't generalize.

This is where the key comes in: communication. I know it sounds so cliche, but its importance is just as paramount in the bedroom as it is elsewhere in the relationship. My husband may know what works best on his own body, but guess what? It's not so hard to put it into words and convey this information to me. I've learned what to do and what not to do, because we talk about it. We talk about it before sex, during sex or after sex-- there isn't any right or wrong time to discuss it, and it's mutually beneficial. I get to learn what works for my husband, and he gets to enjoy himself fully without wasting time/effort with me doing things that might not be pleasurable for him. The same goes the other way, too. Communication.

Some may view it as an ego thing-- they either don't like being told what to do (or being told that what they are doing doesn't feel good), or they're afraid of hurting the other person's feelings by saying "don't do that, try this". But again, communication in the bedroom is no different from communication outside it. If you're in a committed relationship, you're going to have to get over your trepidation of being honest with your partner (no matter what the topic, be it sex, money, family, etc), and just... open up! And if you don't tell your partner what you do/don't like, how are they ever going to know? How will they ever be able to give you the pleasure they want to?

Which brings me to another topic. They say it's better to give than to receive. I can personally vouch for that. A lot of women have hangups, to one degree or another, about oral sex. When it comes to giving, they don't really like to do it, or they think it's dirty, or maybe they don't actually mind but just see it as some chore they have to get out of the way before proceeding with intercourse. To those women, I gotta say-- you're missing out on a whole lot! Taking the right attitude and taking the time to get to know your man and what he likes will empower you and give you unexpected pleasure. There's nothing quite like working magic with your lips and tongue, tailored to your man's specific likes. It's such a turn on-- an not just for him. I can't imagine why it wouldn't be a turn-on to *give* someone pleasure. It's just as good as receiving it. I believe this holds true on the flip side, as well-- male readers, I'd love to hear from you! Which means that for women: just as it's important to communicate with your man and learn what he likes, it's important to likewise communicate your own likes and desires to him. No point lying there waiting and hoping his fingers/tongue will just happen to hit the right spots-- show him what those right spots are! I'm sure he'd appreciate the feedback, and derive just as much pleasure in pleasing you as you do receiving it. After all, he's not a mind-reader. History has, after all, proven that ;-)

I think I'll get off my soapbox now :-) I guess my bottom line is that being able and willing to freely communicate how exactly your body works to your partner is very important. And that giving pleasure, with genuine enthusiasm and passion, can be quite the turn on, even if you're not touching yourself simultaneously. It basically goes back to those "psychological factors" that Scot and I discussed on my previous blog post. Guess that just further proves that the brain is indeed the most powerful sex organ!