Viva Las Vegas in the Hot Summer Sun

Our much-anticipated weekend getaway to Vegas finally happened-- and what a blast! I booked the vacation way back in May, and we all wondered how we would survive the months till then. Well, somehow those months flew by and you know what? I'm glad we went towards the end of August-- one last hurrah before the end of summer.

This weekend trip incurred a lot of "firsts" for me:

• first time going to Vegas with friends (instead of family, like my previous half-dozen trips there)


• first time going out barhopping on the Strip at night


• first time splashing in a hotel pool


• first time wearing a 2-piece swimsuit in public since I was a kid


• first time wearing short skirts/dresses that I can no longer wear because they're only appropriate in Vegas anymore


• first time taking any sort of "dancing" class-- and it was a pole-dancing class, of all things!


• first time dancing in the middle of a group, and not off to the side where nobody can see me

We started off early Friday morning to pick up our rental van and load it up. The drive there was smooth and traffic-free, and we arrived with plenty of time to check in (we all stayed at Harrah's, right smack-dab in the middle of the strip) unpack and rest before heading out for dinner and drinks. We used the first of our Vegas Insider Card deals: 2-for-1 entrees at Bill's Gamblin' Hall and Saloon (formerly the Barbary Coast). It was the last time all 6 of us (Allan & me, Joe & Tabitha, Amir & Priyanka) would be together the entire trip until the very last day. We then headed off to the Imperial Palace for some karaoke! I wanted to make sure I got to sing in case I lost my voice again, like last time. Tabitha and I opted to do Gretchen Wilson's "Redneck Woman" together, paying $10 to have it recorded on DVD. Alas, it was not to be-- about 4 songs before our turn, a pair of girls got on stage and sang the exact same song!! We felt so robbed! Unfortunately, they were good, too, so we didn't exactly want to follow with the same song so soon afterward. Maybe if they'd done a poor job, we might've still stuck with it. So we scrambled to find an alternate, and wound up doing Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats" instead. A bit harder, and some of the notes got too low for me, but we'll see what the actual DVD looks like when I get a chance to watch it, and maybe post it :-)

Saturday morning Allan and I started our day with breakfast at the Harrah's buffet. All of us received 24-hour buffet passes with our room reservation-- allowing us to visit any buffet at 7 of the Harrah's properties as much as we wanted within a 24-hour period. I then headed off to Planet Hollywood (formerly the Aladdin) to meet up with Tabitha for our "Stripper 101" class, where we learned lap-dancing and pole-dancing techniques. The class was a lot of fun, and the pole-dancing portion was actually harder than it seemed-- a lot of balance, coordination and concentration required. We left the class wishing we could find a bar with a pole in it, to practice our newly-learned moves ;-) After lunch, Tab and I made our way to the pool at Flamingo while our husbands rested in the rooms. It was crowded in the water-- no surprise, as daytime temps soared to 105-110 each day, with "lows" dipping into the 80s. But in the shade the water was cold and refreshing and kept us cool for our half-block trek back to our hotel.

Dinner at the Caesar's buffet was delicious, and worth the half-hour wait in line to get in. Afterward, the "night out" began: Allan, Amir, Priyanka and I started out trying to find spots at the Venetian, but all of them were two noisy and crowded for our taste. We exited the hotel in time to catch the "Sirens of TI" show across the street. The scantily-clad pirate wench dancers were too far away to see, but we got a nice view of the fireworks show at the end. We tried to cross the street to get to Treasure Island itself but wound up having to go further north, past the Wynn/Encore complex, in order to do so. By the time we made it to TI, we were pretty tired from all the walking, and flopped down at the first quiet spot we saw-- the Isla Tequila Bar, which was actually pretty nice and comfy! We finished off the night with a trip to Caesars Palace, again bypassing the noisier bars/clubs and opting for the comfortable Seahorse Lounge, which offered not only a nice view of the aquarium with interesting sea animals, but made for great people-watching. It was 3am by the time we decided to call it a night. I can't remember the last time I stayed out that late!!

Sunday was another relaxing day. I tried to take Allan to the Flamingo pool but we were turned away. Guys really get gypped in Vegas-- girls get in free for everything, whereas guys have to pay. In the evening we got all 6 of us together again and drove to downtown Vegas, where we had dinner at the Firefly in the Plaza Hotel. It was a tapas bar, and the food and drinks were awesome! Since we didn't have reservations, we didn't get to sit in the main dining area (not without waiting, anyway) overlooking Fremont St, but we ended up with something better-- comfy sofas in the lounge area of the restaurant, which made dinner even more relaxing and enjoyable. If ever there was a must-eat place in Vegas, it's the Firefly. We caught the light show and then went into the Golden Nugget, where we found a nice cozy booth of sofas inside their Rush Lounge-- just in time for the live entertainment. It started off pleasantly and mellowly (is that a word?) enough-- Tabitha took a nap on Joe's shoulder and Amir recharged himself on the casino floor. By the time he got to the lounge, Tab was awake, and with all of us refreshed, we finished off the night with some group dancing in the middle of the lounge. What a way to end our last outing in Vegas with a bang! :-)

We got home late Monday evening, exhausted but happy. What a trip! I had originally intended to return to work Tuesday, but a few weeks ago, Amir wisely cautioned against it. So I took Tuesday off, and am I glad I did! I needed the extra day to recharge and rest and recuperate. Even today I'm not 100% there in terms of being at work, but it would've been much worse yesterday.

One last thing: early on in the trip, I decided to order the same drink wherever we went, so I could compare how the different bars did it. I started it off with a purchase at the Stripper Bar, where we got free drinks included in our Stripper 101 class: Vodka cranberry. It was delicious-- sweet, not too tangy, and barely a taste of alcohol (a testament to its smoothness). I ordered more at the Isla Tequila Bar, the Seahorse Lounge, the Firefly Tapas Bar and the Rush Lounge. They were all pretty good, but by far my favorite was the one from the Stripper Bar. Close second was the one from Firefly, and only because it was a tiny bit tangier and had the slightest hint of alcohol detectable. And no matter what, ALL of the vodka cranberries I got at the various Vegas bars were much better than anything I've ever gotten at a local bar here in Santa Barbara! :-)

Ah, Vegas. There's always something to see and do there, no matter how many times you've been there. And with friends, it's double the fun! :-) Here's to the next trip, hopefully while our coupon book and Vegas Insider Card are still valid!

Entitlement Run Amok

I regularly read two of LiveJournal's communities dedicated to rants about the truly nutty, entitled customers that can be found these days: customers_suck and customerssuck. The names of the communities say it all. The selfishness, rudeness, bitchiness and entitlement complexes of the customers featured in those stories never fails to astound me. I count my blessings that I am not in a customer-facing job, myself. I already have enough trouble dealing with people as is, let alone if I had to do so in a professional capacity like that. Today, however, I got to enjoy witnessing a "customer suck" firsthand.

It is Tuesday. For me, that means swim class at the gym in the evening. There are only 4 lanes in the pool, and the class can take up at least 3 of them-- the 3 largest ones, leaving the small one at the far end, by the wall, open for other swimmers. Tonight there were 8 of us in the class, so we needed all 3 reserved lanes. Unfortunately, there was an older woman in one of the middle lanes (whom I'll call "Gwen" because her platinum blonde hair and bright red swim cap remind me of Gwen Stefani's hair and lipstick), and our instructor tried to get her to move to the far lane. She would've still had the lane all to herself, as there were no other swimmers around besides those of us in the class.

Gwen refused. She said she didn't want to swim in that lane because she would hit the wall (understandable, as she was doing a lot of backstroke, and I've lost count of how many times my own arm has scraped the wall or smacked the lane dividers as I drifted to and fro). Okay, fine, stay in the middle lane-- the instructor offered to let her stay in that lane, but because the far lane was too small for 2 people to share, Gwen would have to share her lane with one of the class swimmers.

Generous of him, don't you think? After all, from 6:30-7:30 the first three lanes of the pool are *supposed* to be reserved for the swim class, and he's still letting her stay in her preferred lane.

Of course, if it *were* good enough, I wouldn't be blogging this, would I? No. This was not good enough for Gwen. She became more agitated as the instructor repeated not only the rules (3 lanes reserved for swim class till 7:30), but her options of either moving to the far lane and getting it to herself, or sharing her middle lane with one of the students. Before long, she threw her hands up in the air and stalked across the lanes to the steps, grumbling, "Fine! You can have your lanes. I pay $80 a month so that *I* can swim. Thank you very much!" and off she went, still muttering, into the jacuzzi.

About 15 minutes into the class, I noticed that another woman had come into the jacuzzi. Gwen didn't waste any time talking her ear off and complaining about the situation. Apparently she embellished her side of the story, for the woman felt compelled to speak to the instructor on Gwen's behalf. I think she figured Gwen and the instructor didn't understand each other, since English was clearly not Gwen's first language. Once the instructor explained to the woman what was going on, she seemed satisfied. I'm not sure if she tried to explain it to Gwen, as I resumed my swimming exercises, but I do know that a little while later, a younger guy joined the two women in the jacuzzi. Surprise, surprise-- Gwen started to complain to him, as well. Around this time, I exited the pool for a quick bathroom break, and when I returned, I could hear the young man totally yanking Gwen's chain, asking her things that clearly provoked her further. 10 minutes before the class was over, Gwen gave up and left the jacuzzi and pool area altogether.

The young man and the second woman turned to the instructor to talk about Gwen. The young man was noticeably disgusted by Gwen's behavior and attitude, and fully admitted that he had purposefully egged her on. The woman tried to give Gwen the benefit of the doubt, thinking that maybe Gwen just misunderstood. No, everyone was quick to point out. Gwen understood fully, because she insisted she didn't want to swim in the far lane "because I'll hit the wall!" The instructor, to his credit, remained fully professional through it all-- when dealing with Gwen (twice-- he even stopped to talk to her when she was in the jacuzzi, in an attempt to placate her) and when dealing with the young man who wasn't shy about expressing his opinion of Gwen: "she's absolutely nuts!!"

No excuses or rationalizations about it-- Gwen was, in customers_suck lingo, the epitome of an "EB"-- an entitlement bitch. I am quite certain she complained to staff about not being able to swim after paying good money for her membership. Hey, newflash, lady: we ALL pay good money to use this gym AND partake of the classes it offers, without interference from you. I mean come on, the swim class takes place ONE day a week, for ONE hour. Surely you can adjust your schedule to swim around that time. And if not-- hey it's not like they kicked you out of the pool altogether! You were allowed to stay and even offered options! If that's not being accommodating, I don't know what is. I just hope that's the last I ever have to see of Gwen. Sadly, considering how often I'm at the gym and its pool, that's probably not likely, unless she actually cancels her membership because of this incident. To which I say: good riddance!

Time flies when... you have time?

It's hard to believe July is more than halfway over, and that in just another month, Todd will return from his summer with my parents, throwing us back into our everyday routine of work, school, after-school activities, and home. You know-- the stuff that kept us so busy that the weeks would fly by in the blink of an eye.

Ironically, these past several weeks have flown by faster than that. The truly strange thing is that during the week, the days seem to crawl by. It wasn't until summer started that Thursdays would roll around, and I'd mistakenly think it was already Friday. And yet the weeks themselves, as a whole, have gone by in the blink of an eye. There are so many things I wanted to catch up on doing-- mostly reading-- and it feels like I've barely lifted a finger and half the summer's already gone.

I think part of it is because of the activities I've undertaken now that I couldn't before:

-- I joined the gym, and have been going there several times a week. Most of the time, it's after work, and by the time I get done with the class, or the post-swim shower, it's late evening. Dark, even, at times.

-- I started a technical writing class that, on the whole, doesn't occupy a whole lot of time, but is still something that needs to be done now and then.

-- We started a Netflix subscription, and between the mailed DVDs of "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman" and the instant online streaming of "Bones" (not to mention the regular USA shows piling up in my Hulu queue), well... you can see why I invested in that laptop desk ;-)

-- Myspace renewed my annual karaoke subscription-- keeping the super awesome sale rate I was able to snag last year. What a pleasant surprise! So I figured I should make use of this continued subscription, especially since singing into my computer mic is hard to do when you're not alone!

-- I've been going out with friends a lot. Like a night of karaoke and a concert in the park. Stuff I wouldn't ordinarily be able to do because we've got a kid at home.

The one thing that we've been especially bad about lately is cooking. You'd figure that without a little kid dictating the eating timeline, we'd have more freedom and more time to cook and eat healthfully. But I think we've cooked as many times this past 7 weeks as we ordinarily do in 1 week during the school year. What gives!? Why is it that my first time back at the stove is today, when hubby's out of town and I'm cooking only for myself?

I really think that being out of the routine that Todd normally imposes on us has thrown us off. Sure, there's all the extra activities we're undertaking while we revel in our freedom, but there really is something to be said for knowing exactly what you're going to be doing at what time of the day, every day. Guess it just goes to show that we're really creatures of habit, eh :-P And while I'm still looking forward to enjoying as much of the summer as I can, a small part of me looks forward to the end of it, when order and routine will once again be restored in our household :-) And when that happens, the days AND weeks will both fly by... not just the weeks without the days... because that creates some really odd sensations!

Nights of Music

Wednesday night I finally did something I hadn't done in nearly a year-- hit the Old Town Tavern for karaoke with good friends. The last time I went, it was on a Friday night, and didn't get too crowded till about 9pm, so I hoped that the middle-of-the-week Wednesday would mean even fewer crowds. And I wasn't disappointed!

Tabitha blogged about some of the interesting characters we ran into at the bar, so I'll spare some of those details: http://probablytabitha.com/2010/07/15/karaoke-its-spreading-faster-than-the-pregnancy-bug/

Basically, we arrived at 7:30 on the dot, which is when karaoke actually started. The bar was practically empty, so for a while, the rotations went between me, Tabitha, another lady named Cathy, and the DJ himself. As you can imagine, we managed to get a lot of songs in. And since there wasn't really much of an audience besides us (me, Allan, Joe, Tabitha and Timo), it was a great opportunity to try out some songs I'd normally be a little hesitant about doing in front of a larger crowd.

Nick joined us at 8pm, and managed to get some really awesome songs in, himself. People say that I'm "brave" or whatever, for going up on stage to sing, but let me tell you: Nick is the brave one, not me. See, I won't dare do a song I'm not 100% familiar and comfortable with, unless I'm doing it as part of a group. Nick, on the other hand? Went up at one song knowing only half of it, and winged his way through the rest, making up his own lyrics and tune... and it was awesome! If you weren't reading the lyrics on the screen, you would never know that he was singing different words. When we did "Baby It's Cold Outside" as a duet, Nick actually "crammed" for it by listening to it on his iPhone about 5 minutes before we got on stage! And he still did well! That kind of improvisation is something I just can't do, and hence why I think people who are willing and able to improvise like that are far braver than I am. Kudos to you, Nick!

All in all, the lack of crowds for a long time enabled me to get a LOT of songs in. Here are the solos I did that night:

• "Blame It On Your Heart" -- Patty Loveless
• "I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do" -- ABBA
• "Waterloo" -- ABBA
• "Everybody's Somebody's Fool" -- Connie Francis
• "I Feel Fine" -- The Beatles

And here are the songs I did as a duet/part of a group:

• "Redneck Woman" -- Gretchen Wilson (with Tabitha and Colleen)
• "YMCA" -- Village People (with Nick and Tabitha)
• "I Love Rock and Roll" -- Joan Jett (with Tabitha)
• "Baby It's Cold Outside" -- Martina McBride & Dean Martin (with the ever-improvising Nick)
• "Sweet Home Alabama" -- Lynyrd Skynyrd (with Nick, who mused that it must be quite a sight to have two Asians doing Southern rock!)

That's 10 songs total within the span of about 3.5 hours! That doesn't happen very often ;-)

Joe and Tab left at around 10pm, and about 15 minutes after that, the place started to fill up with college kids-- Wednesday night is college night, apparently. Not only did those young kids make me feel OLD, but they really epitomized what I used to be/do at their age-- loud, drunk, and boisterous. And they could not sing worth a dime. Joe keeps claiming that he didn't do that well when he sang his couple of songs, but those teenagers college kids made him look like Frank Sinatra. Despite that, the DJ actually turned the volume UP. We got out of there not long afterward, but hey-- considering it was nearly 3 hours before the college crowd arrived, I'd say we got a pretty darn good night of karaoke and songs in. My voice was shot by the end of it!

Here's a video montage Tabitha put together. Enjoy!



Last night several of us (me, Allan, Joe, Tabitha, Timo and our friend Amanda from UCSB) went down to Chase Palm Park to enjoy a picnic by the beach and free Concert in the Park, featuring and oldies tribute band called Captain Cardiac and the Coronaries. They weren't bad, but they need a new sound technician :-P We had fun relaxing on blankets, sharing our picnic fare, listening to the music (when we could hear the singing over the instruments, that is!), enjoying the warm sun and ocean breeze, watching the people, and playing with the hula hoops!

Amanda brought several hula hoops, which she couldn't use at first because it was relatively crowded. I'm sure nobody appreciates being bopped in the head by a twirling hula hoop ;-) But after the break halfway through the concert, people started packing up and leaving, opening up some space around us. By the end of the concert, Amanda and her hula hoop tricks had attracted quite a crowd, and before we knew it, all kinds of people-- adults and children alike, were having fun playing with the hoops. What a great way to end the evening.

So... two nights in a row of nights filled with fun, good company, and music. And there's still the weekend (and the French Festival, yay!) to look forward to :-)

Shopping and Sexism

I made a trip to Bed Bath and Beyond today and picked up a bed desk for my laptop. It has a built-in USB-powered cooling fan, a little lamp, soft padding on the sides for a mouse, and a cupholder. Since lately I've been spending a lot of my computer time on my laptop from the comfort of Todd's bed, I found a need for a sturdy stand that would keep my laptop cool and protect my legs from its heat. Pillows may protect my legs but aren't good for the laptop. Especially mine, which is 6 years old and prone to really heating up! This is what I wound up getting:



I'm using it as I type up this post now, and I love it! It's just the right size for my large, 15.4" widescreen laptop, which seems to love the cooling fans. They provide some really nice airflow, and keep the laptop happy. Which makes me happy :-) And with a 20% off coupon, it's really worth the price!

So my little purchase covers the "Shopping" part of the post title. What about the "Sexism" part, you may be wondering?

Well, I took my co-worker Timo shopping with me, as there were some things he wanted to get at Bed Bath and Beyond as well. But before that, I wanted to visit a couple of open houses before they closed up. When we got to one of them, we were greeted by the slick, stereotypical-salesman type of agent. The type you know you'd have a hard time saying "no" to if you wandered into his showroom. We introduced ourselves individually, and the guy immediately focused his gaze and attention on Timo. When the agent asked a question, I would respond, and he would glance at me for a split second before turning back to Timo "full time". Apparently I also asked a question during this introductory discourse, which the guy answered, all the while looking at... well, not me! Just when I was starting to feel a bit disconcerted about this, Timo explicitly directed the agent's attention back to me, and we moved on to the tour.

Afterward, we both mused about how there are still people out there who just automatically assume that when they see a man and a woman together, the man is the one making the decisions. I haven't encountered very many forms of sexism in my life (surprising, considering I served in the still-predominantly male Army), so it was a bit surreal to actually witness a form of it in action.

I've also had similar experiences when accompanying my parents to business transactions. When we were shopping around for a burial plot for my grandmother, some of the funeral home personnel would turn their full attention to me, even though it was my mother asking them questions/answering their questions/making the decisions. They just assumed they'd get faster answers out of me because my mom's English isn't as fluent, but come on! It's not like she can't speak it at all! And if there's something that needs clarification, I'm there to help, but I'm not the primary person to be addressed.

All in all, it made for an amusing part of the day, but it still makes you wonder: whatever happened to the common courtesy of addressing the person who is talking to you, regardless of what you think his/her role is?

Of Pinnipeds, Poop Coffee and Pfamily

Yes, yes, I know it's spelled "family" but I couldn't resist continuing my little series of words starting with "P".

Thought I'd give a little recap on my very busy weekend:

On Friday night, hubby and I picked up a minivan from the car rental agency at the airport and drove it down to LA, where my cousin, his wife, and their daughter were staying with my parents. Nearly 2 years ago, I took a trip to Indonesia with my parents (details here: http://heckledtrio.blogspot.com/2008/10/home-at-last-brief-recap.html) and met all sorts of family on both my parents' sides, so it was nice to see my cousin and his wife again after meeting them for the first time 2 years ago. Their daughter, Jasmine, is the same age as Todd, and the two kids got along fabulously. Jasmine spoke mainly Chinese, Todd spoke mainly English, but the two were able to understand each other. Plus, you know how it goes with kids-- language is never a barrier, for "play" is the universal language! It was also a good way for Jasmine to improve her English, and for Todd to practice his Chinese.

We started out on Saturday with a drive down to Sea World in San Diego, where my 2-m-tall hubby enjoyed feeling like a normal human being behind the wheel of a minivan (and not the usual scrunched-sardine feeling he gets in regular cars) during the long drive. It had been over 20 years since I last visited Sea World, so I was curious to see how much had changed since then. Turns out: a lot! The Shamu show had gotten a lot cheesier, but the sea lion show had gotten more entertaining! There was a new roller coaster that Todd clamored for and loved, despite his mother screaming her head off at all the turns :-P And my highlight of the day was getting to see real live sea turtles! First time I'd ever seen them up close and not just in movies and pictures. I could have whiled away all day just watching them swim and sunbathe, had we not had company! Saturday's weather in SD was expected to be overcast, so I didn't bother with sunscreen. Big mistake-- the sun decided to pay us a surprise visit and then proceeded to blaze down upon us all afternoon-- and we came home with some badly sunburnt arms and faces.

Sunday we hit Universal Studios, which had likewise changed since my last visit (which was only 3 years ago). The "Back to the Future" ride had become "The Simpsons" ride, the special effects/sound stage had been updated to showcase modern technological advances, and the tram tour featured the new King Kong movie in 360 3-D in addition to old staples like the earthquake in the subway. The kids, of course, enjoyed themselves thoroughly and had great fun sitting next to each other on all the rides, even getting mistaken for siblings at one point. I made sure to lather up with sunscreen throughout the day, but it figures-- we didn't even need it that day, as most of our time was spent in the shade. Even the long lines waiting to get on rides and see shows was spent in the cool shade.

The day ended with some fireworks-- one of our neighbors (one of the few original families from when the neighborhood was first built-- many of the others have moved away) who used to host block parties at his house, did likewise this year-- a huge party complete with fireworks in the street. Todd and Jasmine enjoyed not only seeing fireworks light up the sky, but got to hold sparklers-- something even *I* have never ventured to do! What a great ending to a fun-filled day. Allan and I had to return to SB that night, and dropped off the rental van after midnight before getting home  and climbing into bed, exhausted.

So... back to the title. The pinnipeds clearly referred to the sea lions whose zany antics we enjoyed, and (p)family was my family from Indonesia, visiting the United States for the first time. But poop coffee? How many of you have ever heard of Kopi Luwak? It's basically a coffee whose beans are derived from an animal called the civet. It eats the coffee berries, digests the fruit portion, and then poops out the beans, which are then harvested, cleaned and processed. It's produced primarily in Indonesia and is the most expensive coffee in the world. My cousin brought a small box of it with him, and we brewed it and tried some on Sunday morning. True to its claims, it was really good! It was amazing how little bitterness there was. That's the primary reason I dislike coffee-- too bitter. But this stuff? Rather than pouring in sugar by the cupful to sweeten the taste, I only had to add a couple teaspoons of sugar to enhance the flavor, and was even able to drink some of it without any sugar at all... and without wrinkling my nose at the bitter taste ;-) Kopi luwak may have less-than-savory sounding origins, but it certainly does yield some world-class coffee!

What a weekend! Monday was spent doing little more than recuperating, thank heavens we got the day off! Back to the grind... at least it's a short week :-D

99 Memorable Experiences

After wrapping up the last remaining tidbits in the back of my head for the month of sex, I found myself stumped for blogging topics. Then I came across this post by April, and though I've filled out variations of this before, it's been a while since I've partaken of a meme, and thought I'd see if I could warm back up to the blogging routine by posting this.

So here we are: a list of 99 potential things you've done in your life. I've bolded the ones that I have, and added commentary when applicable :-)

1. Started your own blog -- several, in fact: Grab, Myspace, LiveJournal, Blogger, Tumblr, and here.
2. Slept under the stars -- yes, but not by choice-- during Army field training exercises.
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disney -- both Disneyland and California, and Disney World in Florida.
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sung a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a thunder and lightning storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice -- and it's true what they say about the canals of Venice-- smelly!
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language -- well, learned in school. I don't think that counts as "teaching myself", though.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing -- again, though, not by choice. Army training again ;-)
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David in person
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted -- well, do caricatures count? ;-)
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris -- not quite the top, but halfway. Considering you still got a splendid view of Paris, I'd say this counts ;-P
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling -- no, but would love to dive with sea turtles someday!
52. Kissed in the rain -- brrr! I'd rather be snug indoors, thank you very much :-P
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie -- I tried to audition as an extra for "Sgt. Bilko". They wouldn't let me, for the STUIPDEST reasons! To this day, I refuse to watch the movie out of principle. Boycott!
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class -- I don't think my current gym kickboxing class counts ;-)
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching -- would definitely love to!
63. Got flowers for no reason -- no, but that's probably because anyone that knows me knows that I'm not much of a flowers-and-candy type of girl. Although the sentiment is sweet!
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Been sky diving
66. Visited a Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter -- again, Army days ;-) But this was a fun ride, with the pilot trying to scare us with some more daring maneuvers
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy -- *a* toy? Try several! Some of them my son has now inherited :-)
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job -- does a layoff count?
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone -- dislocated pinky. Never fixed. Sticks out an an angle now. Love squicking hubby out with it whenever he annoys me :-D
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car -- my 1998 Plymouth Neon. Got it in Augusta, GA
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper -- do school papers count?
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Gotten a tattoo
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

Wrapping up the Month of Sex

I haven't been blogging much lately, but the few recent posts have sort of gotten away from the "month of sex" theme that I fully intended to finish.  There were a few bits and pieces from John's comment that I wanted to write about-- I figured that since many were ideas too small to dedicate a whole blog post to, they were just the right size for sprinkling several together into one post :-)

First up: lingerie. I personally agree with John's assessment that it's a waste. The whole point of lingerie is that it will be taken off very soon. Why spend money on something that, when used for its intended purpose, is only going to be worn for a few minutes? If I know most men, the same effect can be achieved by a woman's strutting around in her birthday suit-- much more cost, time and space-effective, too! ;-)

Location: what's the wildest/wackiest place you've ever done it? For me, it would be places like my office... or my car. Once when the car was parked in a parking garage, and once when we were on the road-- although, as you can imagine, driving kind of limits what you can do. Still, when a van passed us in the next lane, let's just say he found himself not in a hurry to pass us anymore!

Positions: I have learned that these truly depend on people's bodies, and how well they fit together. Before I had my son, doggy-style ranked amongst my favorites. But after I gave birth, something obviously must have changed with the shape of my innards, for I can no longer enjoy it anymore. At best, it's uncomfortable, at worst it's painful. I'm kinda bummed about that, as I remember how much I used to enjoy it, but that's okay, I've moved on to better positions. Namely: woman-on-top. It used to be one of my least favorites, but I've recently learned just how much I can control how I position myself, which in turn led to discovering the right positions that maximize pleasure. So now it ranks as one of my favorties :-) What are your favorites?

Fantasies: I think that anyone who insists they don't have any fantasies has a lot to learn about their sexuality. Obviously, it takes experience and exposure to different ideas in order for your own fantasies to develop, but once ideas take root and start to grow, it adds such a whole new dimension to your sex life. Even just discussing various fantasies with your partner, whether or not they get fulfilled, can be exciting. One of the things that amuses me most is that, when it comes to "conventional" fantasies, my husband and I have our roles reversed-- he's not the one who gets off on the "menage a trois" idea, but I sure am ;-) Do you harbor any fantasies, no matter how small or how outlandish?

Orgasms: If you pay the remotest attention to the stuff that's out there, you'll know that the "female orgasm" is discussed often and is still shrouded in mystery. I have known men who took their women's pleasure quite personally, i.e. if the woman wasn't satisfied, it was an affront to his ego. I think that notion is utterly ridiculous. First of all, your pleasure is not solely your partner's responsibility-- nobody knows your body better than you, you know what works and what doesn't, so either do it yourself, physically guide your partner, or give them verbal feedback on what to do and what to stop.

Second of all, women's bodies are so different and diverse compared to men's. I mean, sure, each man has his own individual preferences, but by and large it's the same-- stimulate penis (esp head) enough, and he's sure to erupt. Women, on the other hand, respond differently to different parts of their delicate bits: some get off on clitoral stimulation, others get off on G-spot stimulation (and let's not even get into trying to *find* this elusive spot in the first place!), others prefer intercourse, some like a combination, and some prefer single sources of stimulation at a time. I guess a lot of that stems from the difference between external and internal genitalia ;-)

From my point of view, orgasm is nice, but it's not the end-all be-all, and it's certainly no reason for a man to beat himself up just because his woman didn't cum during a session. There's lots of aspects of sex to enjoy, things to do that feel good, without necessarily achieving orgasm, and to me, that's much more important.

Finally, I thought I'd link to one of the communities I read on LiveJournal, bad_sex: http://community.livejournal.com/bad_sex/
The name says it all. Some of those stories are so funny, cringe-worthy or even shocking that they make your own minor mishaps look like nothing. (Note: the majority of the posts are locked to members-only, so you'll have to sign in with an LJ account to read them. It's worth it, though!)

So, that about wraps up the month (or two) of sex. I'm sure that sometime in the future another sex-related topic will come up that I just have to write about, but when it does, it'll just be another normal post. For now, I shall conclude the theme and open the floor to you guys. Tell me your stories!

When Little Old Ladies Kick Your Butt...

Last Monday (a week ago) I finally did something I've never had to do before-- joined a gym. I mean, I've always had access to a gym (either through an on-site one through work, in the military, or on a university campus while I was a student) but this is the first time I've actually *paid* for a membership. It's worth it, though, as I'll explain in a moment.

My biggest inspiration comes from my friend Tabitha, who has been on a fitness quest with a weekly accountability report every Wednesday. My secondary inspiration is derived from my own personal goals, which aren't quite as tangible as Tabitha's: 1) get in better shape/health overall and 2) lose the tummy fat before bikini season on our trip to Las Vegas this August!

You would think that because I don't have a very precise goal (e.g. an exact waist size to strive for, or an exact # of pounds to lose), it might make it harder to stay on track, and that's probably true, but one of the main reasons I chose this particular gym was because it offered such a vast array of classes, many of which fit my schedule by being offered in the evenings after work or during lunch. The company discount we get makes it very cost-effective, and you can't beat the location-- it's right across the street from work and a 5 minute walk from home.

I started out Monday with a kickboxing class. I'd never done anything like this before, but it always looked fun on TV/in movies/in Todd's karate class. I kept a moderate pace and focused on learning to do the moves slowly and correctly, rather than trying to deliver powerful kicks using wrong form, which just seems like a good way to ask for injury! I was a little sore the next day, but not nearly as much as I had expected.

Wednesday brought aqua aerobics in the heated pool. The evening was sunny, the instructor lively, and the music fantastic. I figured this was a great way to get some cardiovascular exercise in with minimal joint impact. But I learned something: don't let the peaceful sound of the class name, or the fact that people with special conditions (older people, people with injuries, pregnant women) favor it fool you. I went home and didn't realize how exhausted I was until I flopped onto the couch. And this morning? I was even more sore and achy than I was after the kickboxing class! I'm certain it's because aquatic exercise seems deceptively easy. I knew that kickboxing was going to be tough, so I made a conscious effort to pace myself and not overdo it. But in the water, you don't immediately feel the effects of keeping your body in constant, nonstop motion. It's not immediately obvious just how much resistance the water actually offers. So while going at a moderate pace, I felt like I wasn't really accomplishing anything, and so I pushed myself to go harder (and even then, I was still slower than the other women in my class, all of whom were much older than me). My aching shoulders and legs have taught me not to underestimate aqua aerobics-- it's a lot tougher than it looks!

Thursday I took it "easy" with a nice, moderately-paced swim. Friday I took a break and then Saturday morning I met Tabitha at the gym for their "ripped" class, whose main focus is resistance training. I figured I would need the upper-body and core strength to be able to hold the kickboxing bags. What I didn't figure was just how much it would kick my ass! It was great, though-- an overall total-body workout that really worked my abs and legs. It hurt to sneeze and cough the next day, but it was worth it :-P

I dreaded kickboxing on Monday (yesterday), as I was still pretty sore, but found myself feeling MUCH better after the class, because warming up and using my muscles was the best way to stretch them and reduce the soreness. It was also an immense help that there was another new girl in the class, who had kickboxing experience but hadn't done it in a while. So when we were partnered up, I didn't have to worry about being knocked to the floor everytime she kicked. At the same time she was able to offer some pointers that helped me out, as well :-)

Tonight I'm looking forward to trying their new swim class. I love swimming and am keen on improving my stroke technique. So far I'm really enjoying making use of my new gym membership and exploring the various classes, the combination of which gives me a great total-body workout: some focus on cardio, some on strength and some on endurance. More importantly, they keep me motivated to stick with regular workouts. Unless I'm swimming laps (my preferred form of cardiovascular exercise), I am not fond of working out alone, yet I'm hard-pressed to find someone with similar workout interests and schedule as me. Even hubby, who favors ellipticals and the treadmill (neither of which I particularly like), works out early in the morning, something that just does NOT work for me-- 5 years of doing it with the Army have taught me that I'm an evening/afternoon-workout kind of girl.

Speaking of evening workouts... time to hit the pool :-)

Hairstyles: the Tried and True

I seem to average about 6 months between each haircut visit. I think part of it is because, until a year ago, I've never been able to really find a stylist that truly understands my hair needs. My rants about my failed attempts at finding a good hairstylist filled my blog post on Grab a few years ago: http://blogs.grab.com/hellykwee/105612

But as you can see from my last blog post about a haircut (six months ago), I did eventually find one that I've stuck with ever since: http://heckledtrio.wordpress.com/2009/12/30/new-haircut/

As you can tell from the photos in that blog post, I was well on my way to growing my bangs out. I have had short hair for much of my life, and didn't start growing it out until high school (and even then, my post-high-school years were filled with occasional stints of *really* short hair, which was much easier to maintain in the Army). Throughout all the years, I've always had bangs (aka "fringe" for those of you across the pond). And while I liked them okay, I was always frustrated that I could never do things like wear hats, or get them wet when it's drizzling outside, without ruining them. Naturally I also started wondering what I would look like without bangs. At the very least, it would be less work for me, not having bangs to tame in the morning.

And so my quest began almost exactly 1 year ago-- after our annual 4th of July church campout in 2009, I stopped trimming my bangs. It was hard at first, to resist the temptation to trim them when they got to the stage where they were long enough to fall into my eyes and bother me, yet too short to really push away from my face without immediately falling back again. Fortunately my hair grows relatively fast, and that awkward period soon passed. I discovered that I had to part my hair to the side, or else I'd wind up looking like a 60s hippie. This in turn revealed more gray hairs, which wasn't ideal either.

Nearly a year after growing out my bangs, I realized, after seeing some photos taken of me, that I just couldn't pull off the no-bangs look. I just don't have the right face shape, hairline and hair texture for it. Because my hair is so thick, coarse and straight, I couldn't pull off any sort of hairstyle that entailed pulling my hair back. Which... sucks, as who wants to be limited to having their hair down and loose all the time? This photo illustrates the contrast sharply:

That's me on the left and my friend Tabitha on the right. Notice how although her headband doesn't pull ALL of her hair all the way back, it does push some of it away from her face, and yet the finer texture of her hair allows for nice wisps on the side, softening the often-harsh look of exposing your forehead and sides of your face. Since my hair type is a far cry from that, it's all-or-nothing for me: either it's all pulled smoothly (too smoothly) back or it's all hanging down. No in-between.

So I decided I had to go back to having bangs. I had seen lots of photos (of friends, celebrities and style guides on the web) of people with side-swept bangs, and always thought they looked nice, and served as a nice compromise between my usual blunt-cut bangs and no bangs at all. I thought I would give it a try, and visited my trusty stylist. It was about time for the rest of my hair to be trimmed, anyway-- the growing process is hindered by all those split ends! Here is a photo of me before going in. By this point, I've grown out all of my bangs and attempted to soften the sharpness of a completely blank forehead by brushing some of the hair over it and tucking it behind my ear-- a sort of faux side bangs, if you will:



As soon as the stylist cut my hair, I realized it wasn't going to work. Most people whose photos I've seen and admired had softer, wavy hair-- the type that will stay to the side if you comb it that way (maybe with a bit of styling aid). My hair? Was so coarse and straight that it naturally wanted to fall straight and forward back across my forehead! Which meant that, for the length of bangs needed to make side bangs, this hair was too long, falling in my eyes, and generally bothering me. Here's a shot of what I looked like after my visit to the stylist: if you click on the photo for the larger image, you can already see some wisps of hair falling into my eyes. It would actually be even more if the edge of my glasses weren't keeping that hair at bay! If I had moved my head just slightly, it would've covered my eye. And that's WITH some hair pomade already in it-- can you imagine how much product I'd need to make the hair stay in place? It would end up being just as much work as I used to have with my regular bangs, and I would need so much that it would end up slicking the hair all the way to the side-- in other words, bringing me back to the empty forehead, bang-less look I was trying to mitigate in the first place!



This was on a Friday, and the stylist suggested that I try it out over the weekend. If I didn't like it, I could come in on Monday and she'd fix it at no charge. Well, the weekend came and went, and to keep the dang hair out of my eyes, I kept it pinned back with a bobby pin most of the time at home. This is a shot I took on Saturday, the day after. As you can see, except for the fact that my hair is smoother without split ends, it really doesn't look much different from my first, "before the cut" picture:



So on Monday I trooped back to my stylist and asked her to cut them back into my normal, straight, blunt-cut bangs. Except it wasn't quite back to exactly how I used to have them. Before I grew out my bangs, I didn't have a lot of hair in the bangs to begin with. I never liked the "heavy bang" look and minimized the amount of hair I would put into it. You can't tell from my older photos, but it really is a small amount (it just *looks* heavier because my hair is so thick). I realize now that that was a part of the problem causing my bangs to be unruly-- there wasn't enough there to weigh it down when things like wind or rain came, causing a stringy look.

But because the stylist had to cut further back into my hairline in order to give me "thicker" side bangs (and, in theory, enough hair to make that work), she had no choice but to cut my blunt bangs at the same depth. At first I feared it would be too much, as I've never had bangs that heavy before. But I've come to realize that the added hair and weight actually *helps* keep my bangs tamed. I found more side benefits, too: because I can now go back to parting my hair in the middle, my hair doesn't have the "triangular" effect it did when I had to part them on the side-- i.e. the top had my hair smoothly against my head, only to branch out into poofy, coarse hair at the ends. My hair "fluffiness" looked more even. Better still, since more hair went into my bangs, that meant less hair going into the long lengths = less hair weighing it down = more bounce to it.

So here I am now:



I'm really pleased with how it turned out. It's actually *easier* to maintain these bangs than it was trying to maintain my original blunt bangs throughout all those years. I think part of it is also an improvement in my hair health thanks to the various shampoos and conditioners I've been experimenting with, trying to find one strong enough for my hair... but that's for another blog post.

For now, Helly is back to her original look :-)
And while I'm a bit disappointed to have learned that I'm one of those people who can't pull off a bang-less look, at least I've had a chance to try it, and now I know for sure. Besides, the end result of it was not simply a return to my old look, but an improvement on it-- one that definitely makes my life and my morning routine faster and easier. Hurrah for convenience! :-)

Handwriting analysis... or, offline blogging ;-)

Been remiss in posting due to the sheer hecticness of my days, and so am taking a quick break from my "month of sex" theme for something a little different. And less risque!

Tabitha blogged some samples of her own handwriting, and I thought it was a nifty thing to do. So here are my samples. This is the information we were supposed to put on it:

Write down the following, snap a picture (or scan the document), post it, and tag others.

1. Name/Blog Name
2. Right handed, left handed or both
3. Favorite letters to write
4. Least favorite letters to write
5. Write: The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
6. Write in caps:
CRAB
HUMOR
KALEIDOSCOPE
PAJAMAS
GAZILLION
7. Favorite song lyrics
8. Tag 7 people
9. Any special note or drawing

A couple of notes before we move onto the scanned pages:

1. Since I doubt as many as 7 people even READ my blog, I left the tagging open-- if you want to follow, I'd love to see your results!
2. I couldn't decide whether I wanted to do this in print or cursive, so I did both. Therefore, you get 2 images :-)
3. Because it's two pieces of paper, you may have to click on the image to enlarge it enough to read it.
4. My mother always maintained that handwriting deteriorates as you get older. Evidently she's right, because my handwriting has definitely gone downhill in recent years. My cursive used to be a lot neater!

Et voila (clicky):

What I'm most curious about here is how many people will actually bother to take the time to read my old Grab blog post about the song lyrics. It's not a clickable link, so how many of you will actually type out the URL to read more on which parts of the song I like, and why I like them?

Finally, I leave you with an image captured at Dinotown in Canada, June 2007 (wow, has it really been 3 years!?): me performing the truest form of offline blogging. Pen and notepad to jot down memorable notes that I can later transform into whole blog entries.

A Hairy Situation

Wow. I must apologize for the long delay in posting, it's been an incredibly busy past couple of weeks. What can I say-- the month of May is, without exception, hellishly busy. I was also running out of steam for ideas on what to write about in keeping with my "month of sex" theme. My friend Tabitha came up with a simple topic that spawned all sorts of writing ideas: shaving! And no, I don't mean the face, legs or armpits. It wouldn't really be sex-themed if it were. Unless that sort of stuff turns you on. But... that's not the point of this post :-P

Ah, pubic hair. It's razors for men's faces that get all the marketing attention, but those same razors come in so handy in shaving the nether regions, as well. It seems that these days, shaving is the way to go. I am not surprised. With women's shaving of their legs so commonplace, it makes sense that next up are the naughty bits. After all, hair on the legs is generally not that intrusive, but pubic hair can be a real jungle!

It might surprise some of you to know that I do not shave my legs. I subscribe to the old wives' tale that warns that shaving will lead to thicker, longer growth back. I'm sure many of you might pooh-pooh it, but my mom is living proof. And lest you think her legs are just an anomaly, let me introduce you to my husband, whose tender bits we had to cleanly and closely shave in preparation for his "snip-snip" operation. What do you suppose grew back? Thicker, bushier hair! It really is true!

Now, despite my assertion that the old wives' tale has a ring of truth to it, I still shave my pubic hair. It's already so coarse and bushy to begin with, I might as well. The feeling of cleanness and smoothness afterward is well worth it. Plus it's a lot easier to maintain than leg hair-- there's much less surface area, and I don't really have to shave that often anyway. I find that I can go about 2-3 weeks before I have to trim it all back down again. A 10-pack of razors can be bought for $1 at the dollar store. And a razor usually last me 2 shavings, i.e. approximately 5-6 weeks. So a one-dollar pack of ordinary razors will last a whole year. The shaving itself is no trick, either. I learned the idea from my ex, who used to shave his face in the shower, where, he pointed out, the hot water was good for softening up his skin. So, a few extra minutes in the shower, and voila! Nice smooth skin :-)

Then there are women who shave all but a little patch of hair (always seemed pointless to me-- if you're making the effort, why not clean everything up all at once?), or even more intriguing, those who shave designs into their hair. I've always wondered how they managed the handiwork and the patience to do that. It does look pretty intricate, when done right.

Another thing that has intrigued both me and Allan (though for slightly different reasons) is the process of permanent (via laser) hair removal. Allan only shaves his face twice a week, but even after the first day post-shave, his stubble is irritating enough that I have to be careful when I kiss him. Scratched-up lips are not my idea of fun! It would be sooo convenient if he could just have a permanently smooth face. We've both lamented about it. It would save him that extra work, and we could kiss each other freely whenever we wanted :-) The thought of permanent hair removal between my legs has also crossed my mind. I think at this point it seems like it's a bit too risky for an area that sensitive (not to mention time-consuming, expensive, and no guarantee of how well it would work), but I must admit, the idea is fascinating!

Well, whether it's permanent or ongoing, I'm definitely a big fan of keeping the girly bits clean shaven. Or, at the very least, trimming it close. I don't know, maybe it's because I've been conditioned by the media. Modern-day adult videos almost always feature clean-shaven women. Contrast that with vintage porn from a few decades ago, when women went au naturel. To me it seems... less clean somehow. At the very least, it seems like you run a higher risk of winding up with some unwanted pubic hair in your mouth, yuck! Eating your own head hair is an unpleasant enough experience... seeing pubic hair in the shower is just plain gross... a combination of the two? Ick!

And on that lovely note, I think I shall post this and see what you, dear readers, think of shaving. Do you do it? Do you like it when your partner does? Any interesting side stories?

Oral Communication

If you'll remember my post introducing the "month of sex" and soliciting idea, John commented with in idea for a topic: oral sex. He even included a funny story of his own, whereby "my mother in law told my wife’s cousin on her wedding day to remember that the mouth can be used for more than kissing/talking" ;-)

My favorite story is a little closer to home-- with my brother-in-law telling his future mother-in-law: "Your daughter likes it in the ear. Every time I try to stick it in her mouth, she turns her head!" Obviously she was unruffled by the comment, as she is now his mother-in-law and has been for many years.

What about you? What funny stories can you share?

While we're on the subject, a comment my friend Scot made on my previous blog entry made me pause and think. He said something to the effect of how only a person with the same equipment as you (i.e. of the same gender) would be able to fully understand how said equipment works/feels, and be able to give you the greatest pleasure (in this case, the best blowjob). Now, on the surface, this may be true, as it's only natural to best understand what you yourself are familiar with/have experience with. This holds true not just for sex, but just about any aspect of your life.

But I think it goes beyond that. If you've trained on the piano all your life, you're naturally going to be better at it than, say, the violin. But that doesn't mean you can't practice just as hard and become equally good on the violin, as well. Now, obviously, it's a little harder for a person to fully empathize with what it's like to possess the "equipment" of the opposite sex. But you can be "trained" in that, can't you? Because the fact is, even though two people of the same gender may possess the same equipment, in reality, no two people are alike. What one woman likes done between her legs is going to be different from what another woman likes. You just can't generalize.

This is where the key comes in: communication. I know it sounds so cliche, but its importance is just as paramount in the bedroom as it is elsewhere in the relationship. My husband may know what works best on his own body, but guess what? It's not so hard to put it into words and convey this information to me. I've learned what to do and what not to do, because we talk about it. We talk about it before sex, during sex or after sex-- there isn't any right or wrong time to discuss it, and it's mutually beneficial. I get to learn what works for my husband, and he gets to enjoy himself fully without wasting time/effort with me doing things that might not be pleasurable for him. The same goes the other way, too. Communication.

Some may view it as an ego thing-- they either don't like being told what to do (or being told that what they are doing doesn't feel good), or they're afraid of hurting the other person's feelings by saying "don't do that, try this". But again, communication in the bedroom is no different from communication outside it. If you're in a committed relationship, you're going to have to get over your trepidation of being honest with your partner (no matter what the topic, be it sex, money, family, etc), and just... open up! And if you don't tell your partner what you do/don't like, how are they ever going to know? How will they ever be able to give you the pleasure they want to?

Which brings me to another topic. They say it's better to give than to receive. I can personally vouch for that. A lot of women have hangups, to one degree or another, about oral sex. When it comes to giving, they don't really like to do it, or they think it's dirty, or maybe they don't actually mind but just see it as some chore they have to get out of the way before proceeding with intercourse. To those women, I gotta say-- you're missing out on a whole lot! Taking the right attitude and taking the time to get to know your man and what he likes will empower you and give you unexpected pleasure. There's nothing quite like working magic with your lips and tongue, tailored to your man's specific likes. It's such a turn on-- an not just for him. I can't imagine why it wouldn't be a turn-on to *give* someone pleasure. It's just as good as receiving it. I believe this holds true on the flip side, as well-- male readers, I'd love to hear from you! Which means that for women: just as it's important to communicate with your man and learn what he likes, it's important to likewise communicate your own likes and desires to him. No point lying there waiting and hoping his fingers/tongue will just happen to hit the right spots-- show him what those right spots are! I'm sure he'd appreciate the feedback, and derive just as much pleasure in pleasing you as you do receiving it. After all, he's not a mind-reader. History has, after all, proven that ;-)

I think I'll get off my soapbox now :-) I guess my bottom line is that being able and willing to freely communicate how exactly your body works to your partner is very important. And that giving pleasure, with genuine enthusiasm and passion, can be quite the turn on, even if you're not touching yourself simultaneously. It basically goes back to those "psychological factors" that Scot and I discussed on my previous blog post. Guess that just further proves that the brain is indeed the most powerful sex organ!

Do You Take It...

To start things off, I thought I'd share a hilarious little video, which served as the inspiration for my post and its title (NSFW, but then again, I would hope that if you're reading this, you already know it contains risque material ;-) )



If you've read my previous post, you've no doubted noted that one of the toys I talked about was a strapon. I thought I'd elaborate a little more on what I wrote then, and, while we're on the subject, talk about another, closely-related topic.

First off, buttsex.

Within the broad spectrum that the realm of sex and sexual activities encompass, it's the one big unifying factor between men and women. Let's face it-- the way we're built, women will never know what it's like to give, and men will never know what it's like to receive. Surgery notwithstanding, of course ;-P But men and women both have asses. Thus, we both know what it feels like to be touched there, and to take something up there.

Therefore, anal sex is one of the few acts that can truly be shared in a way that few others can be, a sensation that we both have in common, and that can be completely understood by both partners.

Obviously, I'm a big proponent of it ;-) But what was it like for me, personally?

Now, to be honest, my first experience was neither as earth-shattering nor as traumatic as it is for other women. It was more of a "hey, I haven't done this before, let's try it for the heck of it" moment. It wasn't much of a big deal (mostly because that whole episode itself kinda fizzled-- but that's another story), but just having done it and realizing that it didn't hurt and actually felt really nice played a big role in warming me further to the idea.

Since then, I've learned that the single key factor in a successful anal experience (at least, from the receiving point of view) is basic tender loving care. I have a friend who, for a long time, eschewed the idea of buttsex, wouldn't even consider it. Then she met a guy she really fell for, and though he never pushed her for it, she knew it was something he was interested in, and eventually found herself willing to give it a try, just because she loved him so much. To her surprise, she found that it wasn't as bad as she'd always feared.

Which is why I say-- once you've tried it, it opens up a whole new world for you. This is where women have an advantage-- they have one more hole than men in which to take it ;-) It's definitely a different sensation, but can be equally (if not more) pleasurable. And when it's done with the right person, it can be an absolutely amazing experience!

So what does all this have to do with strapons? I think you know by now. And if you don't, then you have a thing or two to learn about Helly and the way her mind works ;-)

It wasn't until I was talking to someone else about the post/the toy that I realized it might be miscontrued as using it on a girl. Umm... no. No, I was talking about role-reversal-- doing a guy from behind with a strapon ;-)

A strapon may just be a fake toy, but when I'm wearing it, it comes amazingly close to feeling like it's a real part of my body. When I first used one, I didn't expect to derive any pleasure out of it, I just expected to have a little fun "turning the tables" on my ex and letting him experience how much fun anal could be. To my utter surprise, I found that I could almost outright *feel* the sensations of going in and out. Obviously it was purely psychological, as there were no actual nerve endings connecting the dildo to my brain (although I supposed double-ended dildos try to make up for that). I think it's akin to the "phantom limb" phenomenon, whereby amputees feel pain or other sensations in their now-missing limbs. It was a most eye-opening experience, and I'm still blown away at how how realistic (and terrific!) it all felt from my end. Highly recommended, ladies-- what better way to add some real dimension to your sex life than by getting a feel for what it's like to be on the giving end? ;-)

Now, I can't speak from a guy's perspective, giving it-- so I'm actually kinda curious-- what's it like for a guy to give? What's the difference between one hole and the other?

Like, oh my god, I'm like, so gonna...

(Reposted and edited from my Myspace blog 4 years ago)

On New Year's Eve 2005 I joined some of my online friends in a multi-person voice conference over Yahoo. It was a lot of fun-- and since we were all adults in there, things got a bit, well, rowdy at times At one point I brought up a reference to preview clip to this porn movie featuring your stereotypical surfer dude and Valley girl. Some people got a good laugh out of it, others were mildly amused. Nobody was particularly shocked (or if they were, they sure hid their reaction well!), because most of the people there knew me well enough to know that, quite frankly, my innocent-looking pictures belie the profane mind underneath.

Since then, I've met more friends who have gotten to know this side of me, with mixed reactions (mostly positive, though. I guess just about everyone out there has a dirty mind-- some are just better at denying it than others ;-) )

Anyway, that original conversation (along with ensuing ones in the years after) got me thinking about people who have such hangups about porn. Mainly, I've never really understood people-- women, mostly-- who get jealous or judge their partners for looking at porn. I mean, I can understand if it got to the point of interfering with their normal lives-- that's addiction, and just like any addiction, it's a problem. And the problem lies with the addiction itself, not the substance. But so many women fail to understand that it can be a natural-- and fun!-- part of their sex lives, when used properly. I'd encourage most women to at least give it a chance. They're as much a "toy" as the conventional paraphernalia that comes to mind when we think of "adult toys" (like the stuff in my previous post). I'll be the first to admit that I've gotten some of my best ideas from adult movies. Sometimes it can be fun to watch with your partner and try out new things you see. And it has non-sexual value, too-- sometimes you can just kick back and enjoy a good laugh at some of the wackier things on the screen (or the incredibly poor acting).

Even if a woman has absolutely no interest in it, I don't understand why she would begrudge her partner his viewing it. If it's a normal, healthy relationship she shouldn't feel threatened by it. The only time I get "mad" at my husband for watching porn is if he comes across a really good clip he knows I'll like and doesn't share it with me ;-) But seriously-- just because a man watches it doesn't necessarily mean that he has no interest in his partner, or isn't attracted to her anymore. I wish more women would realize this and not be such sticks in the mud about it.

And in case you were wondering, the title of my blog entry stemmed from the Valley girl/surfer dude scene-- at the point of climax, the girl broke out in full Valley dialect, while the guy? There aren't any appropriate letters in the alphabet to express the garbled sounds he was making-- you just had to hear it. And see it. I thought he was having a seizure! See? Much comic value in unexpected places! :-D

(original post from Jan 5, 2006 (along with ensuing comment hilarity) is here: http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=28049135&blogId=74957761)