How To Be German

One of the long-standing jokes amongst our circle of friends is that Allan is more Asian than I am, and I am more European (specifically, German) than he is. He likes Asian cuisine, while my idea of "Asian" is Panda Express.  And I favor meat-and-potatoes type dishes, anyway. He can eat with chopsticks, a feat I have not yet accomplished. I speak German in addition to English, he only speaks English. In other words, I am a Twinkie and he is an egg ;-)

Yesterday my friend Nick shared this article (by way of our friend Ulf) with me: http://venturevillage.eu/how-to-be-german-part-1

I about fell out of my chair laughing at each point, because not only did I wholeheartedly agree, but I could totally relate! Some of my favorites:

(you should be sleeping in a double bed made up of two single mattresses and two single duvets). What it lacks in nocturnal romance, it more than makes up for in practicality... 
Long before Allan and I got separate beds, we had already gotten separate comforters. There was no other way around it, because of our different temperature tolerances. Either he would have been too hot, or I would have been too cold. In keeping with Americans' penchant for luxury and excess, however, we did not get two twin mattresses pushed together. Instead, we got two double beds pushed together, creating the effect of one really gigantic bed. So I can totally related to the practicality of this.

Doesn't it look like one really HUGE bed?

21. Eat German "bread"This and the note on German breakfasts made my mouth water. I remembered the spread of fresh baked bread with butter, a variety of meats and cheeses, as well as sweet spreads like honey and fruit preserves. Oh man. If I had time to eat proper breakfasts in the morning before work, and if I could have access to steaming hot, fresh, Broetchen, I'd be in heaven.

...start accepting the three central tenets of Germanism. The three P’s. Planning, Preparation, Process.
as well as:
Make spreadsheets, charts and lists.
and best of all:
Just because they call it spontaneity, doesn’t mean it can’t be scheduled.

Hee hee. All I can say is: spreadsheets, anyone? ;-)

The language part had me rolling, as well. I won't even copy and paste my favorite parts here, it would consist of most of that section! Suffice it to say that I agree that English can be difficult to pronounce (more exceptions than rules), but relatively easy, grammar-wise. It's the opposite with German: easy to pronounce (just a few rules to follow and you're set), but incredibly difficult grammar, mostly because of the 3 different gender articles.

Germans fear any beverage that doesn’t fizz... Related to this is Apfelsaftschorle.
Truer words were never spoken. Apfelschorle, if you don't know, is apple juice mixed with carbonated water. To me, it's gross. I remember all too well the difficulty I had, trying to order a drink in a German restaurant. There was no such thing as non-carbonated water, and you didn't want to drink the stuff out of the tap. I always had to ask for juice, and even then I had to make sure to emphasize that I wanted JUICE, not Schorle. 

Here, meat is the linchpin of every meal. Being a vegetarian here is probably about as much fun as being blind at the zoo.
I don't think I need to expound on this. All my previous posts about our trips to Brummi's should evidence this well enough. 

19. Do Nothing on Sundays.
This reminds me of when I first came back to the US after serving my 4-year active duty stint in Mannheim with the Army. It was about 10:30pm on a Sunday night, and my mom needed groceries. So we hopped in the car and hit the local supermarket. It was a bit of reverse culture shock. I was not used to anything being open both late at night AND on a Sunday to boot! It was kind of nice knowing that you had at least one "day of rest" every week. Workaholic Americans could take a cue from the Germans in this regard!

There was more in that article (and the subequent parts 2 and 3) that I found hilarious, but these are just the highlights of my absolute favorites. I think Nick can attest to the fact that I was IMing him with a "LOL, OMG, soooo true" reaction at each new paragraph ;-)

So go on and read it. Have a laugh. And see how much you agree :-D