We're Just Like You (Only Prettier)

Yesterday I had fun recording Miranda Lambert's "Only Prettier" on Myspace karaoke. I had recently discovered the song while listening to the country stations on XM Radio, fell in love with it, and fell in love with the music video even more. Of course, since Myspace decided to restrict viewing of its videos to members only, and I know not everyone has a Myspace account (anymore), I had to extract the mp3 and post it on my Tumblr. Here it is, if you haven't seen the post already: http://heckledtrio.tumblr.com/post/1553581529

Now, most of my readers, I know, aren't really into country music and probably won't listen to the song. Fair enough. However, the music video is pretty awesome, and I highly encourage you to view it. If you really hate country music that much, just turn the volume all the way down. It's still a fun video to watch:



I loved that the 4 singers-- Miranda, Kellie Pickler, Laura Bell Bundy and Hillary Scott (of Lady Antebellum) played both the pretty-in-pastel, goody-two-shoes characters opposite their alter egos: the sexy, dressed-in-black, rebel bad girls. I thought the video was very well-done (and fun to watch!) in that regard.

But what I loved most about the video was the basic message of the song. It's sung mostly from the point of view of the "bad girls", but it reveals that deep down, these bad girls that society likes to judge and look down upon are really no different from the rest of us. That society judges people by their actions and outward appearances, when it's a person's character that truly matters.

Sound familiar? Martin Luther King Jr's "I Have a Dream" speech, perhaps? Mother Teresa reaching out to the world's poorest and most rejected? Jesus's basic message of extending love and compassion toward your neighbor, no matter who they might be?

At the end of the video, the girls have reached a sort of understanding-- instead of sneering and scoffing at each other, they give each other nods of understanding (if a bit begrudgingly) that they really aren't so different, after all. Not exactly embracing each other, Disney-ending-style, but at least it's a start. And I think that society would do well to begin down that path, too. To stop judging each other. That's God's job, because in the end, the person doing the judging is himself full of flaws and subject to the same judgment he passes on others. To realize that every person has dignity and worth deserves love and respect, not scorn and disdain. To actually treat each other with that love and respect.

It all goes back to my previous blog post on examining actions through the lens of love. Do your actions pass that test?

At the beginning of the video, both sets of girls were guilty of judging each other lovelessly. At the end, they started to see that such action was needless. And that's why I like the video-- it gives me some hope for humanity. Heaven knows we need a lot of it! ;-)

Website Woes

You know, it always sucks when a site that you're a member of suddenly changes things and actually takes away features. I know that when we make changes to our software, we're cognizant of the fact that a feature that many people may not like are actually appreciated by a small handful, and if we're going to remove it, we should at least make it optional. Same goes with things on Facebook-- features that I'm sure very few people use but that I've come to rely on, are suddenly gone. And it's annoying. And frustrating. Especially when things are already buggy and now I no longer have a fallback fix (i.e. manually refreshing the RSS feed for Notes when it doesn't do so automatically). But hey-- it's free, I don't pay for it, it works for the most part, so I don't have much in the way of complaints.

But when it's something I DO pay for, then I'm going to be a little more picky about it :-P

I'm a little disappointed with Myspace karaoke these days-- the new layout is extremely buggy (of course, that is nothing new for Myspace) and now they have it set so you can't even VIEW member recordings unless you're signed in. I can understand restricting the ability to rate/comment to members only, but simply VIEWING it? That's ridiculous. So now I'm contemplating Singsnap. I've got a free account there, but lately it means nothing because they've been moving all their good songs to members-only. Plus, it's twice as expensive as Myspace membership (only because I got a great deal on Myspace and snagged a membership when it was on sale, nearly 50% off. And when it came time to renew, they gave me the same discounted price! Props to Myspace for THAT, at least!). On the other hand, they make it easy to embed their video player onto websites, making it easier to share than Myspace recordings.

That, however, raises the question of where I would embed such a video-- on my blog, right? Hah. That opens up another can of worms:

I'm really starting to regret moving from Blogger to Wordpress a year ago. The only things Wordpress had that Blogger didn't were:
1) built-in nested comments
and
2) per-post privacy settings.

However, these days, nested comments aren't really useful anymore because hardly anyone comments on the blog itself, and there are simple ways around the privacy settings. Some other disadvantages: I have to actually PAY to customize the theme to my liking, I can't embed anything but YouTube into my posts, and I can't put in JavaScript anywhere in the page. Blogger allows you to do all that-- for free. Sigh. And now my one-year subscription to the CSS editing capabilities is about to expire. I bought it last year on sale-- Black Friday ;-) I think I'm going to hold off on renewing this year to see if they offer the sale price again after Thanksgiving ;-)

Actually, I think I'm going to first re-examine whether or not I even want to remain on Wordpress.com. I know, I know-- I had really hoped that last year's move to Wordpress would be my final one. Seems like I've packed up and hauled off to different blog forums as often as I've physically moved within Santa Barbara. Feels rather flighty, and really-- needs and priorities change, as do the different sites and what they offer. Maybe I should consider registering and hosting a domain name of my own, that way I can change the underlying blog app whenever I feel like it. Hmm, something to think about.

Decisions, decision... any input from you, dear readers?

Veterans Day Ruminations

Happy Veterans Day!

It's been 5 years since my military service officially ended, 9 years since I left active duty. Apparently old habits die hard, especially in the years immediately after finishing active duty. Like the time I walked across the UCSB campus with a group of friends, and we had to cross the huge lawn between Physical Sciences South and Physical Sciences North. It felt strange to step on the grass, because for the past several years I'd had it drilled into my head that stepping on the grass on a military installation while in uniform (unless it was a field specifically designed for things like PT and ceremonies) was strictly verboten. Allan, whom I'd just met, cracked up at the notion.

I've lost count of how many times I've used military-only terms (like VTC = Video Teleconference) with Allan, assuming it was a universal term, only to be met with a blank stare. Just the other day, I posted a status that made mention of "rain gear". It was more efficient than "umbrella/rain jacket", and didn't seem out of the ordinary to me until an old ROTC colleague laughed at it with the old "once a soldier..." adage.

I've always been fascinated by different countries'/cultures' takes on the military. Here in the USA, making the military your profession is regarded with great honor and admiration. But in countries like Germany, it's actually looked down upon. Most of the "Why on earth would you choose that?" questions came from our German friends. For them, it's a draft obligation, not a career. I don't know what the British attitude toward its military personnel is, but I do know that they don't live nearly as nicely as we do. Family friends who lived in places where women aren't allowed to serve in the armed forces wondered what my life was like, and when the movie  "G.I. Jane" came out, they all imagined that that was what my experiences were like. Heh, not exactly! When a co-worker went to India to help with our efforts of opening up a new office in Bangalore, he posted a pic of this billboard, which I found fascinating, and made me wonder what India's take on the military-as-a-career is.

I often get asked why I joined the service. Well, it started out as curiosity more than anything. My senior year in high school, I made friends with some of the JROTC cadets, and they kept persuading me to try it out. Since I was about to graduate, I figured I'd give it a spin when I started college. The following year, I enrolled in the UCLA Army ROTC progam, and things just sort of blossomed from there.

I don't know how many of you have read Colin Powell's autobiography, but in it, he says that he felt rather aimless in college, when the cadets in uniform on campus caught his eye. He decided to try it out, and found that it was not only something he enjoyed, but excelled at. Well, it's pretty much the same thing with me. I found it was something I really enjoyed and became good at. But more than that, all that military and leadership training really helped bring me out of my shell.

After finishing my 4 years of ROTC, I received my commission into the U.S. Army Signal Corps, and after a few months of Officer's Basic Course at Ft. Gordon, GA, I spent the remainder of my 4 years of active duty stationed in Mannheim, Germany. (My subsequent 4 years were spent in the IRR-- Individual Ready Reserve). Being in Germany provided me a great opportunity to go back to my birth country and see old family friends, as well as tour the rest of nearby Europe.

One of the reasons I left was because all that uprooting every few years just didn't seem conducive to a stable family life. Unfortunately, I also left around the time I discovered what I truly enjoyed (my last position before finishing active duty was as the Battalion Adjutant (S-1), something akin to HR in the civilian world), and if I had stayed, I would've made the Personnel field my career track. And as much as I hated getting up at ungodly hours for morning PT, I have to admit that I did like the steady routine of the day. And I never had to wonder what I'd wear that day! ;-) So, there are days when I think about going back, and might consider it if I didn't already have a family and a pretty nice, stable life here in SB.

Was it worth it? Yes, definitely so. As I mentioned before, my experiences have really helped bring me out of my shell. I've always been very much an introvert, and still am-- but am more outgoing and sociable because of my military experience. Few jobs require as many in-depth people skills as being a military officer, so it was a very useful learning experience.

The military also possesses a unique culture-- something unparalleled in the civilian world.  The importance of teamwork and effective team-building was brought home to me every single day, since that's a large part of what makes our armed forces so great. The camaraderie and close bonds formed between you and the people in your unit, the immense pride in the work you do, the limitless opportunities for self-development and self-improvement-- all are things you rarely find anywhere else, and things I cherish.

Overall, it was a good experience: I learned so many things and gained so many skills that you just don't get anywhere else, especially in the civilian working world-- at least not until you've worked for many years and moved up the corporate ladder. I enjoyed my time there, even if I didn't like the early-morning hours :-P Plus, I stayed in great shape then! :-D

Meanwhile, hats off to our country's veterans and current servicemembers, for helping to make this country as great as it is!

Candy

This post is partly inspired by a recent Plinky.com prompt, and partly by a recent shopping trip this weekend. Nothing fancy– just the usual errands, and a quest to find 1) white non-sheer knee-high socks and 2) hair shears. I’ve got my costume for next Halloween all planned out, and need white knee socks to complete the outfit. I also tried my hand at trimming my split ends this past week, and while that endeavor actually went pretty well, I noticed that my current hair shears are no longer as sharp as they used to be. I tell ya, though– it’s HARD to find white knee socks and hair shears in this town! I must’ve hit every drugstore between our place and the local K-Mart, to no avail! Gonna try my luck at Wal-Mart this weekend, while I’m down in LA for little man’s dental appointment. Wish me luck!

Anyway… that was a tangent. While at CVS, I came upon the bins of post-Halloween candy for sale. I grabbed up Twizzlers, Tootsie Rolls, Now & Laters and a 25-cent bag of candy corn. 4 decent sized bags of candy for under $3? Yes, please! :-D As I surveyed the mass of candy now in the house (keeping in mind that we still had leftovers from our own trick-or-treat giveaway stash, plus candy that was there even before Halloween), I started thinking about all my favorite candies and how I liked each one, and was surprised at how many of them I actually prefer STALE:

– Gummi Bears. This is one of the rare times when I’m a brand whore (anyone that knows me knows that I readily eschew brand names for store/generic brands in a heartbeat when it’s cost-effective).  Haribo gummi bears simply cannot be beat. They’re okay fresh, but leave the bag open for a day or two and allow the bears to develop a chewy outer coat, and YUM.

– Red Vines. I prefer these to Twizzlers, but I can deal with Twizzlers on a bite-sized (i.e. Halloween fun-size packets!) basis. Either way, nothing beats the taste of a chewy, slightly stretchy piece of strawberry-flavored licorice that has been sitting out for a day or two.

– Marshmallows. I like my french fries with a crispy outer shell and a soft, mealy inside. Same goes for marshmallows– a perfect marshmallow for me is slightly hardened and chewy on the outside and soft and gooey on the inside. And bite-sized, not jumbo!

– Tootsie Rolls. I don’t know about you, but fresh Tootsie Rolls always seem to stick to my teeth far worse than stale ones. Does that happen to anyone else?

Then there are the rest of the favorites that my sweeth tooth gravitates toward, such as:

– Smarties (aka Rockets in Canada, Fizzers in the UK). I don’t know why, but I’m a sucker for pastel-colored, chalk-like candy. The kind that crumbles into a powder in your mouth like… well, chalk!

– Candy Corn. I like eating them in an orderly fashion– first the big yellow bottom, then the orange center, and finally, saving the best for last, the white tip.

-- LifeSavers Mints, particularly the Wint-o-Green (spearmint) flavor. Peppermint seems to strong for me, but spearmint possesses that perfect blend of sharp mintiness and sweetness. A couple times a year, I buy the big 3 or 5-pound bags of them at Wal-Mart, and keep them in my desk drawer at work :-D

And now that I have finished writing this post, I think I shall mosey into the kitchen and find some candy to nosh on :-)

How about you? What are some of your favorites?

Does This Make Me Look Fat?

That is one of those trick "female" questions that never fails to confound men... or me.

Three things come to mind:

1. If you are asking this question honestly, then expect an honest answer. If you're just trying to fish for compliments, the you've got bigger issues than your dress size or perceived weight issues. And if you're just seeking some reassurance (as we're all wont to do sometimes), then make that clear, don't put your man on the spot with a loaded question!

2. Just because your man says "yes" to the question, does NOT mean that he's calling you a fat whale and telling you to lose weight (unless he says so explicitly, in which case, again, you've got bigger issues at hand). He's simply saying that this PARTICULAR outfit is not exactly flattering to you. The same can go for a variety of factors-- for example, just because the color of a sweater is wrong for your complexion, doesn't mean you're pale or sallow, it just means that you should wear a different color! Stop reading things into a very specific question about a specific outfit.

3. Related to the "honesty" thing above: lets say that you are indeed wearing an outfit that looks unflattering on you. Maybe the color is wrong for you. Maybe it has a plunging neckline and you don't have the cleavage to support it. Maybe it accentuates the bit of tummy roll from you last baby, instead of hiding it. Maybe you've done up your hair in a way that makes you look like a freak. Maybe your makeup is a little too strong or colorful. Would you rather have your man lie to you to spare your oh-so-fragile ego, and allow you to go out in PUBLIC, dressed like a fool? I don't know about you, but I'd much rather have my husband give my clothes (and combinations of them) a truthfully critical eye, thereby saving me the embarrassment of going outside wearing things that look blatantly awful on me!

I don't understand why this has to be such a contentious issue. While I concede that there are tactful ways to answer "yes" to the "does it make me look fat?" question, the bottom line is that if you ask the question, expect an honest answer. And if you don't want to hear the truth, don't ask the question! Simple as that.

Boy, am I glad I don't have to put up with women, at least not in the sense of long-term relationships :-P

Things I love (and don't love)

Over 5 years ago, I blogged a list of things I love, in the context of the 5 senses. I thought I'd revisit that list and update it, as well as add a little twist: things I *don't* love.

I love the taste of ripe strawberries, soft-boiled eggs with a sprinkling of salt, peanut butter with Nutella, liverwurst-and-lettuce sandwiches, coffee-flavored ice cream, batter-fried squid, soft, chewy dinner rolls, and crisp bits of tender pork fat that melt in your mouth.

I don't love the taste of ginger, processed coconut, black licorice, beer, black coffee, and most spicy... well, spices.

I love the smell of pages in brand-new books, freshly-brewed coffee, barbecues, freshly-baked bread, and clothes laundered in Tide.

I don't love the smell of vanilla/cocoa butter, most perfumes (because they're too overpowering), vinegar, smoke, and black licorice.

I love the feel of (the outside of) velour clothes, my bed after a long day, baby's soft skin/hair, smooshy pillows, my soft and cuddly stuffed tarantula, and stepping out of the shower onto a freshly-laundered bathmat.

I don't love the feel of clothes tight against my armpits, my unruly hair getting in my face, warm, dry wind, earbuds in my ears, dirty hands (I'm mildly OCD about washing them), jewelry on my hands (especially rings), and not having my neck and shoulders covered by a blanket as I sleep.

I love the sound of the pitter-patter of falling rain while I'm snugly indoors, the bustle of city life, upbeat country music, frogs croaking, my son's giggles, and heels clicking on a hard floor.

I don't love the sound of kids screeching, Santa Ana winds blowing, dogs barking incessantly, Harleys cruising by, and just about anything when I'm trying to sleep ;-)

I love the sight of big city skylines at night, neat and newly-cleaned living spaces, my son's smile, Rottweilers sitting regally, the views of cities from an airplane, and tropical beaches.

I don't love the sight of cluttered spaces, baby drool (not even my own son's), animal abuse, crooked parking jobs, and blatant grammatical errors.


How about you?

Vinegar for your hair

About 3 months ago, Tabitha and I had a conversation on IM about using vinegar as a hair rinse. She shared this link with me: http://simplemom.net/how-to-clean-your-hair-without-shampoo/, and I proceeded to spend the next hour or so reading through all the comments, because they were the most valuable for giving feedback and advice from personal experience.

I perused other websites that included articles on using baking soda to wash the hair, and vinegar to condition it. I have to admit, I was intrigued. I read a lot of different websites about using no (or less) shampoo, and discovered that people used a variety of combinations to achieve this. On one end were people who used baking soda and vinegar. The people in between used either baking soda + normal conditioner or normal shampoo + vinegar. On the other end were those who still used shampoo and conditioner, but much more sparingly than they did before.

No matter the combination, I learned that all of them are based on one principle: washing your hair too frequently dries the hair out too much, causing the scalp to go into overdrive in producing oils to combat the dryness. Ironic, isn't it-- the more you wash your hair, the oilier it gets. I read about women whose scalps went through an "adjustment" period of dealing with greasiness as they got accustomed to not shampooing everyday anymore. I myself didn't go through such a phase, because I was already washing my hair relatively infrequently. I did, however, notice that once I started using conditioning shampoos and heavier conditioners (about a year ago), I had to wash my hair more frequently. Whereas I used to last 4 days between shampoos, now I was only lasting 3 days. Still, compared to everyday washers, it wasn't so bad.

So! I decided to take the plunge. I bought regular vinegar instead of apple cider vinegar because I'd read it was more conditioning, and for my thick, coarse hair, that sounded great. I mixed a tablespoon of baking soda with 8 oz of water for my "shampoo" and a tablespoon of vinegar with 8 oz of water for my "conditioner". Since I'd read somewhere that the key to someone's problem was her hard water, and since SB has hard water, I made sure to boil it so that it would dissolve all the baking soda.

My first shampoo and conditioning went pretty well. I was surprised at how much I could feel the vinegar smoothing my cuticles, once I applied it all over my hair. My initial fear of hair smelling like vinegar vanished when I rinsed the vinegar out. The smell disappeared almost the instant the water hit my hair. And the end results? Well, my hair was clean. And it was soft and smooth. Now, keep in mind that I'd been using Pantene regularly for the past few months, which had done a lot for smoothing my hair. I was curious to see what would happen once the baking soda and vinegar stripped all those silicones out of my hair. After a few weeks of baking soda + vinegar, my hair was still the same smoothness and shininess as before. It wasn't any MORE smooth/shiny, but not any less, either. Which meant that it worked about as well as Pantene... at a fraction of the cost! All right! :-)

After a while, I switched it up. Mostly because I was still swimming regularly by this point (I started this experiment during the summer) and wasn't sure if the baking soda and vinegar would be enough to get rid of all the chlorine. Up to that point, I was regularly using Albert VO5's Clarifying Shampoo and following it with Pantene shampoo and conditioner. Now I decided to still use the clarifying shampoo, but condition with the vinegar rinse. That seemed to work pretty well, too. So I stopped using the baking soda and I started to shampoo with the VO5 and condition with vinegar.

The key here, I think, is the amount I was using. When I used to wash my hair before, I'd have to wash it about 3 times in one go: twice with regular, cheap shampoo (to get all the dirt and oil out) and once with the conditioning shampoo. That wasted a lot of shampoo and took a long time in the shower. And of course, you remember what I said above about the effects of over-shampooing? Yeah...
Anyway, now, even though I switched back to using shampoo, there were two key differences:
1. I only shampooed ONCE. Of course, I didn't get as much lather as I used to, but lather doesn't mean clean. It's just an effect of the added chemicals.
2. I only used the clarifying shampoo. Alberto VO5 is my favorite for it. It's cheap and very, very effective.

Once I'd gotten into the new shampooing routine, I discovered something else: I could last longer between shampoos than before. Whereas 3-4 days was my maximum before, now I could go 5 days. Probably even longer, if I didn't go to the gym and sweat :-P

These days, I'm back to my normal conditioner. Mostly because I went through a phase of trying out so many different kinds (most of them in trial size, thank goodness) and want to use them up. But I no longer use the accompanying shampoo. I stick to the basic, cheap VO5 because it cleans really well without leaving buildup or drying my scalp out. And I only shampoo once. It saves me a lot of time in the shower. I take care not to get any conditioner in my scalp, and my hair stays clean and healthy for about 5 days. I could probably even stretch it to 6 days, if I wore my hair in a ponytail on the 6th day.

Basically, I've learned a couple of things:

1. The key to healthy hair is to NOT wash it so often! A couple times a week suffices.
2. Vinegar and baking soda work just as well as expensive shampoos and conditioners, and cost much much less.

So there you have it. Helly's adventures with hair. My year-long experiments with different shampoos and conditioners, in my quest to find the perfect ones for my hair, have boiled down to a few of the most inexpensive options. It saves time, it saves money, and it saves room in our bathroom shelves :-D

Daylight Saving Woes

Just a few random tidbits as I get ready to turn in for the night :-)

Daylight Saving Time ending-- whose bright idea was THAT!? While enjoying an extra hour is nice, it's not worth it for six months of darkness. I mean, seriously-- for the next several months, before you even leave work at 5pm, it's already going to be dark out. That's pretty depressing-- to leave work and have it feel like it's already nighttime. Oh sure-- it's now light out at 5am instead of 6am, but I guarantee you that far more people are awake to enjoy daylight at 5pm than at 5am. So what gives? The days are already shorter as is with the advent of wintertime, so why not leave well enough alone? Add to it the fact that not all states switch between Standard and DST, and you've got some nice confusion going there :-P

******

I tried my hand at trimming my hair tonight. Wasn't a whole lot, just about a half inch to get rid of most of the split ends. I'm not sure I notice a major visible difference in my hair, but at least it still looks pretty even so far. We'll see what happens when I wash my hair tomorrow-- usually after my hair dries is when the difference between the damaged hair and healthy hair is most noticeable. This was the first time I ever trimmed any of my hair besides my bangs. It was a bit of an adventure, trying to make sure I got it all evenly, but I think the whole endeavor was enough of a success that I feel confident about doing so again regularly.

******

Speaking of trimming hair-- Allan is growing out a goatee. When we first met well over 7 years ago, he was already sporting one. He shaved it not long before we got married, and hasn't had facial hair (besides 3-or-4-day-old stubble) since then. We thought it would be fun to experiment and see what he looks like with one again, especially now that he has a lot more gray hair on both his head and in his beard ;-)

******

Why is it so hard to find a nice pair of plain white knee socks? I went to K-mart and Ross today, and came up empty-handed. All K-Mart had were the sheer stocking-type of knee-highs, and all Ross had were knee socks in different colors/patterns, mostly argyle. While they were cute, I'm really set on finding a white pair for my Halloween costume next year. I picked out a costume for myself and for Todd for next year. Gotta love the deep markdowns on holiday merchandise immediately following the holiday. I just hope that Todd doesn't change his mind between now and then :-P

******

All week I've been working with Todd on a poster for his book report on Monday. We got to break out his box of 64 crayons. Is it me or is there nothing quite so delightful as a nice big box of Crayolas? Who can resist the urge to take them out and start coloring? (I did wind up making a picture of my own-- watch for an upcoming Project 365 entry showcasing it) And am I the only one who likes to take out every variation of a particular color and test them out against each other before settling on the perfect shade for a particular coloring need? I tell ya-- I had a field day when it came to helping Todd select browns for the picture of the horses and wagon :-D

******

Well, since DST doesn't warrant a clock fall-back for another couple hours, it'll be too late for me to take advantage of the "extra hour" and have more time to post this before Saturday officially ends, so I'd better wrap it up now. Good night!

"Love Your Neighbor"-- that's all to it

A few weeks ago, our pastor did a sermon on love: the way you love God is to love people. 1 John 4:20-21 best sums it up:

If anyone says "I love God", yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother. (NIV)


It's a pretty straightforward verse, isn't it? And it basically sums up the core of what I believe about Christianity, the core of everything Jesus taught. Moses came down the mountain with 10 commandments, but Jesus reduced it to the most important: Love God (and in doing so, love your neighbor). Everything else follows from there. Seems simple, doesn't it? How on earth this basic message got twisted into the kind of fundamentalist rhetoric we associate modern-day "Christians" with today is baffling.

Allan and I had lunch with our friend Matt today, and wound up having a really interesting conversation on this concept: who are we, as mere, fallible humans, to decide what is and what is not sinful? Even the word "sin" itself carries such negative connotations that we really *shouldn't* be any position to tell anyone whether or not they are sinning. Instead of focusing on that, why not take a different approach when deciding whether an action is right or not? Simply examine it under a lens of love.

Matt gives a great example (which I'm paraphrasing and expanding on):

Is drinking alcohol a sin? By itself? No. But if I'm with a friend who is an alcoholic and susceptible to falling off the wagon if I drink around him, then my taking a drink now becomes an act of selfishness that winds up hurting my friend. That is not love. Or if I drink to excess, damaging my health, I am hurting myself. That is not love. Or if I drink irresponsibly and get behind the wheel, I wind up hurting an innocent pedestrian. That is not love.

This same lens can be applied to just about everything in life, including the current debates (and theme of my last couple of blog posts) about homosexuality.

I believe that any question that is asked (usually in a context of decrying it) of homosexual relationships can also be asked of heterosexual relationships. Just substitute the first few letters, and the issues are identical. If it is harmful and destructive in one, it is harmful and destructive in the other, and so is not love. The gender of the partner you're in a relationship with is irrelevant.

- If I bounced from one unhealthy, meaningless relationship to another, I'm hurting myself (and potentially the other person), regardless of whether it's a man or woman.
- If I had multiple sex partners to fill some sort of empty void in my life, it's destructive behavior whether I'm sleeping with a man or a woman.
- If I cheat on my husband, it's devastating to him regardless of whether my lover was male or female.
- And if I'm in a loving and committed relationship with someone who is my partner in all life endeavors, through thick and thin, in sickness and in health-- that sort of relationship IS healthy and IS about love. Whether it's heterosexual or homosexual.

I'd like to conclude with something Pastor Paul Raushenbush wrote at the end of his book, "Teen Spirit: One World, Many Paths", in answer to a person questioning which religion is "right":

"I stick with my core belief that God is love and that anything that is of love is of God. That's a good test for (people) of different faiths: Does their religion promote love? Hinduism (for example), believes in a supreme God and calls upon all people to revere and love all forms of life. For me, this passes the test."

To me, that's all there really is to it. Does it promote love? Or does it harm someone, whether it's yourself or others, physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually? That is the question.  Everything else just naturally stems from the answer to that question. Love God, love your neighbor. Can't have one without the other.

Passive Discrimination

The title of this post is what started a brief conversation on Facebook between me and an old high school friend, regarding this news article he shared. This post also a bit of a follow-on to yesterday's post, in that it deals with people's attitudes toward those different from them or what they believe to be the norm. In yesteryear it was racism (though it still is an issue today, sadly), today it is discrimination against LGBT people.

There was someone once (I can't remember who) who said something along the lines of how he would rather deal with an overt racist (such as members of the KKK), yelling racial slurs at him, than a covert one. Because with the overt one, he was at least being honest about his feelings, you knew where he stood, and could deal with it accordingly. But what do you make of the covert racists, the people who display a smiling, polite veneer, only to stab you in the back later?

It's an interesting point. There are many people who don't consider themselves racist, or don't consider themselves discriminatory against homosexuals. Yet their actions (or lack thereof) say otherwise. When you turn a blind eye to obvious injustices, when you sit by and do/say nothing in the face of abuses, you are condoning that abuse. You are just as culpable as the bigot dishing it out.

And the worst part of it? As Mark points out: these teenagers (who are naturally vulnerable to begin with) are already receiving hateful messages from the overt abusers. Now bring in the people whom these kids normally look upon with respect-- parents, teachers, pastors, politicians, other influential adults. For these supposedly sane, moderate, polite adults (after all, they don't go yelling epithets or making threats) to sit silently by and do nothing, or worse yet, shrug it off, sends an even more painful message: that the targeted kids don't matter, ARE second-class citizens, and will never be accepted.  That they agree with the bigots' message. And that *they* (the tormented teens) are the ones with the problem.

It's heartbreaking to think that the impact of such an attitude can do much more harm than the verbal sticks and stones hurled by bullies. That people in positions of authority, even though they don't outright verbalize any bigotry, convey that message even more powerfully when they condone it. Do they realize that just because they don't actively, outright SAY or DO anything discriminatory, it doesn't necessarily mean they aren't still BEING discriminatory?

That's passive discrimination. And it's far more insidious, in my opinion, than active discrimination. The people committing the latter can pretty much be dismissed for the lunatics they are, but the former? Such people wield influence and outnumber the latter. And that's scary.

So... think of your kids. Or the kids of someone close to you. Or any other loved one. Or even yourself. Think about what kinds of effects you can have by either acting indifferently to their problems (and thereby siding with the bullies)... or by providing love and support.

If only more people chose love and support...

Won't Somebody Please Think of the Children!?

A friend on Facebook posted a link to this blog, which has apparently been making the internet rounds. Before reading on, have a gander:

http://nerdyapplebottom.com/2010/11/02/my-son-is-gay/

Back yet? Or did you skip the link? If you did-- oh go on, click it!

Too lazy or link-phobic? Fine, here's the synopsis: when the author-- whose 5-year-old son dressed as Daphne from Scooby Doo-- dropped her son off at their Christian preschool, she was met with horrified looks and backward attitudes from some of the so-called Christian mothers. This blog post was her defiant response against ignorant and bigoted attitudes toward people who don't fit the "norm", whatever that may be, and I enjoyed reading it.

I could really relate to the things she was saying. I bristle when my own mother expresses concern about Todd's choice of playthings-- that boys should be playing with trucks or Legos or other "boy-like" things, not cuddling with stuffed animals the way I did (and still do :-D). Todd does indeed favor the stereotypical "masculine" toys, but even if he didn't-- what's the big deal? If my son enjoys building things, I'll buy him toys that exercise that interest. And if he grew up to be the type of boy who wanted to wear makeup, I would teach him how to put it on properly, same as I would a daughter that age. Why all these gender-specific hangups?

When Proposition 8 was on the ballot here in California, I remember having more than one heated discussion (to put it mildly) with my mother about it. I was shocked to learn that my normally rational, critical mom had bought into much of the anti-gay rhetoric fueling support for the passing of Prop 8. Her highlighted point?

Think of Todd.

Ahem.

To which I respond: I AM!

I don't want him to grow up in a world where he could be treated as a second-class citizen because of his sexual orientation. As the recent teen suicides evidence, this world can still be a harsh and ugly place for someone who doesn't fit the majority "norm". And I want to do everything I can to try to make that world a *better* place for my son, not be a part of enacting laws that make it *worse*.

I think most sane, rational people would agree on the patent ridiculousness of the idea that a 5-year-old boy choosing to dress up as a female character for Halloween indicates that he's abnormal or will "become" gay. I think it would be a ridiculous notion even if that boy were 15 or 25 instead of 5. So I applaud that mother for having a sane and healthy attitude toward her son. If only more parents and influential adults treated children with that sort of love, respect, and thoughtfulness, the world would have a whole lot more healthy, happy, well-adjusted kids.

And isn't that a *good* thing to have?

The Crazy Cost of Housing

This past weekend we drove up to Buellton (about 30-40 minutes north) to visit some of our friends from church, who had all moved there around the same time last year. It was a great opportunity to see friends we hadn't seen in a long time, catch up, and get a tour of their houses.

Ah yes-- their lovely, lovely homes.

It's no secret that Santa Barbara is a pretty expensive place to live. We're probably only outdone by a few cities such as San Francisco and New York City. In a way it's understandable-- we live in a pretty nice part of the country, nicer than even SF and NYC. You're never more than a stone's throw away from the beach, and a few miles inland are the mountains. The weather is pretty steady year-round: never too hot, never too cold. Even its public schools are pretty good compared to other districts.

The downside to it is the fact that it IS a relatively small city. For someone who grew up in metropolitan LA, a population of 90K is small. There is no Wal-Mart. No Target. No JC Penney. No big-chain dollar stores. No discount supermarkets. For that we have to travel 40 miles north to Lompoc or 40 miles south to Ventura.

Still, it's a beautiful place to live, and it's easy to see why so many people come up here with the sole intention of studying at UCSB... only to wind up staying here longer (as evidenced by the numerous UCSB license plate frames around).

Makes you wonder, though, how anyone can afford it. Which brings me back to my friends in Buellton. Let's do a little comparison.

Here, $450,000 will get you one of the following:
1) An 1800sf, 3BR/2BA manufactured home in a mobile home park. No garage, just a carport.
2) A 1200sf, 2BR/2BA condo sandwiched between other condos, both on the sides and above or below you. No garage, just covered assigned parking. No different from apartment living, really.
3) An 1100sf, 2BR/1BA duplex home in a PUD. 1-car attached garage and driveway space.
4) A standalone 900sf 1BR/1BA cottage in need of a *lot* of TLC. If there is a garage, it only holds one car and is detached.

But in Buellton? More along the lines of a 2000+ sf single-family home in excellent condition, with a 3-car attached garage.

Crazy, isn't it, how much more your dollar will get you in 2 different cities just 30 miles apart? Crazier still, that Santa Barbara is NOT the most expensive place to live in the US. I don't even want to imagine home prices in the more expensive cities.

So I can definitely see why our friends uprooted. And their 30-40 minute drive into work every day at least entails a wonderfully scenic route with the oceans stretching as far as the eye can see on one side, and the mountains rising majestically on the other side.

Still, I've had my fill of long commutes. UCLA is not that far away from my parents' home, but with legendary rush hour traffic along the 405, they often turned into hour-long, grueling commutes while I attended there. When I worked at Amgen, I drove at least 45 minutes each way from their house to Thousand Oaks. Thank goodness that at least there was no traffic during the times I worked (10am to 7pm). Let's face it-- I've gotten rather spoiled these days in Santa Barbara, where our "commute" to work is a 7-minute... WALK. Even when we move to the new office building, the driving commute will be under 10 minutes.

Someday we hope to pursue the American dream of home ownership. Exorbitant home prices in Santa Barbara aren't helping that endeavor, but we're saving and keeping an eye on the market. Someday...

Anniversary Dinner-- guess where?

Well, Day 1 of NaBoPloMo should be easy to break in, for every Nov 1 brings something easy to write about: our anniversary!

Todd, Allan and I went to our favorite restaurant in the whole wide world-- Brummi's! Tonight's visit marked the 9th or 10th time we've been there throughout the course of nearly a year. Why is it our favorite? Well, read all about the divine food here: http://heckledtrio.wordpress.com/2010/01/04/little-slice-of-germany/ And read about Brummi's wonderful, quirky, friendly owner Veronika here: http://probablytabitha.com/2010/01/08/veronika/

Twice a year Veronika makes her special "Schweineshaxen" -- pork shank, I believe is the English term. But what do I know about cuts of meat. We first got a taste of it on Valentine's Day this year, when we joined our friends Leah, John Paul, Jeff and Laura for a Valentine's dinner special. Reservations must be made at least 2 days in advance, to allow Veronika to begin the marinating process. The end result is a little slice of heaven: crispy skin and soft, tender meat that slips right off the bones.

Every October, for the entire month (in honor of Oktoberfest), Veronika again features her Schweineshaxen special. Since our anniversary fell on the day after October ended, we asked if we could still make reservations with a couple orders of the special. Turns out she still had some, so we could! :-)

And if I thought all the food was delicious before, well... it was, but tonight's dinner was something else!

The pork, as usual, was delightfully crispy on the outside and tender on the inside. But best of all were the crisp bits of fat near the edge of the bone-- I popped a piece into my mouth, and oh my. I finally learned firsthand what it means for a crisp bit of fat to "melt in your mouth". It was divine. Allan got a side of spaetzle and I got a side of potato dumplings. It was all very delicious, but then! Then the pretzels arrived.

Now, I've never been a really huge fan of pretzels. I mean, they're okay, and I'll eat them for snacks now and again, but they're not amongst the "OMG, must have!" list. Usually they are too salty and/or too dry. When Veronika brought out a bag of fresh pretzels, I grabbed Allan's and took a bite, fully expecting to put it down again without a second thought.

Wrong.

Another slice of mouth heaven! The pretzel was not only perfectly salted, it was soooo soft and moist! I don't think I've ever eaten fresh BREAD that was that moist and delicious and flavorful. We later found out that the baker who made those pretzels was the husband of one of Allan's former professors/grad colleagues! Small world!

Of course, no meal at Brummi's is complete without dessert. I got my usual Apfelkuechlein with homemade vanilla sauce, and we also got an order of one of Veronika's latest creations-- crepes. As if the authentic German food wasn't delicious enough, she gives the French a run for their money! See, most crepes are too sweet for me. I don't know if it's because they put too much Nutella filling in it, or if the "dough" itself was already too sweet to begin with, but usually after eating about 2/3 of your average crepe, I've had enough. Veronika's crepes, on the other hand? I couldn't get enough. Just the right amount of sweetness. One was filled with Nutella, and the other filled with plum jam. Topped with ice cream, whipped cream and a splash of chocolate sauce, and my taste buds were yet again in heaven.

At the end of the evening we got our picture taken with Veronika for her wall, filled with photos of her and her regular customers. Yay for being immortalized amongst the other folks who have come to love Veronika and her restaurant filled with love.

What a wonderful evening. Most couples prefer to spend their anniversaries alone, but not us. For us, the celebration isn't complete without the little man. It's a true family celebration! And now we can all waddle off to bed, tummies full and taste buds satisfied :-)

NaBloPoMo (and a call for suggestions)

It's been nearly a year since I started blogging on Wordpress. I started out strong-- it was the end of November, which meant it was during last year's NaBloPoMo (what is that, you wonder? More about it  in a sec). Which meant it was right around the time I started reading Tabitha's blog, where her daily postings inspired me to try to follow suit. Especially since I was actually *paying* to use Wordpress! As you can tell, I haven't always been successful, and by the time 2010 rolled around, I had dwindled to an average of one post a week, which dropped down to one per month in recent, well, months.

So... what IS NaBloPoMo, you ask? Well, perhaps more of you are familiar with NaNoWriMo, the National Novel Writing Month which takes place every November. A few years ago, a spinoff on it, National Blog Posting Month, was born. Its premise is simple: blog every day for the entire month of November. Yep. 30 days of nonstop blogging. I learned about it too late last year (November was already well under way), but now that it's looming again, I thought I would give it a try. Maybe blogging every day will get me back into the groove of posting more often. Maybe not everyday, but certainly more than once a week!

I've been jotting down ideas for posts that have been swirling around in my head for a while, so I'll have something to write about on days when inspiration simply won't hit.

But what I'd really like is to hear feedback from you (yeah, right-- hardly anyone comments anymore, but hey-- a girl can hope, right?).

What would you like me to write about?

There are 30 days in November, I've got about a week's worth of posts already pre-mapped out in outline form, and I'd really love to solicit suggestions from you. So bring 'em! No matter how serious, how risque, how deep, how shallow, how ridiculous or how silly you think it is. You know better than anyone how much I can ramble off on tangents, no matter what the subject ;-) So-- comment here, post on Facebook, send me an email, send me an IM, talk to me in person!

Here's to November!

Still alive!

It's been over a month since I've posted anything on here, and I feel like I've got lots to say (most of the time, I'll read or hear something somewhere, like a sermon in church, or a random Twitter post, that will inspire a train of thought I want to jot down). But by the time I actually find some time to sit down and write anything, the mood is gone, and my mind is once again a blank slate.

So I thought I'd warm up with another boring, bland "catch up on my life" post.

Obviously, the last exciting thing to happen was the Tech Retreat, which I wrote about in my previous blog post. Since then...

Todd returned to SB the last week of September, throwing us back into our routine of things. So far he's enjoying second grade. Since he's back with us, I instituted a rule at home: no electronic devices on (computers, iPad) until after Todd goes to bed. Which is 9:00 pm. It's amazing how much time you can reclaim in the day without any computers on. It leaves us the full evening to spend our time with Todd, working on homework and other things. And you know what happened? After a few days of this, I discovered I'd weaned myself off the computer fairly well. Once I did turn it on, I didn't find much to hold my interest. I read a few blogs, caught up on email and Facebook, and that was it. No interest in watching any of my myriad of streaming Netflix shows or playing games. I was more interested in leaving the desk to do other things-- like actually make it to bed early, or read a book, or play the piano.

Yup, you read that right. We bought an electric piano keyboard-- a Casio Privia PX-130, with matching stand and piano bench. The weighted keys are almost as realistic as real piano keys and the sound is very clean and crisp. The fact that you can plug in headphones makes it perfect for our apartment living situation. Todd had started learning piano over the summer,  so we decided it would be good to continue it now that he's back in SB. As for me, it's been 13 years since I even *touched* a piano, so I've been having fun getting myself reacquainted with it, practicing finger exercises and relearning songs I'd long since forgotten. Amazingly, my fingers still seemed to retain a memory of some of the songs I'd learned and played so often so long ago, so relearning the notes went faster than I thought. And now that I'm an adult and actually playing because I *want* to, it's actually a fun and relaxing way to spend the evening.

In mid-October I managed to get several friends together for a trip to Old Town Tavern for some karaoke. Wednesday nights are the perfect night for it, as it's virtually empty from 7:30pm till about 10:00pm, allowing each of us to get several songs in. This time I managed to get in 9 songs, including a couple of duets with Nick and a round of "Barbie Girl" with AJ. Apparently my friends and I have been there often enough for the DJ to recognize us, for after Nick and I did our first duet together and were leaving the stage, the DJ told me to get back up there, whereupon he put on Abba's "Waterloo". Evidently I've sung that song more than a couple of times during previous karaoke trips, and he remembered! :-)

Last Friday we held a fundraiser dinner for Todd's school-- it was a 50s/60s themed rock 'n' roll party. Allan and I invited several of our friends from church, most of whom have babies just under a year old. We hired nannies from a local nanny service to come to our house and watch the 3 babies plus Todd.
I dressed up in typical sock hop garb, made mostly of clothes I already owned. I did buy a skirt at K-Mart-- $2 for a perfect-length polka dot skirt that I can still reuse for other events. And Craft Essentials was the perfect place to find some really cute ribbons for my hair. Now I have a Halloween costume all set for next week :-) Two of our friends, Matt and Erin, dressed in matching 60s hippie garb, and actually won a prize for best dressed couple! Yay!

The fundraiser dinner was a blast. There was a silent auction, raffle, no-host bar and root beer float station for additional fundraising, and the highlight of the evening was the band-- Captain Cardiac and the Coronaries, an oldies tribute band. The dance floor was packed! What an evening :-) I hope the fundraising was equally successful to the amount of fun everyone had, especially some of the older guests, for whom this scene was pure nostalgia.

For now, though... back to the daily routine of work, school, and household chores. No complaints, though-- there is beauty in a set routine :-)