That is one of those trick "female" questions that never fails to confound men... or me.
Three things come to mind:
1. If you are asking this question honestly, then expect an honest answer. If you're just trying to fish for compliments, the you've got bigger issues than your dress size or perceived weight issues. And if you're just seeking some reassurance (as we're all wont to do sometimes), then make that clear, don't put your man on the spot with a loaded question!
2. Just because your man says "yes" to the question, does NOT mean that he's calling you a fat whale and telling you to lose weight (unless he says so explicitly, in which case, again, you've got bigger issues at hand). He's simply saying that this PARTICULAR outfit is not exactly flattering to you. The same can go for a variety of factors-- for example, just because the color of a sweater is wrong for your complexion, doesn't mean you're pale or sallow, it just means that you should wear a different color! Stop reading things into a very specific question about a specific outfit.
3. Related to the "honesty" thing above: lets say that you are indeed wearing an outfit that looks unflattering on you. Maybe the color is wrong for you. Maybe it has a plunging neckline and you don't have the cleavage to support it. Maybe it accentuates the bit of tummy roll from you last baby, instead of hiding it. Maybe you've done up your hair in a way that makes you look like a freak. Maybe your makeup is a little too strong or colorful. Would you rather have your man lie to you to spare your oh-so-fragile ego, and allow you to go out in PUBLIC, dressed like a fool? I don't know about you, but I'd much rather have my husband give my clothes (and combinations of them) a truthfully critical eye, thereby saving me the embarrassment of going outside wearing things that look blatantly awful on me!
I don't understand why this has to be such a contentious issue. While I concede that there are tactful ways to answer "yes" to the "does it make me look fat?" question, the bottom line is that if you ask the question, expect an honest answer. And if you don't want to hear the truth, don't ask the question! Simple as that.
Boy, am I glad I don't have to put up with women, at least not in the sense of long-term relationships :-P
I have a fixed policy regarding this issue not unlike the CIA's "no comment" policy or the USA's "we don't negotiate with terrorists" policy.
ReplyDeleteI always answer YES with fervor and certainty. (and let the questioner know of my policy)
Regardless of the circumstances, the outfit, and even what I really think. Even if the asker is anorexic, the answer will always be the same.
My policy does two things:
1- Discourage female folk from asking me the question in the future (hence the don't negotiate with terrorist analogy)
2- Hide my true opinion and protect me from any accidental disclosure of personal views regarding the physical appearance of a human female. (and this is the CIA part of the policy).
This only applies to questions with the keyword "fat" in them. Appropriate feedback requests should never have that keyword in them and should be strictly and exclusively limited to inquiring about the outfit in question.
my 2 cents :)
p.s. I love your blog :)
Thanks, Hussam! :-)
ReplyDeleteI like your approach-- a non-answer to a non-question. And you're right-- if they were legitimately asking a fashion-related question, it would be very specific.
p.s Love the CIA/terrorism analogy-- it's very apt, since I'm sure this question has launched countless wars between men and women ;-)
The counsellor response: "The fact that you're asking me tells me you have some concerns about how this outfit makes you look. What do you think?"
ReplyDeleteHahaha! I'd like to see what happens to the first guy that ever tries it with his gf/wife, but yes, that's pretty awesome! :-D
ReplyDeleteAMEN.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Hussam! :-)
ReplyDeleteI like your approach-- a non-answer to a non-question. And you're right-- if they were legitimately asking a fashion-related question, it would be very specific.
p.s Love the CIA/terrorism analogy-- it's very apt, since I'm sure this question has launched countless wars between men and women ;-)