Things You Do When You've Been Married Too Long

Tonight we had a small group of friends over and got a chance to introduce them to the game of "Things".  It's one of those games that can go downhill real fast, and how much fun it is depends on how much in the gutter your friends' minds can go. The deeper the better :-)

Basically, during each round, one person reads off a topic card, for example "Things you shouldn't say to your grandmother", everyone submits an anonymous answer, and then everyone goes around, taking turns trying to guess who answered what. As you can imagine, responses can run the gamut from the very tame to the downright obscene, and hilarity always ensues.

One other phenomenon that occasionally occurs is when more than one person submits the exact same answer. It really brings to mind the old "Great minds think alike... and so do ours!" adage.

Well, tonight proved that when you've been together as long as Allan and I have (and really, 9.5 years isn't really that long, compared to other people!) you start thinking alike.

There were a couple of rounds where we both gave somewhat similar answers. But then! Then came a round towards the end, where the topic was: "Things you've paid too much for".

Our answers? See for yourself:

No... our answers weren't similar. They were downright IDENTICAL.

This really does prove that we've been married too long. Not only did we give the exact same answer, but we both apparently felt that we'd paid some exorbitantly high prices in order to be married to each other ;-)

On Tithing

I thought I'd start this post with a bit of Halloween-related funny, brought to you by Eugene Cho, a pastor in SF whom I follow on Twitter:

Hmm, I wonder who raided her son's bulging, overweight sack of candy before leaving for work this morning... *whistles innocently*  ;-)

Seriously, though, where did this concept of "10%" even come about, in the first place? I'll admit that I have not read through the entire Bible from cover to cover, but I'd be willing to wager that it doesn't dictate an exact figure. We've been attending our church for 4.5 years, and while we give regularly to it, we do not subscribe to any notions of adhering strictly to a man-made percentage.

Now, what I do believe in, regardless of exact figures or rules about net vs. gross income, is in using the income you are blessed to receive, to help others in need. Isn't that the original purpose of tithing?

We have a friend/co-worker who has fairly liberal beliefs, and while most churches are too confining for someone like him, his actions are often more Christian than almost anyone else I know. He applies the true intent of tithing. He does not (necessarily) give to a particular church. He makes micro-loans on Kiva. He donates to clean water projects. His causes focus on the plight of people truly in need, mostly in other, poorer countries, and that's where he tithes. If that is not the spirit of Jesus's command to "love one another", I don't know what is.

I think too often we get caught up in the rules and regulations of religion, and lose sight of what's really, ultimately important: Love God and love one another. And I don't believe that you have to count out 10% of your income, to the penny, and give it all to your church, in order to express that love. Unless, of course, that's what you feel called to do. I believe that that sort of giving should be done in a true spirit of charity and love, and not out of obligation to follow some arbitrary, man-made rules.

Our own pastor summed it up best during a group class once. When the topic of tithing came up, one guy posed exactly the sort of situation my co-worker is already in. He has some favorite causes he would like to donate to. Should he give 10% to the church and then those causes on top of it? Or can those causes count as part of that 10%?

Pastor's reply? "That's between you and God."

Amen!

Halloween Recap

Another year of NaBloPoMo begins! Unlike previous years, I am not starting the month out with a post about our anniversary. After all, there is only so much that can be said about it, right? ;-)

This year I thought I'd start out with a recap of Halloween festivities, and showcase some photos, most of which were taken with our brand new DSLR camera.

First up, the costumes. I recycled my 50's girl costume idea from 2010, but did not reuse many of the same clothing elements. Check my Project 365 blog post here to see what I wore last year.

Contrast that to this year's costume, where I cut a poodle shape out of felt and glued it on to my skirt. And yes, there are real petticoats underneath the skirt!

This year, Todd dressed as an Army soldier. Yes, I know the rank is upside down on both his helmet and his vest. Maybe that's the way it has to be, for a costume?

This year, we did something we've never done before: decorated the house! I bought some window decorations from the local seasonal Halloween store, and Todd drew and cut out additional Halloween-themed pictures. I also strung up lights along our deck railing. The reason I chose to decorate this year was because I wanted to attract more trick-or-treaters. We live in a community whose residents are mostly senior citizens, so there is always a dearth of kids out and about. It's such a treat to get the rare little kid coming to our door. It must have paid off, because I think we doubled the number of kids that came by (and by "doubled" I mean we went from 6 to 12 ;-P)

Here's a shot of the front of our house (excuse the wash-out from the bright porch light)

You'll note a couple of jack-o-lanterns, as well. That's another first this year: carving pumpkins! Todd visited the local pumpkin patch with our church's youth group a few weeks ago, and brought home a couple of pumpkins. He and Daddy immediately set about designing, drawing, and carving their own pumpkins.

Here is Todd, hard at work:

And here are the final results: one pumpkin pi and one happy jack-o-lantern!

 

Doesn't pumpkin pi look really pretty, glowing in the dark?

 

And doesn't Todd's pumpkin look especially friendly? He sat at the door, greeting the trick-or-treaters as they arrived. I think the square nose made him look especially benign and friendly.

What of the festivities?

Well, as I mentioned earlier, Todd took a trip to the pumpkin patch a few weeks ago. The weekend before Halloween, he attended "Boo at the Zoo" at the Santa Barbara Zoo. Here he is, resting in the grass and enjoying some candy:

On Halloween itself, he got to go trick-or-treating with our youth pastor, who, being his usual wacky self, decided to throw a little twist into the event by going door-to-door and singing Christmas carols. Hey-- you can't say they didn't earn their candy! ;-)

As for me, I participated in the campus's staff costume contest, and actually won a runner-up prize for "cutest" category. And our department held our annual mini-pumpkin decorating contest (where the only limitation is that you can only use items/supplies in the office). Here is my royal pumpkin, relaxing regally on his throne:

How was your Halloween?

Karaoke Ring of Death: Boy Bands!

They say that there is strength in numbers. I certainly find this to be true of karaoke. Bringing a friend or two up on stage with you is a great way to break the ice and jump into karaoke without feeling too self-conscious. Whenever I want to do a song I'm not 100% confident about, I try to rope in a friend. Having company on stage emboldens me! Plus it can just be plain FUN. Even if it's a song I would be confident enough to do alone, I can get into wackier antics on stage if I have someone there with me, either leading the way or egging me on. And that's the whole point of karaoke, isn't it-- to just get up and have fun!

So, it is with great pleasure that I get to host one KROD video featuring TWO singers, Kanriah and Tabitha, as they belt out N'Sync's "Tearin' Up My Heart". I think it's just as much fun to watch them play around and have fun with the performance, as it is to listen to them.

To see my video, you can head on over to Tabitha's blog: http://thelizardspockexpansion.blogspot.ca/2012/10/boy-bands-are-back-baby-october-krod.html

And now, enjoy this month's "boy bands" themed video!



And as always, the master list can be found here: http://karaokeringofdeath.wordpress.com/2012/10/31/boy-bands-are-back/

Washing Delicates... With a Salad Spinner!

Although I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a busty girl myself, I enjoy reading Busty Girl Comics, a fun blog which laments the trials and perks of a busty girl. I think reading it really drives home the old adage that the grass is greener on the other side.

One problem that is universal to women, regardless of cup size, is the ability to easily and affordably find good-fitting bras. I think this is especially problematic for women who are at either end of the spectrum-- either really small-chested, or really well-endowed. So when I chance upon the rare bra that is a combination of good fit AND good price, I snatch it up and hold dear to it :-)

But then comes the inevitable time when the bra must be washed. What's the use of a well-fitting bra if it's funky and gross, right? Yuck. However, I had seen what washers can do to the regular bras (i.e. the cheap, basic kind with no underwire, no padding, and no molding) I used to wear before I had Todd, and there was no way I was ruining my new, hard-to-find bras in a similar fashion! There is hand-washing, but how do you wring out something with underwire and padding, without ruining it? Leaving a sopping garment to dry isn't ideal, either, especially when I live in a climate that doesn't normally get hot and dry. If it's gonna take days for something to dry, it's likely gonna be just as funky with mildew in the end. Double yuck.

Enter BGC, and a post where someone suggested using a salad spinner to wash bras. I had never even HEARD of a salad spinner until then, but when I did a bit of research and found that it was simply a centrifuge device, I grew excited.

I found a cheap, basic, hand-cranked model at K-Mart for $15. It's small, and it's not fancy, but it looked like it would get the job done. It came with a clear outer bowl, a spinning strainer, and a lid with a hand crank to spin said strainer.

The first thing I actually washed was not my bra, but an errant school uniform shirt of Todd's that had somehow missed its weekly trip to the washer on laundry day. So I hand-washed it and gave the spinner a test drive with his shirt. Worked pretty well! It was actually kinda fun to see the water spray against the outer container, build up, and then drip toward the bottom. It gave a good visual gauge for how much water was being squeezed out.

Next, I gathered up a couple bras that were long overdue for a washing, and soaked them in warm water and mild baby soap. Washed them gently by hand, and then rinsed the soap out as best as I could. In went sopping wet bras, and after much spinning, out came damp-but-not-soaking-wet garments! I hung them up and they were dry by the next day.

I was thrilled to see that such a simple device worked so remarkably effectively at wringing out delicates.

The big test came a few days later, when Allan washed one of his hand-wash-only Hawaiian shirts. An XL men's shirt is not exactly a small garment the way a child's shirt or a woman's bra is. I wondered if it would fit in that tiny contraption. But it did! And it worked just as well at wringing it out!

Probably the only downside to this whole deal is the fact that I got a hand-cranked model, which is definitely more labor-intensive. There are other models that feature a pull-cord or a button very much like the button pump used for a child's spinning top. But I figure-- this kind of crank is less likely to break or go wrong in the future (a pull-cord just seems so fragile!), so a little extra manual labor is well worth having a product that will last a long time.

So there you have it. A simple, efficient, cost-effective way to wash your delicates.  If you give it a try, I hope it works as well for you as it is for me! :-)

Kick Up Your Heels!

I have two left feet. I don't really have a sense of rhythm.  "Graceful" is not in my vocabulary, but "lanky" and "awkward" are. I generally shy away from the dance floor and have been known to step on toes even when doing the completely generic hug-like slow dance. Let's not even think about dances that involve the minutest levels of choreography and set moves. Forget it!

Despite all that, in April of this year, I finally ventured out to the Creekside with my friend Tabitha for country night. While I had visited the Creekside several times for karaoke, I'd never been there for line dancing before. It sounded fun and interesting. 
We met up at 7:00pm for the lesson, and it happened to be a two-step (i.e. partner) dance. For someone with two left feet and ZERO experience with dance of any kind, let alone country dancing, this was not a very good introduction to the art. It didn't really help that my partner, whom I knew as a karaoke regular, wasn't too familiar with the dance they were teaching us either, but was also too stubborn to pick it up properly. He preferred to sort of do his own thing and wing it, which is fine if you know what you're doing, but was NOT helping me, the novice, learn! Anyway, after the lesson, I spent the remainder of the evening out in the sidelines, watching everyone else dance and have a good time. Not quite how I envisioned the evening!

After that, I vowed not to return to the Creekside until I'd had some formal lessons under my belt. When summer arrived and Todd went off to LA, I signed up for line dance lessons through our local parks and recreation program. The teacher was good, the pace was just right, and those lessons helped a LOT. Most importantly, I picked up a lot of dance basics, which helped enormously when it came to learning new dances. Though the six-week session only taught me about 6-7 dances, I had obtained enough of a basic groundwork to learn new dances on my own (i.e. through YouTube videos and written step sheets) from there.

When I finally returned to the Creekside, I discovered something else: since newer dances/moves were now easier to pick up, the muscle memory was faster in developing. And since my footwork could just go on autopilot, I was free to let my mind relax a bit, not focusing on every last step, and just enjoy the music. Next thing I knew, I started finding a bit of rhythm and actually moving more fluidly with the music. I mean, I'm sure I'm still pretty awkward and there are still numerous times when I just don't KNOW what to do with my arms, but at least the bottom half of me is moving appropriately and in sync. That's half the battle ;-)

Now that I'm a bit more comfortable with line dancing, my next pursuit is the two-step. Last week, the local dance center where I took my line dance lessons had an open house, where all its classes were free to try. I decided to try my hand at the two-step, both the beginner and the intermediate classes. Both really kicked my butt, because it was an entirely different game! With line dancing, the only person I had to worry about was myself: focusing on my own feet and getting the moves and the rhythm right. If I messed up, I only needed a moment to adjust and get back into the groove before continuing. But with a partner, I now had to be mindful of not only doing the moves correctly, but doing them correctly in sync with someone who probably prefers not to have his toes stepped on all the time ;-P It was quite a learning experience, and having a good partner certainly helps, but unfortunately, now that the summer's over, it's really hard to commit to a series of lessons. Someday soon, hopefully!

Oh, and one last added bonus? It's really good exercise! My last couple of trips to the Creekside left me tired and sweaty and achy and catching my breath... but it felt good! Fun AND health all rolled into one... can't beat that! ;-)

Karaoke Ring of Death goes Country: Yee-haw!

August's KROD got off to a bit of a late start because we had so few participants, we decided to wait a few days to encourage other people to participate. I guess that didn't really help much, and I'm a little disappointed because this month's theme is country music! My favorite genre! I was out of town during the voting process, but when I returned, I was excited to see that it had been voted as the theme this month, and couldn't wait to get started. The only problem was-- there were soooo many good ones, I had a hard time choosing! I ended up recording 3 of them in one day and then spent the next couple days waffling back and forth until I finally settled on one (with hubby's help).

You can see which one I ended up choosing, on Sandy's blog:

http://sandywessel.blogspot.com/2012/09/krod-is-going-country-little-late.html

In the meantime, here is Edwin of My Adult Brain, with a good ol' classic, "On the Road Again", with plenty of visual road time!


KROD August: On te road again from Edwin Schippers on Vimeo.

Will you go out with me?

Today's post is brought to you by plinky.com. The answer prompt for today is:

What did you feel when you first asked someone out on a date?

I actually remember this very clearly. It was the fall of 1995, and we were coming up on one of our annual ROTC military balls at UCLA. I had a bit of a crush on one of the cadets who was a year ahead of me, and after much persuasion by some friends (also fellow cadets) who were aware of this crush, I mustered up every last ounce of courage I could find to dial his number (which I got off the class roster, of course) and ask if he wanted to accompany me to the ball. I didn't do the dial-and-hangup spiel that you often hear of, but I did pick up the phone and hang it up a few times before even dialing. I was THAT nervous.

Anyway, I got him on the line, and asked if he wanted to go to the ball with me. Bless his heart, he tried to let me down as gently as possible. He said he was only popping in for an hour and then going right back home to study for his LSAT. It was a totally plausible excuse-- we all knew he really did have the LSAT coming up in the next week or two. At the end he tried to temper the refusal by saying "maybe next year!" It made me feel a little less embarrassed, at least.

But after I got off the phone, I realized that what he said made no sense-- he was a senior, so there would BE no "next year" for him to be around for another military ball. He wasn't just saying that he didn't want to be my date for the ball, he was saying he wasn't interested in going out on ANY dates, period! Talk about embarrassing!

After this experience, I vowed NEVER to ask a guy out on a date again, at least not so obviously. It was more nerve-wracking than it needed to be, and I feel like I got a glimpse into what it must be like for guys, on whom the onus to do the asking is much greater. I definitely sympathize! 17 years later, I can still vividly recall how my stomach was in knots, how nervous I must have sounded, how disappointed I felt when he said "no", and how embarrassed I felt now that he knew I liked him. Not something I ever want to relive!

Why is dating so complicated??

Seattle Trip 2012

Earlier this month, Allan went up to the Citrix branch in Redmond on business for 3 weeks, and I decided to join him in the middle of that trip, for a week. I managed to hit absolutely perfect weather-- before I arrived, it was warm but cloudy, after I left, temperatures soared in the muggy 90s, but during my stay, it was sunny and warm.

The adventure began with my flight-- we were delayed for an hour because they had to kick a passenger out just before takeoff. I don't know exactly what happened, but the flight attendant came up to me, asked if I was traveling alone, and wondered if I would be willing to switch seats. There was a little boy (not much older than Todd) traveling alone, and they were concerned about the guy sitting next to him, didn't feel comfortable with him there. As it turns out, the switch was unnecessary, as they ejected the passenger from the plane in the end. I'm still not 100% sure what happened, but based on chatter I heard around the flight attendants afterward, I'm guessing the guy was uncooperative (possibly drunk/high), and likely swearing at the flight staff. Anyway, we all made it to Seattle without incident!

Day 1 in Washington started with a frantic hunt for shoes-- I'd forgotten to pack my flip flops! You see, I'd sent most of my clothes and shoes over with Allan in his checked luggage, so I wouldn't have to pay extra to check my own bag in. Evidently I'd forgotten that I did not pack my flip flops with Allan! Luckily I found a perfect pair at DSW, and after lunch, made my way to the Seattle Center. One of my first stops? The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation visitor center. It was actually pretty inspiring to see how they supported various humanitarian causes. As much as people like to rag on Microsoft, I'm pretty impressed with the Gates' philanthropy.

Next stop was the Space Needle, and while I waited in the line, the sun came out, affording me a mostly sunny view of Seattle. I got a few panoramic shots of the city, and although it was beautiful, it wasn't as impressive as I'd expected. I was also expecting to ride in a fully glass elevator, but was disappointed that it was just a plain elevator with a few small windows.

Here's a non-panoramic shot of part of the city around Lake Union. The V-shaped buildings in the foreground constitute the Gates Foundation:

After battling horrendous traffic (reminiscent of LA!) to return to Redmond for dinner, Allan and I came back to visit the Space Needle at night. The night views were very pretty, but unfortunately, none of my panoramic shots came out clearly. Nighttime shots are hard!

Day 2 was spent lounging around at the hotel, grocery shopping, doing laundry, reading, napping, and swimming in the indoor pool. Pretty noneventful, but it's nice to recharge the batteries. We had dinner at Moghul Palace, a delicious Indian restaurant. The best part of dinner was the homemade coconut-almond ice cream. Normally I'm not a fan of coconut, but this stuff was to die for! The owners could turn a nice profit if they opened up an ice cream parlor and served that! ;-)

Day 3 was my big day of stuff in downtown Seattle. I got up early, had a hearty breakfast, and made it to Pike Place Market in time for cheaper early bird parking. I joined one of the historical market tours and got to see/learn a lot, from the Japanese heritage of the market before WWII, to the disgusting-yet-fascinating Gum Wall, to walking on cobblestone made out of building rubble from the San Francisco Earthquake. Afterward, I slowly meandered around downtown, stopping by the Seattle Public Library (what a unique piece of architecture!) and finally, the Columbia Center, where I took a few elevators to the Observation Deck on the 73rd floor. And wow.

Let me tell you-- if you only see one sight in Seattle, the Columbia Tower is it. It sits higher up than the Space Needle, and offered some absolutely magnificent views of the city, far better than what you get at the Space Needle. Better yet, it was cheaper, quieter, and less crowded. It didn't offer full 360-degree views (more like 270 degrees), but what you did get was amazing just the same.

Here is a view facing north (see the Space Needle in the distance?)

A view of the harbor:

And a view of Lake Washington with the floating bridge:

Afterward, I enjoyed a light lunch of piroshki, a delightful Russian pastry filled with chicken, cabbage, and mushroom. Recharged with food in my belly, I made my way down to Pioneer Square, to catch the Underground Tour. Now that was an adventure! Walking around the underbelly of the city, hearing about the history of how Seattle came to be, seeing the ruins of the lives and shops that use to bustle at that level, long ago, learning about what life was like back then. For example, the crappers had to be raised on platforms to avoid getting propelled off your seat by the sewage backwash at high tide. This toilet is actually raised about 3-4 feet off the ground:

And these purple "mosaic tiles" on the sidewalk? Are actually skylights to illuminate the spaces down below. 

 After that, I decided to head down to the waterfront. I had planned to visit Elliott's Oyster House for happy hour, but when I got there, the waitlist for happy hour was already 20 persons long, so I decided to skip it. I wandered around the waterfront a little bit, and then walked up the steps of Pike St to get back to the parking garage. Halfway up the steps, I spied a sign for a gelato shop. I was hungry, since I didn't get to eat at happy hour as anticipated. So I ducked inside. Unfortunately, the shop was closed, but when I turned around, I was greeted with the entrance to what turned out to be my ABSOLUTE favorite Seattle attraction: the Seattle Bug Safari, which contained a live bug zoo! I read the list of critters housed behind the closed doors of the zoo, and when I saw that it contained several tarantulas, I was sold. I bought a ticket and entered the museum that was about the size of my living room. And I was not disappointed. Here's a collage of some of the critters I was able to get decent shots of:

Day 4 started off with a drive to Portland, where, after a delicious lunch at the Doug Fir Lounge, we made our way to Salem to visit Allan's cousin.

Day 5 began with waiting in line at the famed Voodoo Doughnut. I must say, I was not very impressed. For the amount of time we had to wait, I was expecting a spectacular donut. Instead, the only noteworthy thing about the place was its unique menu, featuring items such as the "Cock n Balls", which I was originally going to get, but discovered it was too huge (heh). So I settled on the "Gay Bar":

The frosting was too much and overall made the thing so sweet my teeth hurt. Literally. The dough was nothing to write home about-- a bit on the dry side, not soft and moist like a donut should be. Well, at least now I can say I've been to Voodoo Doughnuts. Next time I'm skipping the lines and going for Krispy Kreme :-P

We visited Powell's book store and made off with some really good finds before heading out to visit our friend Chris, who grew up in Santa Barbara and had recently bought a home in Portland.

Day 6: back in Seattle, and I took the morning to explore the Half Price Books near our hotel in Redmond. Between that and Powell's, I had quite a cache of books and DVDs! So I found a post office and mailed them to myself, knowing that we couldn't carry all that stuff back in our luggage. Media Mail is a sweet deal-- cost me $6 to mail 10.5 pounds of books back to SB, and because California was so close to Washington, it took less than a week to arrive.

In the afternoon, I took the bus to downtown Seattle again and hopped onto one of the Argosy Cruises tour boats, enjoying a 1-hour circle around Elliott Bay while we enjoyed views of the city skyline, nearby islands, and the harbor.

Allan drove down after work, and we met up with an old high school classmate of mine, Phil, for happy hour/dinner at the Tap House Grill. Phil, who's lived in Seattle for the past decade, had been really instrumental in providing tons of great advice on what to see, where to go, and where to eat during my stay here.

The next day, I returned home. I enjoyed my stay in Seattle, enjoyed the sights, even got to enjoy the weather! But as our plane approached SBA, I was reminded again of why I was glad to be back home: where else can you live with mountains on one side, ocean on the other, perfect Mediterranean climate, and a beautiful wharf and harbor of our own? Ah... it's good to be home :-)

p.s. Full set of pictures here: https://picasaweb.google.com/103173517017548034300/Seattle2012?authuser=0&feat=directlink

To Feed or Not To Feed

Did you know that the first week of every August is designated as National (or is it World?) Breastfeeding Awareness Week? I didn't-- until now. Hearing about it brought to mind a few breastfeeding-related topics that really get my goat.

First off, let me be clear that I definitely believe that "breast is best" (if for no other reason than it's more convenient and cost-effective!) and that women should be educated about their choices. What I DON'T believe, however, is that breastfeeding is a one-size-fits-all deal. Some women can't breastfeed. Some women choose not to. And what I don't believe in is shaming them for it. I believe a mother should be supported no matter what her choice.

Secondly, I draw a clear distinction between people who genuinely care about and lovingly support breastfeeding mothers, and those that would vilify any mother who chooses otherwise, guilt-tripping them for not breastfeeding. The latter group has truly earned the "boob Nazi" moniker.

There is an episode of "Law and Order: SVU" in which a new, young mother is brought to trial for the death of her newborn baby, who starved to death because she was unable to nurse him. Why didn't she feed him formula? Because she was so terrorized by the bullying lactation consultant, who convinced her that feeding him formula was the worst thing she could possibly do. Here was this new, young, inexperienced mother who believed the professional who should know better. Instead, the "professional" raged about how vile and awful formula was. Now, no question, breastmilk is superior to formula, but that doesn't make it poisonous! As the prosecutor said: "babies don't starve to death from it!"

I myself had a similar experience when Todd was born. I had incredible difficulty getting Todd to nurse, and the boob Nazi assigned to me was rude and brusque. She did nothing to help me feel better about being unable to nurse my child. She made me feel like it was MY fault, like I wasn't trying hard enough. And though she never outright said anything, I could feel her disapproval when I fed Todd a bottle. Sorry, but I'm not gonna let my baby starve! (as it turned out, I was able to get a supply going by pumping exclusively, so while Todd never nursed, he did drink expressed milk from a bottle for the first 6 months of his life. And while I would've loved to keep it up longer, I'm glad I was able to for that short period of time, and have no regrets about it).

And now, NYC Mayor Bloomberg wants hospitals to lock up formula, keeping track of bottles that are signed out, and forcing new mothers to endure a lecture every time they ask for a bottle. This is just another manifestation of the arrogant, brusque behavior I encountered with the nurse at my hospital. Women are made to feel like they are harming their babies by feeding them formula.

Given that breastfeeding fell out of favor not that long ago, I can understand (and totally support!) efforts to educate and support women in this endeavor.  What I DON'T understand is how treating women like idiots and shaming them into breastfeeding is supposed to encourage anyone to do so. For a myriad of reasons, breastfeeding can be a hard task for many. Most women (like me) who try and fail are already feeling bad that they can't breastfeed their babies, what they need is kindness and compassion and support, not judgment and condescension that only worsens the guilt. And even if formula feeding is a set, conscious choice from the get-go, that is no reason for shaming, either. Contrary to what boob Nazis would have you believe, formula DOES provide adequate nourishment for a growing baby, and as long as baby is healthy and loved, that's all that matters.

Another thing I take issue with are the reasons that boob Nazis give for support of breastfeeding. I will grant that yes, nutritionally and economically, breastmilk beats formula. But when they make formula out to be this evil, deadly potion, I'm really offended. Plenty of people (including me) have been raised exclusively on formula and turned out just fine. The worst part is when they use "statistics" to illustrate how much worse off (physically and mentally) children raised on formula are compared to their breastfed counterparts. Not only is much of this data skewed, misleading or outright false, but it lays needless blame on mothers for not "trying hard enough" to do what's "best" for their child. Unless you've walked a mile in that mother's shoes, you have absolutely NO right to dictate what is best for her and her baby.

Yet another "advantage" that boob Nazis tout about breastfeeding is the close "bonding" between mother and child. I'm sorry, but that is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard. Does this mean fathers can't bond with their babies? What about adoptive parents? Or the mother who had a double mastectomy long before the baby was born? True bonding comes from the act of closely holding, loving, and caring for the child-- and this can take place whether the feeding is done by bottle or by breast.

As you've probably surmised, this is a bit of a touchy topic for me. I understand what it's like to try so hard at doing my best for my baby, only to be made to feel like an inadequate, incompetent mother for not nursing him, for supplementing with formula, for not going longer than 6 months, etc... I have boob Nazi Facebook friends who post statuses and links to articles that they believe are supposed to educate women about the benefits of breastfeeding, but really only serve to guilt-trip those who don't.

Parents make a myriad of choices when it comes to raising their children. Every situation is unique. Everyone has their own individual set of challenges to overcome. So why is what/how they feed their babies anyone's business but their own? Barring outright abuse or neglect, there is no one right or wrong way to do thing. Why, then, are parents being shown anything but support, love and compassion for their choices?

No Joking Matter

There is a saying that nothing reveals a man's character so clearly as the joke he tells. There is a lot of truth to that. My ex-boyfriend used to joke that a woman's place was "in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant". Of course he'd immediately defend himself with "it's just a joke! I was only kidding!" but the truth is, he WAS the chauvinistic, sexist type. Maybe not in huge, obvious degrees like your stereotypical chauvinist who insists on speaking to a man when calling tech support. But it was there, subtly, and his so-called joke belied the true attitude beneath a veneer of civility.

Recently, the Twitter-sphere (Twitter-verse?) exploded with this activity:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/turtlefeed/nbc-voice-celebrity-brags-about-killing-turtle-on-ruc

Basically, country singer Blake Shelton tweeted that he'd intentionally swerved on a road to run over a turtle. I knew when I first read it that it wasn't true, but it was a horrible, tasteless "joke" just the same. I was outraged over it, as were many others who wondered if it was true or not.

After getting lambasted by enough people, he didn't simply set the record straight. That would've been nice, and an apology would've been icing on the cake. But no. Instead, he chose to outright INSULT the very people who were responding with concern. Calling them names, acting very flippant and arrogant. The flames were then fanned further when his fans jumped into the fray, joining in the name-calling and threatening to intentionally harm turtles.

I think that's what really turned me off to Blake Shelton. His original "joke" was in poor taste to begin with, and already bad enough. But insulting those who voice concern? Was just way over the top, totally uncalled for, and indicative of a really heartless, shallow, arrogant character. I mean, geez-- is it so hard to either ignore your detractors, or address them somewhat professionally? Must you call them "dipshit" and have the nerve to accuse them of blowing things out of proportion when you're the one fueling the fire? I'm not a huge fan of his music (though there were a few songs I liked), and this is just one more reason why I'll never be a fan.

There are many things in the world that are great fodder for jokes. Politics, Allan, TV shows, the Kardashians... but some things you just don't joke about: rape, domestic violence, cruelly harming innocent critters... and especially when you're in the public eye.

Shame on you, Blake Shelton. Not just for your terrible joke, but for the callous attitude that followed. Cover it up as a "joke" all you want, shift the blame back to the protesters all you want, but all this really says something about you, and about your character. I sure hope you treat your wife better...

Karaoke Ring of Death: Non-native artists

This month's theme was "non-native artists", in other words, songs by artists that are from a country other than your own. It could be in another language, but didn't have to be. For us Americans, that opens up a whole host of possibilities of English-speaking artists from Canada, which is exactly what Jes from Jes Getting Started did.

Here she is, rocking out "Call Me Maybe" by Canadian singer Carly Rae Jepsen:



I have to admit, the title of her video on YouTube misled me a little-- I was expecting a patriotic rendition of the Canadian national anthem instead! ;-)

As for me, I've been looking forward to this theme for quite some time, as it allowed me to do one of my all-time favorite songs (a German one). You can find me on Liz's blog at:


http://joyfulcalamity.blogspot.com/2012/07/krod-going-international.html

And of course, the master list is here: http://karaokeringofdeath.wordpress.com/2012/07/25/july-master-list/

Happy listening! :-)

Customized dresses from eShakti

It's been a number of months since I first discovered the eShakti website, which offers some really cute dresses at reasonable prices (an average of about $60)... and they're customizable! For an additional $7.50, you can customize not only the sizing to your specific measurements, but you can change details of the dress-- hem length, neckline, sleeve type.

My first purchase was this admiral blue pleated cotton poplin dress:

I had it custom-sized to my measurements, chose a hem length of "above the knee" and then waited eagerly for it to arrive. It actually arrived relatively quickly-- probably about 2-3 weeks after I ordered it. Considering it was custom-tailored to my size and that it shipped all the way from India, I was pleased with that timeline.

I was very impressed with the quality of the dress: good, solid, sturdy material, excellent craftsmanship in terms of sewing, and quite a lovely color!

I wasn't exactly enamored with the way it fit on top-- the neckline was a bit wide open for my liking, and because I don't have enough of a bust to completely fill it out, it kept bunching up when I sat down. However, the dress fit fantastically from the waist down-- I love the flared skirt, and so I was able to salvage it by wearing it with things on top, such as this black top:

 

... or a cardigan, either long-sleeved or short-sleeved:

I had such a good experience with the ordering process, and was so pleased with the quality of the dresses, that I promptly placed an order for two more, taking advantage of free shipping for orders over $100, and applying a coupon I happened to have, for more savings.

The next two dresses took a bit longer to get, I think because when I placed this second order, Jezebel.com had just put out an article about them, and demand increased faster than they could handle. They were really good about alerting me to the delay, and even so, I received them 5-6 weeks after placing the order. Still not too terrible for customized dresses coming from halfway across the world!

First up was this "Color trim poplin dress", a navy blue dress with red trim:

I added puffed sleeves to it, sent in custom sized measurements again, and chose an "above-knee" length. This is how it turned out:

True to its photo, this dress's skirt doesn't flare out as much as the other one, and as with the other blue dress, it's still a tad big in the chest, but it does fit pretty well, otherwise! Add a white cardigan and you've got the perfect 4th of July outfit! ;-)

I've also always wanted a green dress, and liked the look of shirt dresses (such as my Modcloth Soda Fountain dresses)-- good fit on top, flare on the bottom. So I selected this Retro poplin shirtdress, which came in a variety of colors, including a pretty, perfect shade of green: 

This dress (aside from tight armholes), fit amazingly well. Perfect fit on top, and a full skirt providing a bit of flare on the bottom:

My only complaint about these dresses is the fact that the armholes are really tight on all of them! It's not so bad on the first blue dress, but it's much more noticeable on the other two. I wonder how much it would cost to have the armholes enlarged so that they aren't digging into my armpits and restricting my movement (especially when driving!) while I'm wearing the dresses.

All in all, I'm really happy with my shopping experience at eShakti. Because of the armhole problem, I probably won't order anything but sleeveless dresses from them in future, but I really like being able to customize the dresses to fit my own measurements and to be able to further tailor specifics of the dress to my liking.

The customer service was a pretty good experience, too. I had read plenty of negative reviews online complaining about customer service, so it was with some trepidation that I placed my very first order. Happily, I've found that I've had nothing but good experiences with them. All my emails were answered promptly, and all my issues were resolved MORE than satisfactorily. Based on that, I'd highly recommend them to anyone looking for custom-sized, good quality, affordable dresses. I wouldn't recommend it if you're on a time crunch (i.e. counting on it to arrive in time for an upcoming event that's less than 2 months out), but if time is not of the essence... well, go for it! :-)

And no, I'm not being paid by anyone to write this :-P I thought I'd finally chronicle my experiences with not only dress shopping online at a different site, but with attempting custom-fitted dresses. Still working on the armhole problem-- maybe I just have broader-than-average shoulders and don't know it!

Top Five Favorite Films

Today's blog post comes from a Plinky answer prompt from a couple months back:

List your top 5 all-time favorite movies

(I'm going to list them in order of exposure, from the most recent to the longest-lived, since I can't really decide a "most-to-least favorite" order!)

1. Star Trek (the prequel movie from 2009)

I didn't have many expectations coming into this movie. Although I was a fan of The Next Generation, Voyager and Deep Space Nine, I was never really a fan of the original Star Trek TV series with Shatner and Nimoy. So I didn't think I'd enjoy this movie as much as I did. However, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that the story was amazingly well-written, and the actors were great. And having Leonard Nimoy on board, playing himself? THAT really added the perfect touch to the movie. I enjoyed it so much that I promptly watched it about 5 times in a row in the span of a couple of months.

2. Wall-E

This was another unexpected find. Allan brought it home from Blockbuster one day when our first choice was all rented out, and I promptly fell in love. The anthropomorphization of the two main robot characters, and their subsequent love story, was very touching. I fell in love with all the other quirky characters, too-- my favorite is cute, little, cleaning fanatic M-O! The movie was full of interesting characters and the way they overcome challenges and grow. I also admired the Captain's heroism in the end, and of course, loved the happy ending :-)

3. Liar, Liar

Jim Carrey movies tend to be hit-or-miss for me. He is such an over-the-top actor, that I either can't stand the movie, or I love it. This one is one of the very precious few of his movies that I actually like and can watch over and over again. Not only are the antics hilarious, but I love how his character comes around, learns his lesson, and reforms himself at the end. Allan and I often have fun quoting some of his funnier expressions from the movie!

4. The Negotiator

As you can tell from one of my previous blog entries, I adore Kevin Spacey. He is my number one favorite actor of all. He takes on such versatile roles, from the out-of-it dad in "American Beauty" to the alien mental patient in "K-Pax" to the musically-talented (and yes, he sings, himself) Bobby Darin in "Beyond the Sea" to the maniacal killer in "Se7en"... to the smart, tough negotiator in this movie. I really love the way the story unfolds in this movie-- there is just the right amount of action/special effects when it's warranted, and yet even the "downtime" is filled with activity that really builds the plot and starts revealing the story. I loved watching the transformation of Spacey's character from that of a neutral cop doing his job, to Samuel L. Jackson's character's ally. I loved how the two negotiators were able to connect, and how their relationship changed along the way. It's a long movie, but it keeps you at the edge of your seat the whole way, and is well worth it!

5. You've Got Mail

I've always been a big fan of the Meg Ryan romantic comedy movies (Sleepless in Seattle, When Harry Met Sally, You've Got Mail). Her characters were always so cute and classy. And of course, it's no secret that I adore Tom Hanks, as well-- my second favorite actor after Kevin Spacey. I really really love that this movie has, essentially, two parallel stories going on (real life where Meg and Tom hate each other, and online life, where they are in love), and we get to witness the convergence of these two lives as each discovers who the other really is. I don't cry often, but this movie had me tearing up at the end. This movie was based on the 1940 film "The Shop Around the Corner" (Meg's bookstore is an homage to it) starring Jimmy Stewart, and that story was equally enchanting. Nora Ephron, however, did a remarkable job of modernizing not just the story line, but the incorporation of modern technology (i.e. e-mail replaced snail mail).

And the soundtrack? Absolutely amazing. Not since "American Graffiti" has a movie's soundtrack resonated SO perfectly with the story. I have the complete soundtrack (both instrumental parts only and actual songs), arranged in order of appearance in the movie, and it's really incredible how you can just close your eyes and listen to ONLY the soundtrack, yet it still enables you to visualize exactly what is going on in the movie as each song plays. That's how perfectly the score matches the movie.

There are other movies that make my "top favorites" list, but these are most definitely the ones I could watch over and over and over again without every tiring of them!

How about you?

Friday Five: Recent Exclamations

I've noticed that in recent months, I've been blogging at a rate of twice per month: one post is a Karaoke Ring of Death post, and the other is a "normal" post. Which means that in actuality, I've been posting only once a month. One of the things I used to do with regularity back in my blogging heyday was the Friday Five. So I thought I'd try to get the blogging juices flowing again... with another installment of the everlasting meme :-)

1. What were the events leading up to your most recent utterance of oops?
2. What were the circumstances that led to your most recent utterance of aha!?
3. What most recently caused you to say ick?
4. What inspired your most recent utterance of yum?
5. Where were you (and what was going on?) the last time you said ooooooooh?

1. Well, Allan can attest to this one-- it invariably involves some kind of electronic device, whether it's a phone, a tablet, a laptop or a desktop computer. I have a reverse-Midas touch: every device I touch will, without fail, hiccup at least once. I'll bet you didn't know that Macs and Linux machines have BSODs, did you? Well, just leave those devices to my capable fingers... Anyway, while I don't remember the last specific instance leading to my utterance of "oops", I am quite sure it involved a device of some kind, and I'm quite sure it belonged to Allan ;-)

2. This one is less amusing: we'd gotten a letter from the IRS with questions about our 2010 tax return, and I was puzzling over why they thought we had so much unreported income. After sifting through our W-2s, pay stubs, and financial company statements, I figured out where they were getting those numbers (that was my "aha!" moment), and immediately printed out and organized my "evidence" to set them straight! Now I've got a nice little packet to mail back to them today. I tried to make everything as clear as  possible, and hope they will be able to sort it out. No offense to my father-in-law (the former IRS agent), but I have little faith in the organizational and comprehension skills of your average IRS agent!

3. This morning we held a little welcome breakfast for the new Chair of our department, and the subject, as it usually does amongst my co-workers, turned to food and local eateries. Someone brought up Jack-in-the-Box, which garnered many wrinkled brows of disgust, particularly at the tacos. Not me personally, as I like the place okay. But when my boss brought up how her husband loves JITB and how it sometimes doesn't agree with him, and a co-worker piped up with "yeah, JITB can be a real crapshoot", that certainly elicited groans at the pun and "ewws" at the visual!

4. Yesterday, a HS classmate of mine posted on FB about how he was cooking up sausage and kale soup. It sounded really delicious, and the thought of the dark, leafy green, healthful kale balancing out the less-healthful but undoubtedly yummy sausage made it sound even more appealing!

5. This week has two Fridays. Tuesday was a "Friday" because of the 4th of July holiday on Wednesday, and, well, TODAY is a real Friday. So what better way to celebrate a mid-week "Friday" than by going out and enjoying a good happy hour? My mind and lips were full of "ooooh"s as I scoped out various local joints to find out which ones had a good happy hour. Eventually, I settled on Tupelo Junction, which elicited the most emphatic "ooooh"s from both me and Allan. I mean, come on, just LOOK at their Happy Hour menu-- isn't that enough to make anyone salivate? Here's a small sampling of some of the many mini dishes we savored on Tuesday night: bread assortment (cheddar scallion, smoked bacon gouda, and sweet potato pecan) and fried green tomatoes with a corn and tomato salsa and buttermilk dill sauce. Blackberry mojito in the background:

 

How about you?