Wow. I must apologize for the long delay in posting, it's been an incredibly busy past couple of weeks. What can I say-- the month of May is, without exception, hellishly busy. I was also running out of steam for ideas on what to write about in keeping with my "month of sex" theme. My friend Tabitha came up with a simple topic that spawned all sorts of writing ideas: shaving! And no, I don't mean the face, legs or armpits. It wouldn't really be sex-themed if it were. Unless that sort of stuff turns you on. But... that's not the point of this post :-P
Ah, pubic hair. It's razors for men's faces that get all the marketing attention, but those same razors come in so handy in shaving the nether regions, as well. It seems that these days, shaving is the way to go. I am not surprised. With women's shaving of their legs so commonplace, it makes sense that next up are the naughty bits. After all, hair on the legs is generally not that intrusive, but pubic hair can be a real jungle!
It might surprise some of you to know that I do not shave my legs. I subscribe to the old wives' tale that warns that shaving will lead to thicker, longer growth back. I'm sure many of you might pooh-pooh it, but my mom is living proof. And lest you think her legs are just an anomaly, let me introduce you to my husband, whose tender bits we had to cleanly and closely shave in preparation for his "snip-snip" operation. What do you suppose grew back? Thicker, bushier hair! It really is true!
Now, despite my assertion that the old wives' tale has a ring of truth to it, I still shave my pubic hair. It's already so coarse and bushy to begin with, I might as well. The feeling of cleanness and smoothness afterward is well worth it. Plus it's a lot easier to maintain than leg hair-- there's much less surface area, and I don't really have to shave that often anyway. I find that I can go about 2-3 weeks before I have to trim it all back down again. A 10-pack of razors can be bought for $1 at the dollar store. And a razor usually last me 2 shavings, i.e. approximately 5-6 weeks. So a one-dollar pack of ordinary razors will last a whole year. The shaving itself is no trick, either. I learned the idea from my ex, who used to shave his face in the shower, where, he pointed out, the hot water was good for softening up his skin. So, a few extra minutes in the shower, and voila! Nice smooth skin :-)
Then there are women who shave all but a little patch of hair (always seemed pointless to me-- if you're making the effort, why not clean everything up all at once?), or even more intriguing, those who shave designs into their hair. I've always wondered how they managed the handiwork and the patience to do that. It does look pretty intricate, when done right.
Another thing that has intrigued both me and Allan (though for slightly different reasons) is the process of permanent (via laser) hair removal. Allan only shaves his face twice a week, but even after the first day post-shave, his stubble is irritating enough that I have to be careful when I kiss him. Scratched-up lips are not my idea of fun! It would be sooo convenient if he could just have a permanently smooth face. We've both lamented about it. It would save him that extra work, and we could kiss each other freely whenever we wanted :-) The thought of permanent hair removal between my legs has also crossed my mind. I think at this point it seems like it's a bit too risky for an area that sensitive (not to mention time-consuming, expensive, and no guarantee of how well it would work), but I must admit, the idea is fascinating!
Well, whether it's permanent or ongoing, I'm definitely a big fan of keeping the girly bits clean shaven. Or, at the very least, trimming it close. I don't know, maybe it's because I've been conditioned by the media. Modern-day adult videos almost always feature clean-shaven women. Contrast that with vintage porn from a few decades ago, when women went au naturel. To me it seems... less clean somehow. At the very least, it seems like you run a higher risk of winding up with some unwanted pubic hair in your mouth, yuck! Eating your own head hair is an unpleasant enough experience... seeing pubic hair in the shower is just plain gross... a combination of the two? Ick!
And on that lovely note, I think I shall post this and see what you, dear readers, think of shaving. Do you do it? Do you like it when your partner does? Any interesting side stories?
La Maison des Tortues: One third of the "heckled trio" writes...
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Oral Communication
If you'll remember my post introducing the "month of sex" and soliciting idea, John commented with in idea for a topic: oral sex. He even included a funny story of his own, whereby "my mother in law told my wife’s cousin on her wedding day to remember that the mouth can be used for more than kissing/talking" ;-)
My favorite story is a little closer to home-- with my brother-in-law telling his future mother-in-law: "Your daughter likes it in the ear. Every time I try to stick it in her mouth, she turns her head!" Obviously she was unruffled by the comment, as she is now his mother-in-law and has been for many years.
What about you? What funny stories can you share?
While we're on the subject, a comment my friend Scot made on my previous blog entry made me pause and think. He said something to the effect of how only a person with the same equipment as you (i.e. of the same gender) would be able to fully understand how said equipment works/feels, and be able to give you the greatest pleasure (in this case, the best blowjob). Now, on the surface, this may be true, as it's only natural to best understand what you yourself are familiar with/have experience with. This holds true not just for sex, but just about any aspect of your life.
But I think it goes beyond that. If you've trained on the piano all your life, you're naturally going to be better at it than, say, the violin. But that doesn't mean you can't practice just as hard and become equally good on the violin, as well. Now, obviously, it's a little harder for a person to fully empathize with what it's like to possess the "equipment" of the opposite sex. But you can be "trained" in that, can't you? Because the fact is, even though two people of the same gender may possess the same equipment, in reality, no two people are alike. What one woman likes done between her legs is going to be different from what another woman likes. You just can't generalize.
This is where the key comes in: communication. I know it sounds so cliche, but its importance is just as paramount in the bedroom as it is elsewhere in the relationship. My husband may know what works best on his own body, but guess what? It's not so hard to put it into words and convey this information to me. I've learned what to do and what not to do, because we talk about it. We talk about it before sex, during sex or after sex-- there isn't any right or wrong time to discuss it, and it's mutually beneficial. I get to learn what works for my husband, and he gets to enjoy himself fully without wasting time/effort with me doing things that might not be pleasurable for him. The same goes the other way, too. Communication.
Some may view it as an ego thing-- they either don't like being told what to do (or being told that what they are doing doesn't feel good), or they're afraid of hurting the other person's feelings by saying "don't do that, try this". But again, communication in the bedroom is no different from communication outside it. If you're in a committed relationship, you're going to have to get over your trepidation of being honest with your partner (no matter what the topic, be it sex, money, family, etc), and just... open up! And if you don't tell your partner what you do/don't like, how are they ever going to know? How will they ever be able to give you the pleasure they want to?
Which brings me to another topic. They say it's better to give than to receive. I can personally vouch for that. A lot of women have hangups, to one degree or another, about oral sex. When it comes to giving, they don't really like to do it, or they think it's dirty, or maybe they don't actually mind but just see it as some chore they have to get out of the way before proceeding with intercourse. To those women, I gotta say-- you're missing out on a whole lot! Taking the right attitude and taking the time to get to know your man and what he likes will empower you and give you unexpected pleasure. There's nothing quite like working magic with your lips and tongue, tailored to your man's specific likes. It's such a turn on-- an not just for him. I can't imagine why it wouldn't be a turn-on to *give* someone pleasure. It's just as good as receiving it. I believe this holds true on the flip side, as well-- male readers, I'd love to hear from you! Which means that for women: just as it's important to communicate with your man and learn what he likes, it's important to likewise communicate your own likes and desires to him. No point lying there waiting and hoping his fingers/tongue will just happen to hit the right spots-- show him what those right spots are! I'm sure he'd appreciate the feedback, and derive just as much pleasure in pleasing you as you do receiving it. After all, he's not a mind-reader. History has, after all, proven that ;-)
I think I'll get off my soapbox now :-) I guess my bottom line is that being able and willing to freely communicate how exactly your body works to your partner is very important. And that giving pleasure, with genuine enthusiasm and passion, can be quite the turn on, even if you're not touching yourself simultaneously. It basically goes back to those "psychological factors" that Scot and I discussed on my previous blog post. Guess that just further proves that the brain is indeed the most powerful sex organ!
My favorite story is a little closer to home-- with my brother-in-law telling his future mother-in-law: "Your daughter likes it in the ear. Every time I try to stick it in her mouth, she turns her head!" Obviously she was unruffled by the comment, as she is now his mother-in-law and has been for many years.
What about you? What funny stories can you share?
While we're on the subject, a comment my friend Scot made on my previous blog entry made me pause and think. He said something to the effect of how only a person with the same equipment as you (i.e. of the same gender) would be able to fully understand how said equipment works/feels, and be able to give you the greatest pleasure (in this case, the best blowjob). Now, on the surface, this may be true, as it's only natural to best understand what you yourself are familiar with/have experience with. This holds true not just for sex, but just about any aspect of your life.
But I think it goes beyond that. If you've trained on the piano all your life, you're naturally going to be better at it than, say, the violin. But that doesn't mean you can't practice just as hard and become equally good on the violin, as well. Now, obviously, it's a little harder for a person to fully empathize with what it's like to possess the "equipment" of the opposite sex. But you can be "trained" in that, can't you? Because the fact is, even though two people of the same gender may possess the same equipment, in reality, no two people are alike. What one woman likes done between her legs is going to be different from what another woman likes. You just can't generalize.
This is where the key comes in: communication. I know it sounds so cliche, but its importance is just as paramount in the bedroom as it is elsewhere in the relationship. My husband may know what works best on his own body, but guess what? It's not so hard to put it into words and convey this information to me. I've learned what to do and what not to do, because we talk about it. We talk about it before sex, during sex or after sex-- there isn't any right or wrong time to discuss it, and it's mutually beneficial. I get to learn what works for my husband, and he gets to enjoy himself fully without wasting time/effort with me doing things that might not be pleasurable for him. The same goes the other way, too. Communication.
Some may view it as an ego thing-- they either don't like being told what to do (or being told that what they are doing doesn't feel good), or they're afraid of hurting the other person's feelings by saying "don't do that, try this". But again, communication in the bedroom is no different from communication outside it. If you're in a committed relationship, you're going to have to get over your trepidation of being honest with your partner (no matter what the topic, be it sex, money, family, etc), and just... open up! And if you don't tell your partner what you do/don't like, how are they ever going to know? How will they ever be able to give you the pleasure they want to?
Which brings me to another topic. They say it's better to give than to receive. I can personally vouch for that. A lot of women have hangups, to one degree or another, about oral sex. When it comes to giving, they don't really like to do it, or they think it's dirty, or maybe they don't actually mind but just see it as some chore they have to get out of the way before proceeding with intercourse. To those women, I gotta say-- you're missing out on a whole lot! Taking the right attitude and taking the time to get to know your man and what he likes will empower you and give you unexpected pleasure. There's nothing quite like working magic with your lips and tongue, tailored to your man's specific likes. It's such a turn on-- an not just for him. I can't imagine why it wouldn't be a turn-on to *give* someone pleasure. It's just as good as receiving it. I believe this holds true on the flip side, as well-- male readers, I'd love to hear from you! Which means that for women: just as it's important to communicate with your man and learn what he likes, it's important to likewise communicate your own likes and desires to him. No point lying there waiting and hoping his fingers/tongue will just happen to hit the right spots-- show him what those right spots are! I'm sure he'd appreciate the feedback, and derive just as much pleasure in pleasing you as you do receiving it. After all, he's not a mind-reader. History has, after all, proven that ;-)
I think I'll get off my soapbox now :-) I guess my bottom line is that being able and willing to freely communicate how exactly your body works to your partner is very important. And that giving pleasure, with genuine enthusiasm and passion, can be quite the turn on, even if you're not touching yourself simultaneously. It basically goes back to those "psychological factors" that Scot and I discussed on my previous blog post. Guess that just further proves that the brain is indeed the most powerful sex organ!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Do You Take It...
To start things off, I thought I'd share a hilarious little video, which served as the inspiration for my post and its title (NSFW, but then again, I would hope that if you're reading this, you already know it contains risque material ;-) )
If you've read my previous post, you've no doubted noted that one of the toys I talked about was a strapon. I thought I'd elaborate a little more on what I wrote then, and, while we're on the subject, talk about another, closely-related topic.
First off, buttsex.
Within the broad spectrum that the realm of sex and sexual activities encompass, it's the one big unifying factor between men and women. Let's face it-- the way we're built, women will never know what it's like to give, and men will never know what it's like to receive. Surgery notwithstanding, of course ;-P But men and women both have asses. Thus, we both know what it feels like to be touched there, and to take something up there.
Therefore, anal sex is one of the few acts that can truly be shared in a way that few others can be, a sensation that we both have in common, and that can be completely understood by both partners.
Obviously, I'm a big proponent of it ;-) But what was it like for me, personally?
Now, to be honest, my first experience was neither as earth-shattering nor as traumatic as it is for other women. It was more of a "hey, I haven't done this before, let's try it for the heck of it" moment. It wasn't much of a big deal (mostly because that whole episode itself kinda fizzled-- but that's another story), but just having done it and realizing that it didn't hurt and actually felt really nice played a big role in warming me further to the idea.
Since then, I've learned that the single key factor in a successful anal experience (at least, from the receiving point of view) is basic tender loving care. I have a friend who, for a long time, eschewed the idea of buttsex, wouldn't even consider it. Then she met a guy she really fell for, and though he never pushed her for it, she knew it was something he was interested in, and eventually found herself willing to give it a try, just because she loved him so much. To her surprise, she found that it wasn't as bad as she'd always feared.
Which is why I say-- once you've tried it, it opens up a whole new world for you. This is where women have an advantage-- they have one more hole than men in which to take it ;-) It's definitely a different sensation, but can be equally (if not more) pleasurable. And when it's done with the right person, it can be an absolutely amazing experience!
So what does all this have to do with strapons? I think you know by now. And if you don't, then you have a thing or two to learn about Helly and the way her mind works ;-)
It wasn't until I was talking to someone else about the post/the toy that I realized it might be miscontrued as using it on a girl. Umm... no. No, I was talking about role-reversal-- doing a guy from behind with a strapon ;-)
A strapon may just be a fake toy, but when I'm wearing it, it comes amazingly close to feeling like it's a real part of my body. When I first used one, I didn't expect to derive any pleasure out of it, I just expected to have a little fun "turning the tables" on my ex and letting him experience how much fun anal could be. To my utter surprise, I found that I could almost outright *feel* the sensations of going in and out. Obviously it was purely psychological, as there were no actual nerve endings connecting the dildo to my brain (although I supposed double-ended dildos try to make up for that). I think it's akin to the "phantom limb" phenomenon, whereby amputees feel pain or other sensations in their now-missing limbs. It was a most eye-opening experience, and I'm still blown away at how how realistic (and terrific!) it all felt from my end. Highly recommended, ladies-- what better way to add some real dimension to your sex life than by getting a feel for what it's like to be on the giving end? ;-)
Now, I can't speak from a guy's perspective, giving it-- so I'm actually kinda curious-- what's it like for a guy to give? What's the difference between one hole and the other?
If you've read my previous post, you've no doubted noted that one of the toys I talked about was a strapon. I thought I'd elaborate a little more on what I wrote then, and, while we're on the subject, talk about another, closely-related topic.
First off, buttsex.
Within the broad spectrum that the realm of sex and sexual activities encompass, it's the one big unifying factor between men and women. Let's face it-- the way we're built, women will never know what it's like to give, and men will never know what it's like to receive. Surgery notwithstanding, of course ;-P But men and women both have asses. Thus, we both know what it feels like to be touched there, and to take something up there.
Therefore, anal sex is one of the few acts that can truly be shared in a way that few others can be, a sensation that we both have in common, and that can be completely understood by both partners.
Obviously, I'm a big proponent of it ;-) But what was it like for me, personally?
Now, to be honest, my first experience was neither as earth-shattering nor as traumatic as it is for other women. It was more of a "hey, I haven't done this before, let's try it for the heck of it" moment. It wasn't much of a big deal (mostly because that whole episode itself kinda fizzled-- but that's another story), but just having done it and realizing that it didn't hurt and actually felt really nice played a big role in warming me further to the idea.
Since then, I've learned that the single key factor in a successful anal experience (at least, from the receiving point of view) is basic tender loving care. I have a friend who, for a long time, eschewed the idea of buttsex, wouldn't even consider it. Then she met a guy she really fell for, and though he never pushed her for it, she knew it was something he was interested in, and eventually found herself willing to give it a try, just because she loved him so much. To her surprise, she found that it wasn't as bad as she'd always feared.
Which is why I say-- once you've tried it, it opens up a whole new world for you. This is where women have an advantage-- they have one more hole than men in which to take it ;-) It's definitely a different sensation, but can be equally (if not more) pleasurable. And when it's done with the right person, it can be an absolutely amazing experience!
So what does all this have to do with strapons? I think you know by now. And if you don't, then you have a thing or two to learn about Helly and the way her mind works ;-)
It wasn't until I was talking to someone else about the post/the toy that I realized it might be miscontrued as using it on a girl. Umm... no. No, I was talking about role-reversal-- doing a guy from behind with a strapon ;-)
A strapon may just be a fake toy, but when I'm wearing it, it comes amazingly close to feeling like it's a real part of my body. When I first used one, I didn't expect to derive any pleasure out of it, I just expected to have a little fun "turning the tables" on my ex and letting him experience how much fun anal could be. To my utter surprise, I found that I could almost outright *feel* the sensations of going in and out. Obviously it was purely psychological, as there were no actual nerve endings connecting the dildo to my brain (although I supposed double-ended dildos try to make up for that). I think it's akin to the "phantom limb" phenomenon, whereby amputees feel pain or other sensations in their now-missing limbs. It was a most eye-opening experience, and I'm still blown away at how how realistic (and terrific!) it all felt from my end. Highly recommended, ladies-- what better way to add some real dimension to your sex life than by getting a feel for what it's like to be on the giving end? ;-)
Now, I can't speak from a guy's perspective, giving it-- so I'm actually kinda curious-- what's it like for a guy to give? What's the difference between one hole and the other?
Monday, May 3, 2010
Like, oh my god, I'm like, so gonna...
(Reposted and edited from my Myspace blog 4 years ago)
On New Year's Eve 2005 I joined some of my online friends in a multi-person voice conference over Yahoo. It was a lot of fun-- and since we were all adults in there, things got a bit, well, rowdy at times At one point I brought up a reference to preview clip to this porn movie featuring your stereotypical surfer dude and Valley girl. Some people got a good laugh out of it, others were mildly amused. Nobody was particularly shocked (or if they were, they sure hid their reaction well!), because most of the people there knew me well enough to know that, quite frankly, my innocent-looking pictures belie the profane mind underneath.
Since then, I've met more friends who have gotten to know this side of me, with mixed reactions (mostly positive, though. I guess just about everyone out there has a dirty mind-- some are just better at denying it than others ;-) )
Anyway, that original conversation (along with ensuing ones in the years after) got me thinking about people who have such hangups about porn. Mainly, I've never really understood people-- women, mostly-- who get jealous or judge their partners for looking at porn. I mean, I can understand if it got to the point of interfering with their normal lives-- that's addiction, and just like any addiction, it's a problem. And the problem lies with the addiction itself, not the substance. But so many women fail to understand that it can be a natural-- and fun!-- part of their sex lives, when used properly. I'd encourage most women to at least give it a chance. They're as much a "toy" as the conventional paraphernalia that comes to mind when we think of "adult toys" (like the stuff in my previous post). I'll be the first to admit that I've gotten some of my best ideas from adult movies. Sometimes it can be fun to watch with your partner and try out new things you see. And it has non-sexual value, too-- sometimes you can just kick back and enjoy a good laugh at some of the wackier things on the screen (or the incredibly poor acting).
Even if a woman has absolutely no interest in it, I don't understand why she would begrudge her partner his viewing it. If it's a normal, healthy relationship she shouldn't feel threatened by it. The only time I get "mad" at my husband for watching porn is if he comes across a really good clip he knows I'll like and doesn't share it with me ;-) But seriously-- just because a man watches it doesn't necessarily mean that he has no interest in his partner, or isn't attracted to her anymore. I wish more women would realize this and not be such sticks in the mud about it.
And in case you were wondering, the title of my blog entry stemmed from the Valley girl/surfer dude scene-- at the point of climax, the girl broke out in full Valley dialect, while the guy? There aren't any appropriate letters in the alphabet to express the garbled sounds he was making-- you just had to hear it. And see it. I thought he was having a seizure! See? Much comic value in unexpected places! :-D
(original post from Jan 5, 2006 (along with ensuing comment hilarity) is here: http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=28049135&blogId=74957761)
On New Year's Eve 2005 I joined some of my online friends in a multi-person voice conference over Yahoo. It was a lot of fun-- and since we were all adults in there, things got a bit, well, rowdy at times At one point I brought up a reference to preview clip to this porn movie featuring your stereotypical surfer dude and Valley girl. Some people got a good laugh out of it, others were mildly amused. Nobody was particularly shocked (or if they were, they sure hid their reaction well!), because most of the people there knew me well enough to know that, quite frankly, my innocent-looking pictures belie the profane mind underneath.
Since then, I've met more friends who have gotten to know this side of me, with mixed reactions (mostly positive, though. I guess just about everyone out there has a dirty mind-- some are just better at denying it than others ;-) )
Anyway, that original conversation (along with ensuing ones in the years after) got me thinking about people who have such hangups about porn. Mainly, I've never really understood people-- women, mostly-- who get jealous or judge their partners for looking at porn. I mean, I can understand if it got to the point of interfering with their normal lives-- that's addiction, and just like any addiction, it's a problem. And the problem lies with the addiction itself, not the substance. But so many women fail to understand that it can be a natural-- and fun!-- part of their sex lives, when used properly. I'd encourage most women to at least give it a chance. They're as much a "toy" as the conventional paraphernalia that comes to mind when we think of "adult toys" (like the stuff in my previous post). I'll be the first to admit that I've gotten some of my best ideas from adult movies. Sometimes it can be fun to watch with your partner and try out new things you see. And it has non-sexual value, too-- sometimes you can just kick back and enjoy a good laugh at some of the wackier things on the screen (or the incredibly poor acting).
Even if a woman has absolutely no interest in it, I don't understand why she would begrudge her partner his viewing it. If it's a normal, healthy relationship she shouldn't feel threatened by it. The only time I get "mad" at my husband for watching porn is if he comes across a really good clip he knows I'll like and doesn't share it with me ;-) But seriously-- just because a man watches it doesn't necessarily mean that he has no interest in his partner, or isn't attracted to her anymore. I wish more women would realize this and not be such sticks in the mud about it.
And in case you were wondering, the title of my blog entry stemmed from the Valley girl/surfer dude scene-- at the point of climax, the girl broke out in full Valley dialect, while the guy? There aren't any appropriate letters in the alphabet to express the garbled sounds he was making-- you just had to hear it. And see it. I thought he was having a seizure! See? Much comic value in unexpected places! :-D
(original post from Jan 5, 2006 (along with ensuing comment hilarity) is here: http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=28049135&blogId=74957761)
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