Birthday Fun

Last week I celebrated my 36th birthday. It's not exactly a milestone, unless you count the Chinese zodiac, in which case, yes-- after 36 years, it's cycled back to my sign, the year of the Snake :-)

But it was probably THE most fun I've ever had!

It started out on Thursday, the actual day OF my birthday, when, in keeping with office tradition, my co-workers broke out the cake and ice cream, and we hung out in the conference room, chatting, snacking, and relaxing for an hour.

The next day, Friday, I took the day off work so I could accompany Todd at "Grandparents/Special Guests Day" at his school. I'm extra glad I took the time to go, because the look on his face when he saw me arrive for the flag salute in the morning was priceless. He was soooo excited to lead me to his classroom and partake of the planned activities together.

All the special guests got to sit in the kids' seats, and together we worked on making "quilt squares" out of construction paper together. Each quilt square consisted of cutout traces of our hands, common personality traits, favorite Bible verse, and a picture of a favorite memory. Afterward, we enjoyed a mid-morning snack together and then watched the kids perform a musical they'd been working on all semester. Here are some shots of the day: me seated at a kid's desk, our quilt square, and Todd right after the performance:

Traits on common: Sense of Humor and Love of Animals. Favorite memory: Fun trips together: Strawberry Festival (hence the strawberry), California Adventure (hence the turtle) and Universal Studios (hence the Hollywood sign on the hills)

After the performance, we headed to UCSB for lunch. It was the start of Staff Appreciation Week on campus, and Friday was a chancellor's luncheon on the grass by the lagoon. I set up our picnic blanket and settled Todd in with a sack lunch while I got my food. As it just so happened, another, unrelated group had set up bouncy castles on the same lawn, so Todd got to play on some of them! I took a turn once, too, and quickly realized why these things are meant for kids :-P

A bouncy sparring ring, with Storke Tower in the background

After lunch, we headed home to change and pack up... for a hike! Since Allan was still battling a bad bout of the flu, and since the hot weather meant that the rest of our friends preferred the beach or staying home, Todd and I went by ourselves. It actually ended up working out great, even though we'd never hiked that trail before. Since it was such a hot day, we could take our time deviating from the trail at various points along the way, splashing in the San Ysidro Creek to cool off.

That ice cold water was refreshing! Too bad every bug in creation had the same idea-- we had to fight them for clear spots of water!

Though I was a little concerned with the fact that we would be hiking alone, the trail was pretty straightforward and easy to follow, and we encountered plenty of other hikers/runners along the way. We ended up spending so much time playing in the creek that we had to turn around after going less than 2 miles up the trail, as it was starting to get late!

That evening, after returning home and washing up, Todd and I went out for dinner at Denny's-- again, just the two of us.

Overall, Friday was probably one of the best and most enjoyable days I'd ever spent. It was great to be able to spend an entire day with my little boy, and do all kinds of fun things together, by ourselves. And since it just happened to be the day after my birthday, I considered it part of my birthday celebration with my son :-)

The next night, though, was the adult party :-) We hired a sitter, reserved a couple of tables at our favorite karaoke spot-- Old Town Tavern, brought in sandwiches and cake, and celebrated with 17 friends!

I had fun with my dance and singing partners, respectively (aka the "other men" in my life) :

Our party practically took over the whole place! While there were a handful of other people at the beginning of the night, by about 10-11pm most of them had vanished, leaving only our big group to sing, dance, and patronize the bar :-) What a blast!

Despite the fact that I'm apparently staring off into space in the above photo, I had a good time, honest! You can tell how much by the gamut that my facial expressions ran:

All in all, I'd say this was one of the best birthday celebrations I'd ever had. One day was spent entirely with my son, the other was spent in the company of good friends, with lots of fun and laughter. Completely different types of fun, but both left me feeling pretty cheered and satisfied by the end of the weekend :-)

Now... what to plan for that upcoming milestone of 40!

When the Boy's Away...

Since there is no school tomorrow, my parents picked Todd up from school today, to take him to their place for the rest of the week/weekend. So while it's only a few days "off" for us, it's the little things that make it enjoyable.

Like my being able to drive straight home from work, not having to go all the way to school to pick up Todd, and then back home again. Assuming I don't get stuck behind a dozen cars that have no idea how to handle a roundabout, the trip from my office to our front door (well, back door, technically) takes about 6 minutes. These days, that means actually being home *before* it gets fully dark!

Not having to make lunch for Todd the next day. This may seem like a small thing, and in reality the chore takes MAYBE 20 minutes at most, depending on what I'm preparing. But for some reason it's one of those chores that really grinds me down. I think it's because there is more mental effort than physical effort involved. I have to plan ahead for these things, and do things like cook extra rice for dinner so there's enough left over for the next day. It gets so wearisome that I excitedly jump for joy (yes, literally) on days when I don't have to prepare his lunch for the next day.

Watching TV earlier at night, and not having to worry about turning the sound down. I think that speaks for itself ;-)

Since Todd isn't dry at night yet, I've taken to getting him up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom (I'm usually up around 4-5am, myself, to use the bathroom, so I figured I'd just get him up while I was at it). Sometimes I don't time it right and he gets wet before I can get to him, so there's the added chore of changing the sheets. Even on nights when he remains dry all night, just being aware that I need to get him up is enough to interfere with my sleep and keep me alert enough to make sure I get up. Not the most conducive to a restful night's sleep!

So yeah... we're going to enjoy these next couple of days immensely. Not because we have some big plans, but because the little things really add up!

Physical Hangman

Hangman is a classic, simple word game. Yesterday, Todd decided to take it a step further and make it a physical, 3-dimensional game.

He assembled the various pieces with Legos: the gallows, the individual body parts of the unfortunate hanging victim, and the blank letter tiles for the word to be guessed. As I guessed correct letters, he assembled those letters out of Legos right then and there, and stuck them to the letter blanks. Here we are after one successful guess:

Empty gallows, a 5-letter word, and an "E" in the middle of it

After that, I managed to guess a succession of wrong answers in a row. Fortunately, I guessed the word before the man could be completely assembled. Whew! Just in the nick of time:

An almost complete (hanging) man, and the guessed puzzle: "Hello"

What a neat little twist on a classic pen-and-paper (or online, in this digital age!) game!

How to Defend Yourself Against (Much-Bigger) Hubby

My tall 6'8" freak of a husband stands a good foot taller than me and weighs at least 100 pounds more than me. As you can imagine, there is just no way I could ever be a match for him, physically. If he wanted to pin me down so he could tickle me, there's little I could do in the way of defending myself.

That is, if we're talking about brute strength alone.

So, since I can't match him, strength-wise, I resort to other ways to get the best of him. Here are my top three techniques, all of them remarkably effective:

1. My elbows. Apparently, I have sharp, pointy elbows, a swift blow from which knocks Allan down in pain, especially if I get him in the right spots: between the muscles (i.e. Charlie Horse) or between the ribs. Best of all, I hardly feel it, as my bony elbows don't exactly have a lot of nerves there ;-) These days, all I have to do is yell "Elbows of death!" and threaten him, waving flexed elbows in his general direction, and he immediately cries "Uncle!"

2. My hair. As I've often lamented before, it is so coarse and so thick and numerous that more often than not, it just gets in the way. As much as it bothers me to have my own hair get in the way, it bothers other people even more. So I've learned to put this nuisance to task. All I have to do is unclip my hair and throw it in Allan's face, and the result is such a huge amount of annoyance that he immediately lets go and gives in!

3. Tickles. I've learned all of Allan's ticklish spots. It's the usual: armpits and feet, mostly. And those he can easily keep out of reach. But one spot that isn't as easily hidden? His ears! It was actually his mother that told me about his ticklishness there, and I've taken advantage of that fact every chance I get! But only in self-defense, of course O:-)

What I like best about these techniques is that none of them require a significant amount of force. And isn't that the best way to overcome your nemesis, or at least allow an escape? Not brute force, but clever application of one or two effective little techniques ;-)

To Feed or Not To Feed

Did you know that the first week of every August is designated as National (or is it World?) Breastfeeding Awareness Week? I didn't-- until now. Hearing about it brought to mind a few breastfeeding-related topics that really get my goat.

First off, let me be clear that I definitely believe that "breast is best" (if for no other reason than it's more convenient and cost-effective!) and that women should be educated about their choices. What I DON'T believe, however, is that breastfeeding is a one-size-fits-all deal. Some women can't breastfeed. Some women choose not to. And what I don't believe in is shaming them for it. I believe a mother should be supported no matter what her choice.

Secondly, I draw a clear distinction between people who genuinely care about and lovingly support breastfeeding mothers, and those that would vilify any mother who chooses otherwise, guilt-tripping them for not breastfeeding. The latter group has truly earned the "boob Nazi" moniker.

There is an episode of "Law and Order: SVU" in which a new, young mother is brought to trial for the death of her newborn baby, who starved to death because she was unable to nurse him. Why didn't she feed him formula? Because she was so terrorized by the bullying lactation consultant, who convinced her that feeding him formula was the worst thing she could possibly do. Here was this new, young, inexperienced mother who believed the professional who should know better. Instead, the "professional" raged about how vile and awful formula was. Now, no question, breastmilk is superior to formula, but that doesn't make it poisonous! As the prosecutor said: "babies don't starve to death from it!"

I myself had a similar experience when Todd was born. I had incredible difficulty getting Todd to nurse, and the boob Nazi assigned to me was rude and brusque. She did nothing to help me feel better about being unable to nurse my child. She made me feel like it was MY fault, like I wasn't trying hard enough. And though she never outright said anything, I could feel her disapproval when I fed Todd a bottle. Sorry, but I'm not gonna let my baby starve! (as it turned out, I was able to get a supply going by pumping exclusively, so while Todd never nursed, he did drink expressed milk from a bottle for the first 6 months of his life. And while I would've loved to keep it up longer, I'm glad I was able to for that short period of time, and have no regrets about it).

And now, NYC Mayor Bloomberg wants hospitals to lock up formula, keeping track of bottles that are signed out, and forcing new mothers to endure a lecture every time they ask for a bottle. This is just another manifestation of the arrogant, brusque behavior I encountered with the nurse at my hospital. Women are made to feel like they are harming their babies by feeding them formula.

Given that breastfeeding fell out of favor not that long ago, I can understand (and totally support!) efforts to educate and support women in this endeavor.  What I DON'T understand is how treating women like idiots and shaming them into breastfeeding is supposed to encourage anyone to do so. For a myriad of reasons, breastfeeding can be a hard task for many. Most women (like me) who try and fail are already feeling bad that they can't breastfeed their babies, what they need is kindness and compassion and support, not judgment and condescension that only worsens the guilt. And even if formula feeding is a set, conscious choice from the get-go, that is no reason for shaming, either. Contrary to what boob Nazis would have you believe, formula DOES provide adequate nourishment for a growing baby, and as long as baby is healthy and loved, that's all that matters.

Another thing I take issue with are the reasons that boob Nazis give for support of breastfeeding. I will grant that yes, nutritionally and economically, breastmilk beats formula. But when they make formula out to be this evil, deadly potion, I'm really offended. Plenty of people (including me) have been raised exclusively on formula and turned out just fine. The worst part is when they use "statistics" to illustrate how much worse off (physically and mentally) children raised on formula are compared to their breastfed counterparts. Not only is much of this data skewed, misleading or outright false, but it lays needless blame on mothers for not "trying hard enough" to do what's "best" for their child. Unless you've walked a mile in that mother's shoes, you have absolutely NO right to dictate what is best for her and her baby.

Yet another "advantage" that boob Nazis tout about breastfeeding is the close "bonding" between mother and child. I'm sorry, but that is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard. Does this mean fathers can't bond with their babies? What about adoptive parents? Or the mother who had a double mastectomy long before the baby was born? True bonding comes from the act of closely holding, loving, and caring for the child-- and this can take place whether the feeding is done by bottle or by breast.

As you've probably surmised, this is a bit of a touchy topic for me. I understand what it's like to try so hard at doing my best for my baby, only to be made to feel like an inadequate, incompetent mother for not nursing him, for supplementing with formula, for not going longer than 6 months, etc... I have boob Nazi Facebook friends who post statuses and links to articles that they believe are supposed to educate women about the benefits of breastfeeding, but really only serve to guilt-trip those who don't.

Parents make a myriad of choices when it comes to raising their children. Every situation is unique. Everyone has their own individual set of challenges to overcome. So why is what/how they feed their babies anyone's business but their own? Barring outright abuse or neglect, there is no one right or wrong way to do thing. Why, then, are parents being shown anything but support, love and compassion for their choices?

To Skip or to Hold Back

I was reading an article about a proposal in the UK to raise the school starting (kindergarten) age from 5 to 6. Now, I realize that the British and American educational systems are disparate enough that relating this to our country is akin to comparing apples to oranges. But the basic premise behind this proposal still stands-- are children starting school at too young an age? This article followed on the heels of another one I'd also read this morning-- To Skip a Grade or Hold a Child Back?

In a nutshell, I believe the answer is really "it depends". Depends on the child, depends on his school, depends on the parents, depends on the resources available. And ultimately, I would like to think that this sort of decision is based on the child's best interest: i.e. his/her readiness for it, both socially and academically. I thought this was a no-brainer.

Silly me.

As I started reading the comments on the British article, I was appalled by how many people related stories of friends/family/acquaintances who held their children back not because the kids weren't ready, but because they wanted their kids to be the oldest/biggest in their class, thereby giving them an edge in sports.

WTF!? THAT is your priority!? That has nothing to do with the child's best interests and everything to do with a parent's ego and selfish pride. I cannot fathom that there are parents out there who would willingly hamper a child's education for the sole reason that they want the kid to be bigger than his classmates!? Are they raising bullies or something?? Mind-boggling.

Besides, being the biggest in your class isn't always a good thing. Hubby went through school at the normal ages, but during his freshman year of high school, he was already 6'4" (i.e. the size of a senior, even taller), despite being only 14. First day of sophomore year, someone asks him, in all seriousness, "What are YOU still doing here!?" This also explains why, all throughout high school, people would speak more sloowwwly and more LOUDLY to him ;-)

My own son started kindergarten at age 4, simply because he was ready for it. Not just academically, but, more importantly, socially. We were fortunate enough to find a local private school that had absolutely no qualms about taking on early starters. Turns out-- he wasn't even the only 4-year-old in the class! He's now in 4th grade, and really blossoming, growing socially while making new friends of all ages-- from 1st graders through 5th graders.

On the other hand, one of Todd's preschool classmates actually started kindergarten late-- at age 6 instead of 5. His mother felt that he was not ready for kindergarten, either socially or academically, and I believe she made the right decision. Had she forced him into kindergarten at the prescribed age, he probably would've either been too frustrated or too disruptive-- affecting not only himself, but his classmates. For him, being held back a year was the correct choice, and he seems to be thriving in school now.

Two completely different decisions made on the basis of the exact same thing: what's best for the kid right now? And that's the way it should be. I'm still shaking my head at this "I'll hold my kid back so he'll be bigger" mentality, because that's NOT in the kid's best interest! Sigh... humanity. I worry about it often.

Only One

When couples get married, it usually isn't long before they start getting pestered with the "when are you having kids?" question. And when they eventually have a kid, their respite is brief. It isn't long before they're peppered with the next question: "when are you having another one?"

Well, for us it's pretty much always been straightforward: never. And when Todd was 4 years old, we sealed the deal. So unless the highly-experienced urologist didn't do his job correctly, this is it for us.

Don't get me wrong-- we considered it when Todd was younger. And even now, I sometimes get pangs of wishing that Todd had a playmate near his own age, so that he doesn't always have to substitute stuffed animals for friends. Case in point, a recent morning when I awoke to find Todd in the midst of a riveting Monopoly game with a skunk, a dog and an octopus:

Poor kid!

But we realized early on that one was going to be enough for us. A two-working-parent-home is hard enough, and we have a LOT of help from my parents! What other parents get to foist off their kid on the grandparents for 3-4 months out of the year? I couldn't imagine how we'd handle more than one kid.

Not to mention that this kid is a handful. I've slowly come to realize that compared to a lot of other kids out there, he's relatively mellow, and I should be grateful. But he's still a whirlwind on his own. Everyone seems to think he's this nice, pleasant, obedient kid, but no, he's got everyone fooled :-P I firmly believe that the reason little kids seem to have boundless energy is because they suck it all up, through the air, from surrounding grownups, i.e. their parents. This explains why a kid will be jumping up and down at bedtime while Mom and Dad can barely lift themselves off the couch to get him TO bed.

And finally, kids are EXPENSIVE! I've done some figuring, and he costs us about $1500-$2000 a month. Can you imagine a second set of such expenses!? We'd be driven to the poorhouse in no time! :-P I mean, okay, yes, the large majority of that expense comes from his school and his extracurriculars, but honestly? He's really blossoming and thriving where he is, something he wouldn't do in a school with a larger class size. So... it's worth the money. But it also leaves us cautious about watching our resources, and a second child would only upset that balance.

Besides, I always maintain that while Allan only has one child, I am a single mother of two boys. Why would I want to deal with a third one? ;-)

My Little Family

Earlier this week, as I was preparing my Thanksgiving post (come on-- with NaBloPoMo occurring in November, the holidays during this month-- Veteran's Day and Thanksgiving-- more or less provide freebies in terms of blog topics for those days!) I went into my blog archives to see what I'd previously written about the holiday, so I wouldn't repeat myself unnecessarily.

One of the posts talked about Thanksgiving 2009, which is the only time we broke away from the tradition of getting together with Allan's family at his sister's house. In the post, I wrote about how the "little Knight family" stayed home and had a small celebration. As I re-read the post, I smiled at the "little family" designation. We do have a little family. It's just the 3 of us. Even the extended family is quite small-- Todd may have 5 grandparents, but he only has one aunt and uncle. And no first cousins. At least, not human ones ;-)

We inevitably get the "are you having more kids?" question. I will admit that the thought still crosses my mind once in a while, especially when it's obvious that my little boy longs for someone his age to play with. But we're done, and our family shall remain little.

It's quite cozy, actually. With a 3-bedroom house, each family members gets their own room. It's fun to be able to all crowd into the big bed and have a snuggle-in. It's comparatively quiet and peaceful at home. Emphasis on "comparative", because there is nothing quiet or peaceful about a rambunctious, active 7-year-old boy!!

I like my little family. I like that it's so little. It feels very compact and efficient, and though the amount of energy and money it takes to raise one single little boy never ceases to amaze me, I like it this way. Just the three of us. Just the right size! :-)

The Little Things

You know how they say that it's the little things in life that you really appreciate? Well, I didn't really understand that until I got older (read: busier, especially due to a kid).

What are some of the little things that make me happy?

Knowing that I don't have to make my son's lunch for the next day. I would have to say that this tops the list. Silvergreens delivers lunch to Todd's school some days of the week, and I usually order at least one meal a week from them. I keep the monthly at-a-glance calendar on the fridge for easy reference, and I literally (yes, literally!) jump for joy and do a little happy dance when I look at the calendar and see that lunch is being delivered tomorrow. Especially on days when I'm especially frazzled already. I later discovered that I wasn't the only parent who does this happy dance, so I'm glad there are others out there who understand :-)

Being able to go to bed early. Todd isn't yet dry at night, so I usually have to stay up until at least 11:00pm in order to haul him out of bed and make sure he goes to the bathroom, before diapering him and putting him back to bed for the rest of the night. Of course, by the time that chore is done, I'm wide awake and will take time to settle back down to enough sleepiness to climb into bed-- and by then it's already midnight. So when he's out of town (as he is this week), I can take full advantage of going to bed as early as I like, without any worries!

Enjoying holidays that most private companies do not. Veteran's Day a couple weeks ago is a prime example. You see, when I left Citrix, I exchanged 16 days of PTO per year for 10 days of vacation per year at UCSB. However, sick days are counted separately from bona fide vacation days, and I get 12 of those every year. So, for true vacation days, it about evens out, time-wise. Plus the added bonus of 3 extra holidays that places like Citrix don't observe. It's kind of nice knowing you have a day off when everyone else has to work :-D

Unexpected free food at work. At Citrix this was a little more prevalent than it is here (and I'm not talking about the regular things like Bagel Wednesdays and free snacks/drinks perpetually available). Nothing is quite as nice as wondering what you're going to do for lunch, and getting ready to shell out some $$ to eat at the cafe, only to discover leftovers from a lunchtime meeting in the kitchen. But you have to act fast! Those things disappear fast! Here, a co-worker will occasionally bring in baked goods, which makes a nice breakfast treat, but that's really about it.

How about you? What are the little things in life that bring you enjoyment and pleasure?

Fair is fair!

Weekend flew by, as it always done when I'm at my parents' house. It also left me with very little to blog about, so I'll leave you with this little Todd-ism:

Todd played with his Legos this morning, spreading them all out on the living room floor. I asked him to clean it up before we ate lunch, and as he started picking up the pieces, my dad walked in. Todd said something in Chinese to him, and my dad sat down and helped him tidy up. I guessed that he had asked Opa to help him clean up, so I jokingly chided him:

"For shame! Asking Opa to help you clean up your toys!"

To which he replied:

"Well yeah! Because he played with the Legos, too!"

My mom and I cracked up, which earned a disapproving look from Todd. He looked up at us and said, in his sternest voice: "I don't see anything funny about this!"

Which, of course, only made it worse! :-D

Short Saturday

Short post today, as I'm currently in LA, dropping off the little man for his week-long Thanksgiving break. This is the first time he's ever had a whole week off for Thanksgiving. Of course, we go back to LA next Thursday to celebrate Thanksgiving, and are bringing him back that following Friday, so we really only get about 3-4 full days off without him. But hey-- a break is a break, right? And then it won't be long until the 2-week winter break.

Obviously, we enjoy school breaks because it gives us a change of pace in our routine. We get a break from parenthood, Todd gets to enjoy a different place full of different things not available in SB (like cable TV and twice as many toys) and gets to spend time with his grandparents. My parents get to see their grandson, though he's such a handful that I'm sure that by break's end they are ready for him to leave! ;-)

I also enjoy my trips back and forth to LA, picking him up and dropping him off, because it gives me a chance to do some shopping in places that simply don't exist in Santa Barbara. Here we are, city in paradise, population nearly 100K, and we have no bona-fide dollar store (I'm talking big chains like 99 Cents Only or Dollar Tree), there is no Wal-Mart, no Target, no JC Penney, no major discount grocery store (such as Food4Less), and, now that the big box bookstores have packed up, no more Borders or B&N. All we have is one rinky-dink K-Mart that USED to tout itself as a "Big" K-Mart (ha!), and where prices for an item are higher than the what the exact same item would cost at a faraway Wal-Mart or Target.

Even our Home Depot and OSH are pretty tiny, and have slim offerings compared to Lowe's (which we don't have) and Home Depots elsewhere. It can get a bit discouraging, not being able to find what you need!

So going down to LA, where such stores (and the corresponding savings they bring!) are abundant, is a great opportunity for me to stock up on things we need, and save money doing so. Off I go to get some household goods now!

Bits and Pieces

So, it's been nearly 2 months since my last post. A flurry of activity has kept me pretty busy lately, so I thought I'd jot down a bit of a summary of each here.

The House
As you know from my previous post, we bought a house! Escrow closed at the end of April, and we've been busy getting it the way we like. We pulled out all the carpets, put in new carpet in the bedrooms, and laid down laminate flooring in the living and dining rooms. That was an arduous task, as our house is full of odd angles and corners-- so there was a lot of precise measurement and careful cutting.

We got a new big-screen LED TV and that is internet capable, so we're enjoying watching Hulu and Netflix shows on it, in its full HD glory!

I've taken plenty of "before" pictures of the house the day we got the keys from our agent, but I'm waiting for Allan to finish spackling the baseboards before I take the "after" pictures. Plus, I still have to organize my bookshelves and unpack one last box :-)

Nightlife
April was a busy month, karaoke-wise! My friends and I explored all sorts of venues around town, and went at practically the rate of once a week. You know you're going very often when the DJs start recognizing you and even remember your name! I've got another post coming on karaoke DJs, but I'll save that for later. Suffice it to say that we've been having a great time, and that I've decided that (for me, anyway), drinking and karaoke do not go together! I look forward to more frequent trips this summer :-)

Now that summer vacation has begun (i.e. Todd is in LA with my parents), Allan and I have started exploring some of the places around SB to eat and hang out. We've found the Bak Dor, which is a nice little dive bar with an awesome jukebox selection and friendly regulars. We've also tried out the Alcazar Tapas Bar, which is expensive-- but all the tapas places in SB are.

My goals for the summer are two-fold: hit every venue that offers karaoke (every single night of the week, 7 days, there are at least 2 venues doing karaoke) and explore some of the lesser-known bars around town. Looking at my list, we've actually hit about half of the available karaoke venues, and already favorites are forming ;-)

Drive-In
We got to take Todd to the drive-in theater for the very first time! Rio was playing one week, and we decided to catch it one Saturday. We packed snacks and blankets and headed down to the drive-in. What a blast! I really enjoyed being able to put up my feet on the dashboard and relax, and it was great to allow Todd to bounce around and laugh and make noise in the back seat without fear of bothering other patrons. Little kids have to let loose all that energy, right?

My only gripe was with the inconsiderate SUV drivers in the row in front of us-- almost all of them left their back doors open so they could sit outside behind their vehicles and watch the movie. This, of course, meant that the bottom part of the screen was blocked from view. Now that we're familiar with the layout, we know to park in the front row this time.

School
Todd's school let out for the summer early. It wound up closing, which is a bummer, but I guess we'd been expecting it. The economy has hit many people hard, and private schools (especially smaller ones like Todd's) are no exception. We're hopeful that they succeed in opening a preschool, which should provide some good revenue for re-opening the school in a year or two. In the meantime, we're on the hunt for another school for Todd to begin in the fall.

That about sums up the past couple of months. Busy with the house, busy with family, busy with friends. Aside from the house-- it's business as usual, basically :-) And what have you been up to, dear readers?

Happy Thanksgiving

This is going to be pretty cliche, as *everybody* writes "what are you thankful for?" types of posts on their blogs and on Facebook this time of year. But in the general spirit of things, I thought I might as well follow suit. Here are a few things I am thankful for:

1. Living in paradise. Year round mild weather that rarely ever gets too hot or too cold. Plenty of sunshine (June gloom aside), and close proximity to both beaches and mountains.

2. Having a good job that pays enough to be able to live in said paradise. I know that some jobs do not. I'm especially thankful that my job is flexible enough that I can work from home when Todd is sick, or bring him to the office with me after school some days.

3. A comfortable and sturdy roof over my head, hot and clean running water, and a warm bed to sleep in. When you hear of the plight of so many of the world's poor, it really puts things in perspective.

4. A husband who is my best friend. We get along in so many aspects of our lives, from our hobbies to our attitudes about the important things in life. And where we don't agree, the disagreement is actually complementary. Very harmonious :-)

5. A happy, healthy child. As with the roof over my head, when I hear of children suffering, whether it's due to starvation in a third world country or abuse/neglect in this country, it breaks my heart.

6. Having the fortune and privilege of living in a country where true freedom is known. Where gender and racial inequalities, while still not perfectly addressed, are not nearly as prevalent as in other countries. Where you are truly free to pursue your dreams and be what you wish to be.

7. The Internet! :-D What better, faster way to keep in touch with friends all over the country; all over the world!?

8. God. For all the blessings, some of which are listed above, I've received. Thank you.

How about you? What are you thankful for?

Accents

Accents are a fascinating thing. They are most apparent when non-native speakers learn a new language. Not having grown up with the nuances of pronunciation, their way of pronouncing things is inevitably different from that of native speakers.

More fascinating are the regional differences within one single country with one main language. Like the United States and its variations of English pronunciation according to various native residents' accents.

Then there is me. Like most Asian kids of my generation, our parents were born and raised in an Asian country, and we grew up in the US (whether we were born here or immigrated here at a very young age). As a result, households are often a mish-mash of accents, with the parents speaking accented English and the kids speaking perfect American English. I'm sure that's true of all immigrant families, not just Asians.

When I was about 8 years old, my school held a speech contest. My mother and I worked on my speech, and I spent countless hours practicing its delivery. I distinctly remember my mom emphasizing my pronunciation (and enunciation) during our practice sessions. Even though she herself couldn't speak with an American accent, she could detect it and note when something didn't sound right. Consequently, I adopted an American accent and since then, I've had 2 accents: the one I share with my parents, and the American one for everyone else. A bit of an oddity, to be sure, but I bounce between the two "worlds" with relative ease.

Here's where it gets interesting. This past summer, my cousin, his wife and their daughter (same age as Todd) came to visit us. Allan, Todd and I rented a van and took them to some of the sights like Sea World and Universal Studios. We had a great time, and they enjoyed meeting Todd and Allan (I had already met them 2 years earlier, when we went to Indonesia). After they returned home, my mom, somewhat amused, relayed something they had told her: they had an easier time understanding Allan than they did me! My mom even agreed with their assessment, telling me that she'd always noticed that I seemed to roll my "R"s more heavily than most Americans-- something she has mentioned occasionally before. I was puzzled, because I couldn't detect anything unusual with my own accent. And probably most Americans wouldn't either, but I guess to people for whom English is not their native language, it's more readily apparent.

Until now. What's changed now? Todd started talking more and more. Listening to him, I realized that he rolled his "R"s more strongly than most Americans. Clearly he picked that up from me. I now understood what my mom was talking about.

So I started wondering why I spoke the way I did. And I think it's a byproduct of my tongue overcompensating for not speaking with my parents' accent in public. I liken it to deep cuts-- when your body heals and generates new skin, it overcompensates and creates more skin than originally was there. And so, in an effort to "correct" my accent, I overcorrected. It makes even more sense when you think of it in the context of what makes my American accent distinct (and difficult for foreigners to follow, apparently): the "R". Asians are notorious for being unable to pronounce this letter. My parents less so because their native language does contain an "R" sound, but it's flatter. It's less trilling than the German "R" sound, and less rolling than the American "R" sound. So perhaps one of the ways I changed my accent was to attack the way I rolled my tongue to make the right "R" sound... only between German and English, I somehow attacked it with a little too much fervor ;-)

I had never thought of this before-- well, why would I, when I was never aware of what I was doing in the first place? But now I've got a little mimic to mirror the way I've been talking back at me.

Fascinating, isn't it-- the way people adapt and adjust and compensate. Sometimes it's not enough, sometimes it's too much, and sometimes... sometimes it's just right :-)

All Turtles go to Heaven

One of the requirements of this school year is to do 4 book reports, with the books chosen from a list his teacher has provided. Some of the titles are old classics I enjoyed as a child, such as the book he did his first report on, Little House in the Big Woods. But most are new to me, so I've been checking them out of the library and pre-screening them. Some of the choices were from the "Fudge" series by Judy Blume. I figured I would start with the first one, "Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing". The copy I got featured an adorable drawing of a little turtle on the cover, which, of course, won me over:



The story was amusing enough, and if you haven't read it as a child, it's basically told from the point of view of 9-year-old Peter and his (mis)adventures with his lively, rambunctious, naughty little brother, Fudge (age 2), who gets into all sorts of trouble. At the end of the story, Fudge's mishap consists of swallowing Peter's little turtle. Despite this, he suffers no ill effects and crows with happiness and pride at this feat. Hope against all hope, but it takes a couple days for the turtle to pass through Fudge's system, and of course it doesn't come out alive :-( Peter did get a dog to "replace" the turtle, and he named it Turtle, to remember his original pet by. Still, the ending made me sad and frustrated enough to put the book back down on the dining table and decide not to give it to Todd to read for a book report.

Now, on weekend mornings, Todd typically awakens before us, so the night before, I set out things for him-- his breakfast, his robe, some books to read on the couch with a blanket, and instructions on what to do. Today was the same-- except that instead of getting a book from the coffee table by the couch, Todd spied "Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing" as he sat at the dining table, eating. So he picked it up and began to read it. By the time I got out of bed, he was about 2/3 of the way through it. I held my breath and wondered what would happen once he got to the end, knowing how much he loves turtles and how cute he thought the turtle on the cover was (I think that's what caught his attention). Well, here's what transpired:

"Oh, I don't believe it!" he said.

"What?" I inquired.

"I don't believe Fudge swallowed the turtle", he replied, not so much an exclamation as a declaration.

When I asked him why, he elaborated further: "if he really did swallow it, he'd be sad and sick!"

"Who? Fudge or the turtle?" I wanted to clarify.

"Fudge! Fudge would be sad and sick, but he's happy. The turtle would just be... dead!"

Todd said this so matter-of-factly, as if he were presenting simple, hard evidence in front of a court:
If a boy swallowed a turtle, he'd be sick. Fudge is not sick. Ergo, he could not have swallowed the turtle.
I have to admit, it made sense, but that only heightened my sense of dread as he approached the pages that confirmed the outcome.

My dread was for naught, though, because he finished the book, shut it, and told me in that same straightforward manner: "A dog named Turtle! That's cute!" He was even amused at the idea. Slightly encouraged, I asked him if he wanted to use that book for his next book report. He thought for a moment before vetoing the idea. Naturally, I asked why-- was it because he didn't like the story? His reply?

"Oh, I liked the story. But I think the rest of my class will cry".

Awww. I haven't decided if he really does think it will make others sad, or if that's just his way of projecting his own feelings about the story without having to admit that it made HIM sad. Either way... time to find another book for the next book report!

Brief weekend recap

Day 14 of NaBloPoMo, almost halfway through! Weekends in LA really don't leave me a whole lot to write about. I can only imagine how much worse it will be on Thanksgiving weekend :-P

Since Todd got Veteran's Day off school, he spent a nice long weekend at my parents' house. He came down with some sort of stomach bug on Wednesday, so the timing we pretty good. I headed down there on Saturday to take him to his dentist appointment (needed a filling). Then today he came down with a fever again :-( I returned to SB with the quietest, most sluggish Todd I'd ever seen. Usually, even when he's sick, he's got quite a bit of energy, but today he did nothing but go from vegging in the car seat to vegging on the sofa, watching TV. That's highly unusual for Todd, so he MUST have been feeling really poorly. We'll see what the morning brings.

While he was away, I spent some time catching up online karaoke. Because Myspace is being a bitch lately (especially since they no longer seem to allow non-members to view recordings), I decided to bite the bullet and try a membership on Singsnap. That entailed one of the shittiest user experiences I've ever encountered (on Paypal)-- more on that in a later rant on this blog. Anyway, so far so good on the Singsnap membership, even the duet feature works much more smoothly than Myspace's. Only got a few recent recordings up, but here they are: http://www.singsnap.com/snap/profile/recordings/b019ddb

Meanwhile, I've been whiling away more time catching up on damnyouautocorrect.com, which still never fails to produce literal laughs out loud. My ultimate favorite, however, is still this one:

http://damnyouautocorrect.com/15/god-is-the-big-vagina/

:-D

Daylight Saving Woes

Just a few random tidbits as I get ready to turn in for the night :-)

Daylight Saving Time ending-- whose bright idea was THAT!? While enjoying an extra hour is nice, it's not worth it for six months of darkness. I mean, seriously-- for the next several months, before you even leave work at 5pm, it's already going to be dark out. That's pretty depressing-- to leave work and have it feel like it's already nighttime. Oh sure-- it's now light out at 5am instead of 6am, but I guarantee you that far more people are awake to enjoy daylight at 5pm than at 5am. So what gives? The days are already shorter as is with the advent of wintertime, so why not leave well enough alone? Add to it the fact that not all states switch between Standard and DST, and you've got some nice confusion going there :-P

******

I tried my hand at trimming my hair tonight. Wasn't a whole lot, just about a half inch to get rid of most of the split ends. I'm not sure I notice a major visible difference in my hair, but at least it still looks pretty even so far. We'll see what happens when I wash my hair tomorrow-- usually after my hair dries is when the difference between the damaged hair and healthy hair is most noticeable. This was the first time I ever trimmed any of my hair besides my bangs. It was a bit of an adventure, trying to make sure I got it all evenly, but I think the whole endeavor was enough of a success that I feel confident about doing so again regularly.

******

Speaking of trimming hair-- Allan is growing out a goatee. When we first met well over 7 years ago, he was already sporting one. He shaved it not long before we got married, and hasn't had facial hair (besides 3-or-4-day-old stubble) since then. We thought it would be fun to experiment and see what he looks like with one again, especially now that he has a lot more gray hair on both his head and in his beard ;-)

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Why is it so hard to find a nice pair of plain white knee socks? I went to K-mart and Ross today, and came up empty-handed. All K-Mart had were the sheer stocking-type of knee-highs, and all Ross had were knee socks in different colors/patterns, mostly argyle. While they were cute, I'm really set on finding a white pair for my Halloween costume next year. I picked out a costume for myself and for Todd for next year. Gotta love the deep markdowns on holiday merchandise immediately following the holiday. I just hope that Todd doesn't change his mind between now and then :-P

******

All week I've been working with Todd on a poster for his book report on Monday. We got to break out his box of 64 crayons. Is it me or is there nothing quite so delightful as a nice big box of Crayolas? Who can resist the urge to take them out and start coloring? (I did wind up making a picture of my own-- watch for an upcoming Project 365 entry showcasing it) And am I the only one who likes to take out every variation of a particular color and test them out against each other before settling on the perfect shade for a particular coloring need? I tell ya-- I had a field day when it came to helping Todd select browns for the picture of the horses and wagon :-D

******

Well, since DST doesn't warrant a clock fall-back for another couple hours, it'll be too late for me to take advantage of the "extra hour" and have more time to post this before Saturday officially ends, so I'd better wrap it up now. Good night!

"Love Your Neighbor"-- that's all to it

A few weeks ago, our pastor did a sermon on love: the way you love God is to love people. 1 John 4:20-21 best sums it up:

If anyone says "I love God", yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother. (NIV)


It's a pretty straightforward verse, isn't it? And it basically sums up the core of what I believe about Christianity, the core of everything Jesus taught. Moses came down the mountain with 10 commandments, but Jesus reduced it to the most important: Love God (and in doing so, love your neighbor). Everything else follows from there. Seems simple, doesn't it? How on earth this basic message got twisted into the kind of fundamentalist rhetoric we associate modern-day "Christians" with today is baffling.

Allan and I had lunch with our friend Matt today, and wound up having a really interesting conversation on this concept: who are we, as mere, fallible humans, to decide what is and what is not sinful? Even the word "sin" itself carries such negative connotations that we really *shouldn't* be any position to tell anyone whether or not they are sinning. Instead of focusing on that, why not take a different approach when deciding whether an action is right or not? Simply examine it under a lens of love.

Matt gives a great example (which I'm paraphrasing and expanding on):

Is drinking alcohol a sin? By itself? No. But if I'm with a friend who is an alcoholic and susceptible to falling off the wagon if I drink around him, then my taking a drink now becomes an act of selfishness that winds up hurting my friend. That is not love. Or if I drink to excess, damaging my health, I am hurting myself. That is not love. Or if I drink irresponsibly and get behind the wheel, I wind up hurting an innocent pedestrian. That is not love.

This same lens can be applied to just about everything in life, including the current debates (and theme of my last couple of blog posts) about homosexuality.

I believe that any question that is asked (usually in a context of decrying it) of homosexual relationships can also be asked of heterosexual relationships. Just substitute the first few letters, and the issues are identical. If it is harmful and destructive in one, it is harmful and destructive in the other, and so is not love. The gender of the partner you're in a relationship with is irrelevant.

- If I bounced from one unhealthy, meaningless relationship to another, I'm hurting myself (and potentially the other person), regardless of whether it's a man or woman.
- If I had multiple sex partners to fill some sort of empty void in my life, it's destructive behavior whether I'm sleeping with a man or a woman.
- If I cheat on my husband, it's devastating to him regardless of whether my lover was male or female.
- And if I'm in a loving and committed relationship with someone who is my partner in all life endeavors, through thick and thin, in sickness and in health-- that sort of relationship IS healthy and IS about love. Whether it's heterosexual or homosexual.

I'd like to conclude with something Pastor Paul Raushenbush wrote at the end of his book, "Teen Spirit: One World, Many Paths", in answer to a person questioning which religion is "right":

"I stick with my core belief that God is love and that anything that is of love is of God. That's a good test for (people) of different faiths: Does their religion promote love? Hinduism (for example), believes in a supreme God and calls upon all people to revere and love all forms of life. For me, this passes the test."

To me, that's all there really is to it. Does it promote love? Or does it harm someone, whether it's yourself or others, physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually? That is the question.  Everything else just naturally stems from the answer to that question. Love God, love your neighbor. Can't have one without the other.

Won't Somebody Please Think of the Children!?

A friend on Facebook posted a link to this blog, which has apparently been making the internet rounds. Before reading on, have a gander:

http://nerdyapplebottom.com/2010/11/02/my-son-is-gay/

Back yet? Or did you skip the link? If you did-- oh go on, click it!

Too lazy or link-phobic? Fine, here's the synopsis: when the author-- whose 5-year-old son dressed as Daphne from Scooby Doo-- dropped her son off at their Christian preschool, she was met with horrified looks and backward attitudes from some of the so-called Christian mothers. This blog post was her defiant response against ignorant and bigoted attitudes toward people who don't fit the "norm", whatever that may be, and I enjoyed reading it.

I could really relate to the things she was saying. I bristle when my own mother expresses concern about Todd's choice of playthings-- that boys should be playing with trucks or Legos or other "boy-like" things, not cuddling with stuffed animals the way I did (and still do :-D). Todd does indeed favor the stereotypical "masculine" toys, but even if he didn't-- what's the big deal? If my son enjoys building things, I'll buy him toys that exercise that interest. And if he grew up to be the type of boy who wanted to wear makeup, I would teach him how to put it on properly, same as I would a daughter that age. Why all these gender-specific hangups?

When Proposition 8 was on the ballot here in California, I remember having more than one heated discussion (to put it mildly) with my mother about it. I was shocked to learn that my normally rational, critical mom had bought into much of the anti-gay rhetoric fueling support for the passing of Prop 8. Her highlighted point?

Think of Todd.

Ahem.

To which I respond: I AM!

I don't want him to grow up in a world where he could be treated as a second-class citizen because of his sexual orientation. As the recent teen suicides evidence, this world can still be a harsh and ugly place for someone who doesn't fit the majority "norm". And I want to do everything I can to try to make that world a *better* place for my son, not be a part of enacting laws that make it *worse*.

I think most sane, rational people would agree on the patent ridiculousness of the idea that a 5-year-old boy choosing to dress up as a female character for Halloween indicates that he's abnormal or will "become" gay. I think it would be a ridiculous notion even if that boy were 15 or 25 instead of 5. So I applaud that mother for having a sane and healthy attitude toward her son. If only more parents and influential adults treated children with that sort of love, respect, and thoughtfulness, the world would have a whole lot more healthy, happy, well-adjusted kids.

And isn't that a *good* thing to have?

Still alive!

It's been over a month since I've posted anything on here, and I feel like I've got lots to say (most of the time, I'll read or hear something somewhere, like a sermon in church, or a random Twitter post, that will inspire a train of thought I want to jot down). But by the time I actually find some time to sit down and write anything, the mood is gone, and my mind is once again a blank slate.

So I thought I'd warm up with another boring, bland "catch up on my life" post.

Obviously, the last exciting thing to happen was the Tech Retreat, which I wrote about in my previous blog post. Since then...

Todd returned to SB the last week of September, throwing us back into our routine of things. So far he's enjoying second grade. Since he's back with us, I instituted a rule at home: no electronic devices on (computers, iPad) until after Todd goes to bed. Which is 9:00 pm. It's amazing how much time you can reclaim in the day without any computers on. It leaves us the full evening to spend our time with Todd, working on homework and other things. And you know what happened? After a few days of this, I discovered I'd weaned myself off the computer fairly well. Once I did turn it on, I didn't find much to hold my interest. I read a few blogs, caught up on email and Facebook, and that was it. No interest in watching any of my myriad of streaming Netflix shows or playing games. I was more interested in leaving the desk to do other things-- like actually make it to bed early, or read a book, or play the piano.

Yup, you read that right. We bought an electric piano keyboard-- a Casio Privia PX-130, with matching stand and piano bench. The weighted keys are almost as realistic as real piano keys and the sound is very clean and crisp. The fact that you can plug in headphones makes it perfect for our apartment living situation. Todd had started learning piano over the summer,  so we decided it would be good to continue it now that he's back in SB. As for me, it's been 13 years since I even *touched* a piano, so I've been having fun getting myself reacquainted with it, practicing finger exercises and relearning songs I'd long since forgotten. Amazingly, my fingers still seemed to retain a memory of some of the songs I'd learned and played so often so long ago, so relearning the notes went faster than I thought. And now that I'm an adult and actually playing because I *want* to, it's actually a fun and relaxing way to spend the evening.

In mid-October I managed to get several friends together for a trip to Old Town Tavern for some karaoke. Wednesday nights are the perfect night for it, as it's virtually empty from 7:30pm till about 10:00pm, allowing each of us to get several songs in. This time I managed to get in 9 songs, including a couple of duets with Nick and a round of "Barbie Girl" with AJ. Apparently my friends and I have been there often enough for the DJ to recognize us, for after Nick and I did our first duet together and were leaving the stage, the DJ told me to get back up there, whereupon he put on Abba's "Waterloo". Evidently I've sung that song more than a couple of times during previous karaoke trips, and he remembered! :-)

Last Friday we held a fundraiser dinner for Todd's school-- it was a 50s/60s themed rock 'n' roll party. Allan and I invited several of our friends from church, most of whom have babies just under a year old. We hired nannies from a local nanny service to come to our house and watch the 3 babies plus Todd.
I dressed up in typical sock hop garb, made mostly of clothes I already owned. I did buy a skirt at K-Mart-- $2 for a perfect-length polka dot skirt that I can still reuse for other events. And Craft Essentials was the perfect place to find some really cute ribbons for my hair. Now I have a Halloween costume all set for next week :-) Two of our friends, Matt and Erin, dressed in matching 60s hippie garb, and actually won a prize for best dressed couple! Yay!

The fundraiser dinner was a blast. There was a silent auction, raffle, no-host bar and root beer float station for additional fundraising, and the highlight of the evening was the band-- Captain Cardiac and the Coronaries, an oldies tribute band. The dance floor was packed! What an evening :-) I hope the fundraising was equally successful to the amount of fun everyone had, especially some of the older guests, for whom this scene was pure nostalgia.

For now, though... back to the daily routine of work, school, and household chores. No complaints, though-- there is beauty in a set routine :-)