Thoughts on SAHM-hood

A while back I remember having a conversation with some friends, other couples, I'm sure... and the conversation somehow turned to careers after kids. I don't remember whom exactly I spoke with, but I do remember indicating that if I could stay home to be with Todd, I would, and they remarked: "Would you really?" i.e. would you really give up your job if you could afford it, in order to do so? I recall being interrupted by something/someone else before I could answer it, so I guess I could say this blog post delves into that question a bit more.

I admit don't have a whole lot of first-hand experience with being a stay-at-home Mom (aka "SAHM"). But I remember when Todd came to live with us full-time, and I remember disliking putting him into day care all day while we worked. He never really took to his new preschool in SB, and while the morning (preschool) portion was fine, the afternoon (day care) portions were not. He always came home dirty and snot-covered, had frequent accidents, rarely finished even half his lunch, and often played by himself in the corner. When he started kindergarten later that year, things weren't much better on the after-school-care front, and I addressed the stay-at-home vs. working-world question in a blog post during that time: http://heckledtrio.blogspot.com/2009/01/stay-at-home-vs-working-world.html (in fact, re-reading that post just now breaks my heart all over again)

Child care, while being the focal point in the discussion of staying at home vs. working, is not the only issue. I've lost count of how many times we've simply heated up frozen dinners or bought take-out because we were too exhausted at the end of the day to cook healthful food. Even some of the home-cooked meals contained some pre-packaged, processed food in the name of efficiency, especially when Todd's activities kept us out so late, getting dinner ready quickly was time-essential. Not only were we spending more than we liked, but we weren't eating very healthfully as a family. Another issue was just time, itself-- because Allan and I work till at least 5pm most days, any after-school activities would have to occur after that time. I must've called a dozen martial arts studios before finding one that offered kid classes that "late"... which enables Todd to attend, but also brings us home much later afterward... and with much less time to enjoy hanging out as a family before the dinner-shower-go-to-bed rush for the little man is upon us. Everything is always so rushed.

Yesterday I got a chance to experience SAHM-hood to a much larger extent than I ever had, because the day consisted of daily chores and errands, rather than a special day off, spent out somewhere with the boy. I discovered at the last minute that Todd's Spring Break lasted through Monday, and he didn't start school again until today. So I took the day off yesterday to hang out with him.

We hit the library for books to keep him entertained, and went grocery shopping for all sorts of healthful meal ingredients. I cooked lunch from scratch, Allan came home from work at noon, and we all enjoyed a hot meal together at home. I cooked dinner as well, and kept the kitchen clean-- an endless process! The meals seem to blend together into one looong timeframe when you include prep, cooking and washing up afterward. No sooner are you done cleaning up after one meal, than it's time to start prepping for the next. Todd helped me clean the house. I helped him with his homework. I folded laundry, though I didn't get a chance to wash the bedding or do the ironing that I'd planned. By 10:30 pm, after having been on full-throttle for 12 hours with only a 20-minute break in the midst of all of it, I had given up.

It was a busy, busy, busy day-- and I didn't even get to spend as much one-on-one time with Todd as I had anticipated... I was too busy with all the household stuff. I was tired by the end of it, but it was a good sort of tired-- I felt that I'd had a productive day. I found that though I worked pretty hard (a lot harder than sitting in front of a computer all day!) I felt good about it. I liked making sure the family had good things to eat. I enjoyed making the meals and cleaning up and generally making a nice, comfortable home for my two boys.

And I could see why being a SAHM is one of the hardest jobs there ever is! I mean, Allan and I work pretty hard balancing both a job and the daily household chores, but it's different somehow. With a 9-to-5 job, once you quit for the day, you leave the office, you leave your work behind you, you wind down at home and don't have to do work or even think about it. But with a SAHM, that distinction does not exist-- the day continues, the chores continue, and you just don't get that sort of break.

Still... I would have to say that yesterday's activities were rewarding enough that my answer still stays the same: if we could afford to, I would be a SAHM. I think the family as a whole would be a lot less stressed. Not to discount our blessings-- having everything: work, school, after-school, home, all in close proximity to each other, working for a flexible company at jobs that aren't terribly stressful themselves, dividing up the chores evenly so they still get done everyday, etc. We're pretty lucky to be where we are with respect to all those factors, period. But I think my penchant for organization lends itself well to the job of running a household, and merely the effect on Todd for one day was noticeable-- such a happy, relaxed kid! Definitely worth it. Maybe someday...