Growing up a loner

(From the LiveJournal "Writer's Block" list)
How do you think having siblings (or not having siblings) affects who you are as a person?

This is an interesting question. As most of you know, I am an only child, and have often wondered what life would've been like had my parents decided to give me a sibling. I remember sitting on the front steps of our apartment one summer when I was 8 years old, asking my mom if I could have one. Amused, she humored me with: "Would you prefer a brother or sister?". I expressed a preference for a sister, only to have Mom demur with "I'm too old". Which was actually true-- she was already 40 and even today it's still a bit risky to have kids at that age-- let alone over 20 years ago. So... no sister. Or brother.

I remember an activity we did in 4th or 5th grade-- the teacher had us all divide into groups based on birth order, and scatter to the corners of the room with our fellow only-children, firstborns, middles, etc... the onlies group had maybe 2 or 3 kids, me included. Then the teacher asked us to go into the group we WANTED to be in. No surprise-- quite a few kids wandered into our group, sick of the bickering and sibling rivalry that you always hear about. Me? I was too shy to actively walk to another group of kids, and at the same time I was also fascinated at hearing some of the "horror stories" from the kids who wished they had no siblings.

Growing up, I sort of assumed the "big sister" role, because the neighborhood was filled with kids who were all younger than me, by a range from 2 to 7 years. But that was only part of the time-- though we all played together often, it's not exactly like I spent all my waking hours with them. Still, if you've ever looked at those personality analyses based on birth order, the first-born and only-child profiles tend to be similar, so who knows how much of an influence spending time with younger kids had on shaping who I am today. Anyway, for the most part, I grew up a bit of a loner.

And to this day, that still holds true. Everywhere I've lived, every place I've gone to school or worked, it has always been the same story: I kept to myself more than anyone else, and thus always felt like a bit of an outcast. I had many acquaintances and colleagues and people I hung out with, and even people I knew well enough to actually call "friends", but the ones I could call *true* friends? Close friends? Few and far between. Granted, part of that is just who I am-- by nature, a shy and reserved person. But it does make you wonder if having a sibling would've mitigated that effect somewhat. Would I have been a little more at ease around other people if I had grown up having to deal with someone near my own age?

These days, I think of my son. He's even more "isolated" than I am. I have several aunts and uncles, and dozens of cousins-- even more than Allan does. Todd has one aunt and uncle, and will never have any cousins. As you can imagine, he can get pretty spoiled, being the only grandchild on both sides of the family, and nobody else (except "cousin" Sammy the Lhasa Apso) to compete with for attention from his extended family. We're 99.9% sure we won't have any more children, so Todd is destined to be an only child, just like Mommy. On rare occasions, however, I waver. I watch Todd playing with other kids (especially the younger ones) and it strikes me how he would make such a good big brother. It is rare that he gets to play with kids his own age, and grownups are never as fun to play with. As one neighborhood mother of three pointed out to me: the kids manage to keep themselves entertained, so there's actually less demand for your attention and time in that regard. Interesting point... but... no. Eh-- I think I turned out okay, and I'm sure Todd will be fine ;-)

Hmm, what was the original question again? I don't know if I've answered it. Probably because it can't really be answered, since you'll never really know how a different household scenario would've affected you. Maybe a lot, maybe not at all. As for me, I do think that being an only child probably reinforced my natural tendencies toward wallflower-like behavior. I think I'll always feel a bit like an outsider, never truly belonging to any social circle, never truly fitting in. Whether that means I wouldn't feel this way if I'd had siblings, or that I wouldn't have "fit in" well with my own family growing up anyway... well, I could ramble on and on, speculating... so I'll stop boring you and end this here :-)